How to become a perfect Christian in 3 easy steps

Is there a god? What is the meaning of life?

How to become a perfect Christian in 3 easy steps

Postby Thinktank » Dec 12th, 2016, 6:44 am

So you've decided to become a Christian. Great. The first things you need to do is:
#1- Buy yourself a bible. You will need to memorize a few things from it.

You just have two more things to do. Now find the part in the bible that says:
-You can not serve God and mammon
- Do not store up treasures on earth where moth and rust consume
- Love of money is the root of all evil

#2 - You can use the internet to find those ^ scriptures. Read them. Now forget about them forever and try to earn more money.

#3 - Be nice. Jesus was nice. $mile occasionally, especially to the people in the building you are going
to every Sunday. But don't be too nice to the people in the world. Worldly people are not very good and can't be trusted.

If you follow these three easy steps, you will be a good Christian. One more thing - always support Israel no matter what they do.
Ukraine is broke, and undertook a war on that portion of the country that provided 30% of GDP. Now a draft, for an army, for a war, for a government that will - get this - implement IMF/EU *austerity*.
User avatar
Thinktank
Guru
 
Posts: 6138
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 562 posts
Joined: Nov 5th, 2010, 6:21 am

Re: How to become a perfect Christian in 3 easy steps

Postby Glacier » Dec 12th, 2016, 7:41 pm

The Gideons give out free bibles. No need for money.

P.S. If there's one thing that Christians and non-Christians agree on, it's that there's no such thing as a perfect Christian.

daria likes this post.
User avatar
Glacier
Admiral HMS Castanet
 
Posts: 27825
Likes: 3311 posts
Liked in: 9804 posts
Joined: Jul 6th, 2008, 10:41 pm

Re: How to become a perfect Christian in 3 easy steps

Postby JayByrd » Dec 12th, 2016, 10:57 pm

Glacier wrote:The Gideons give out free bibles. No need for money.



Aint that the truth. Think you can outrun the Gideons? Think again.
My fervent hope is that you and your tax dollars will be reunited in the afterlife.
User avatar
JayByrd
Lord of the Board
 
Posts: 3317
Likes: 643 posts
Liked in: 1358 posts
Joined: Aug 14th, 2006, 2:50 pm

Re: How to become a perfect Christian in 3 easy steps

Postby Thinktank » Dec 13th, 2016, 6:27 am

Lesson #4 -
No one knows more about being a Christian than me, because I was lucky
enough to be in a church that had a preacher that preached the truth.

If you call yourself a Christian you need to know something about Jesus "Christ."
Some loser Christians think Jesus was just a man. Not true. Don't be a loser Christian.
Wherever Jesus went, people were healed - an ordinary man can't do that.

So one time this young guy in the church returned from Germany, and two women in the church touched his garment,
probably because they thought he had special powers - like Jesus.

If you want to be a good Christian you should copy some of the things the people in the bible did - and do those things too.
Whether it makes sense or not.
Ukraine is broke, and undertook a war on that portion of the country that provided 30% of GDP. Now a draft, for an army, for a war, for a government that will - get this - implement IMF/EU *austerity*.
User avatar
Thinktank
Guru
 
Posts: 6138
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 562 posts
Joined: Nov 5th, 2010, 6:21 am

Re: How to become a perfect Christian in 3 easy steps

Postby Fancy » Dec 13th, 2016, 9:39 am

I've never had to buy a bible and I have a few.
Fancy this, Fancy that and by the way, T*t for Tat
User avatar
Fancy
Grand Pilgrim
 
Posts: 45807
Likes: 1148 posts
Liked in: 6081 posts
Joined: Apr 15th, 2006, 6:23 pm


Return to Religion & Spirituality

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: CommonCrawl [Bot] and 0 guests