Closing in on 50 years

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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby SmokeOnTheWater » May 31st, 2014, 12:53 pm

Queen K wrote:So what's so great about 50?


It will be over quickly .. the day after your birthday you're starting your 51st year on this beautiful planet ..
" Nature is not a place to visit. It is home. " ~ Gary Snyder
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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby Queen K » May 31st, 2014, 2:24 pm

^ Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,

Yer no help at all.
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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby Queen K » May 31st, 2014, 2:26 pm

Jo wrote:Now you can get a cane and start yelling at kids, "Hey you kids, get outta my yard!"

You just can't do that before fifty.


You mean I started that too early? Can I yell at the seniors with walkers to get away from my yard and claim perimenopause?
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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby Queen K » May 31st, 2014, 2:28 pm

steven lloyd wrote:Get to play in the Senior's Tourneys


You have too much competition in those all ready, and I'd be railing on how the golf course should be returned back to nature and "there's a book about doing just that."
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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby Queen K » May 31st, 2014, 2:33 pm

Partmanpartfish, I might sit in front of the tv all day and shovel in ice cream and chocolate syrup. Sounds like a good idea.

Until you get to the pouched out stomache part. Yech.

Undecided on what to do here.
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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby xjeepguy » May 31st, 2014, 3:15 pm

Hilarious and surprisingly accurate .


whitecandle wrote:"You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

You sing along with elevator music.

Your eyes won’t get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

No one expects you to run anywhere.

People call at 9:00 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won’t wear out.

You can eat dinner at 4:00 PM.

You can almost live without sex but not your glasses.

You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

You can’t remember who told you about this list.

You notice these are all in big print for your convenience."
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife
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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby just popping in » May 31st, 2014, 3:17 pm

The period from fifty to sixty
Is the best decade of your life
With many moments worth cherishing
And the least amount of strife
This is when everything is calm
Life runs smoothly on its course
There is only happiness and delight
There is absolutely no remorse
I hope you enjoy your grand welcome
To this beautiful phase
By reaching the age of fifty
You are nearing the end of the rat race.
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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby Queen K » May 31st, 2014, 4:24 pm

The rats are winning.
Using cash is one of your few forms of privacy: use it or lose it. 1984 isn't the only Orwell novel that needs to to made fiction again.

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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby Queen K » May 31st, 2014, 4:33 pm

Partmanpartfish wrote:

When my mother in law turned 50, she sat in front of Lifetime TV watching menopause docudramas and ate 'Nilla Wafers until her stomach pooched out of the new blouse we bought her.


New blouse? What happened to diamonds?
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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby Queen K » May 31st, 2014, 4:34 pm

Jo wrote:Can switch to too-short purple polyester pants and white over-built running shoes.


How did that work out for you?
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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby Queen K » May 31st, 2014, 4:35 pm

Bsuds wrote:Just letting her know whet she has to look forward too...hehehehe


Thanks for that.

I think.
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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby Bsuds » May 31st, 2014, 7:14 pm

Did you hear about the time QK's sister tried to make a birthday cake? The candles melted in the oven.
Ducks have feathers to cover their Butt Quacks!

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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby Glacier » May 31st, 2014, 8:52 pm

If you haven’t grown up by age 50, you don’t have to. Good to know. Also good to know is that fifty is a powerful age for women. They can set off sprinkler systems with their hot flashes.

Signs that you are turning 50:
    1) The street vendor says “Yes, Ma’am” instead of “You got it, Darlin.’”
    2) You're still hot, but only in flashes.
    3) When you look in a full-length mirror, you can see your butt from the front.
    4) Maybe it's true that life begins at fift, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
    5) At 50, you’ve entered the stone age: gall, kidney, and bladder.
    6) You are too young to take up golf, and too old to rush the net.
    7) You realize with some irritation that your parents were right about nearly everything.

I’m like a backward berry
Unripened on the vine
For all my friends are fifty
And I’m only forty-nine.
- Ogden Nash
“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die”
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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby Queen K » May 31st, 2014, 10:00 pm

^^ I've ordered a really HOT SUN to melt your glacier.
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Re: Closing in on 50 years

Postby zookeeper » May 31st, 2014, 10:21 pm

Buy a good face cream and keep telling people you are 49, after a while you lose count yourself and it becomes habit to say 49.
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