Bad house guests

[Lady tehMa]

I have no spare rooms, but I've offered to let family tent in the yard. My folks take up residence in the local Holiday Inn - that way they have a quiet place to retreat to when we've had enough of each other.

[Bpeep]

I'm fortunate in that I have a suite downstairs for those I don't cook cabbage to get rid of.
I can just plop any guests down there.

Kinda defeats the theory of a visit tho- out of sight out of mind.
Just another ruse to keep peeps from coming back.

Everybody just leave me alone.

[perspicacious]

Try this... if anybody asks to visit, first ask for what dates then make the excuse that you am going to be away and won't be there. Purposely make your 'departure' date just days before they arrive so its a hassle to get things figured out, make it so it sounds like you aren't sure if the departure date is set in stone in case they say their dates are flexible (it also serves when they ask you how your holiday was you can say that things fell apart last minute!). Tell them you will have to let them know closer to the date as you can't commit. It has worked for me in the past. No one likes to come here with nothing solid and having you be wishy washy makes most people want to look elsewhere.

I work full time and don't want to cater to entertaining people when I am off nor do I want to have my space and routines disrupted. Creature of old habits I guess!

[CoffeeCanuck]

If it's people that you love or care about, just be upfront and truthful the next time they ask if they can stay in your home. Tell them they are welcome as long as they clean up after themselves, buy their own groceries if they plan on eating in and don't expect you to be cooking and cleaning while they are there. Anyone who cares about you will respect your boundaries and you can have a nice visit. The ones who have a problem with them can find another place to stay. And if it doesn't suit you to have company over, don't be afraid to just say no.

~CC

[looking4one]

If it's people that you love or care about, just be upfront and truthful the next time they ask if they can stay in your home. Tell them they are welcome as long as they clean up after themselves, buy their own groceries if they plan on eating in and don't expect you to be cooking and cleaning while they are there. Anyone who cares about you will respect your boundaries and you can have a nice visit. The ones who have a problem with them can find another place to stay. And if it doesn't suit you to have company over, don't be afraid to just say no.

~CC

That's great, but, what if they are family? AND they are holding your grandchildren as ransom?

[LANDM]

That's great, but, what if they are family? AND they are holding your grandchildren as ransom?

Simple.....pay the ransom!

[GordonH]

To OP as mentioned by others, make a list of reasonable rules. Remember 1 very important thing it's your home, not your guests. So don't feel bad up holding those rules.

[looking4one]

That's great, but, what if they are family? AND they are holding your grandchildren as ransom?

Simple.....pay the ransom!

Now, extrapolate that to; grandparent's visitation. Why should the grandparents have to pay for food, lodging, maid service, etc., to the point of "all inclusive vacation"?
I have to mop-up, clean-up, cook, supply all food and beverages for 4, plus "to-go bags", fresh seasonal fruit of the area, and meet or exceed all of the dietary requests for ............on and on ad nauseum, just so I can visit with my grandkids......
All the while my demise is being planned and the division of my assets are being discussed.

You know what? After typing out this reply,.........I am going to will everything to the SPCA.

[CoffeeCanuck]

That's great, but, what if they are family? AND they are holding your grandchildren as ransom?

That's a hard one. I guess it would all depend on the people involved. We all have our thresholds of what we can or will tolerate. For me, if it was a one or two times a year visit that I got to see my grandchildren, I'd likely (no guarantee though..lol) put up with what I could and try my best to make the visit pleasant for my grand kids. It would also depend on the grand kids age. As the saying goes, children learn what they live. Having lived with and seen how their parents treat others would likely impact their behaviour. Knowing me, I could not have that kind of disrespect in my home, family or not. I would likely go and visit them, stay in a motel and take the kids on outings. I'd also ask to have the grand kids for a visit on their own, but I know with family dynamics, that also could be problematic. Thankfully for me I won't have to deal with that, but I know plenty of people do and it's very sad.

~CC

[Bsuds]

You know what? After typing out this reply,.........I am going to will everything to the SPCA.

I'm spending all of mine and leaving debts.They can fight over who pays them.

[honeymuffins]

Communicate your concerns. They will be more respectful if they are made aware of their actions.

[LANDM]

Now, extrapolate that to; grandparent's visitation. Why should the grandparents have to pay for food, lodging, maid service, etc., to the point of "all inclusive vacation"?
I have to mop-up, clean-up, cook, supply all food and beverages for 4, plus "to-go bags", fresh seasonal fruit of the area, and meet or exceed all of the dietary requests for ............on and on ad nauseum, just so I can visit with my grandkids......
All the while my demise is being planned and the division of my assets are being discussed.

You know what? After typing out this reply,.........I am going to will everything to the SPCA.

Yeah, but you got to see the grandkids!
Don't be so darned nice to the kids. Give them the mop.

[Graham Adder]

cousin:
"I was just talking with Hubby about this summer and wanted to come visit you."

me:
"Sounds great. Any idea when you'd be coming? I'll need to make sure I'm home or close by when you come to town."

This prompts the question:
"Oh, are you going away this summer?"

answer:
"I go away pretty much every weekend possible and often take time off during summer to head for the hills."

This limits the time they plan to stay, as they know I'm not around for more than a week at a time.
It also keeps me very non-committed to their vacation needs, putting my own ahead of theirs from the start.
It sets a tone so to speak.
I'll accommodate...on my terms.

I used to home-stay international students as well, and learned early on that rules need to be in print, and posted.
Expectations should be clear and concise without creating offense. Keep things generic, so nobody can take them personal.
Google can be your friend when trying to find the right words.

Some of the rules I found important were:
No kitchen noise after 11 p.m.. That means no toaster popping, fridge door slamming or oven door squeaking.
No starting laundry after 9 p.m.. That means no dryer noise after 11 p.m.
If you eat, drink or otherwise dispose of it, replace it. That includes toilet paper.
No smoking...anything indoors. No exceptions. That includes bathroom or range hood fans.


A general rule for house guests is to plan around their best before date. They have the same expiration rules as fish.
After 3 days and they start to stink.

When I get the dates from a guest-to-be, I tell them I'll get back to them asap.
Then I pull up a calendar and have a peek at what 3 days I'll commit to accommodating them.

"Yeah, so you were thinking the week of August 21 to 27, but I can only accommodate you from the 21 to the 24. I hope you can still make that work out. I'd love to see ya!"

They will still come, and my home doesn't take on that fishy smell.