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And she just walked away ,,,

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And she just walked away ,,,

Postby buteman » Dec 2nd, 2017, 4:53 am

I firmly believe that sexual harassment in the workplace is much more prevalent than most of us realize. In my opinion individuals that don't come forward do so simply because they need their jobs.

My wife worked for a well established locally owned company for seven years here in Kelowna. When she turned sixty five she quit her job ,,, " involuntary termination " as she called it. I'm not going to get into specifics but the owner of this company should be thoroughly ashamed of himself.

After my wife quit she revealed what she had been going through, I had the opportunity to chat to two other employees who completely backed up what my wife had told me. One of the ladies I talked to told me that she is being subjected to similar abuse but she is a single parent and she really needs her job.

The other employee I talked to told me that the way the employer treated my wife ( and other female employees ) was " totally reprehensible ". So my wife quit her job, her income of $ 43,500.00 is no more, she now has an income of $ 1153.00 a month ( CPP and OAS combined ).

In all probability she would be eligible for E.I. even if she did quit her job she has no doubt whatsoever that quitting her job was completely justifiable. All in all the choice to walk away quietly or pursue is her choice, she was quite concerned that if she pursued this matter that it could open up a huge can of worms and jeopardize other employees.

We are quite comfortable financially but it seems to me to be such a very sad state of affairs that good, loyal employees, well liked by all should feel forced to terminate their employment due to this type of treatment in the workplace.

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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby W105 » Dec 2nd, 2017, 5:57 am

totally understand why your wife would prefer not to say anything and just move along with her life.. but I personally think that she should say something...I know I would..

it's the only way this type of abuse will ever stop...scared into silence is exactly why these types of employers can keep getting away with this type of disgusting abuse of power..

your wife was not only basically forced out of her job, she also forfeited her EI benefits because she "involuntary" had to quit..extremely unfair in my opinion..

sometimes those cans of worms need to be opened..
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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby dogspoiler » Dec 2nd, 2017, 6:09 am

The only thing that can stop that kind of bullying behavior is to stand up to it. Your wife had the chance to do that before she left. Just walking away enables the employer to continue the same behavior with the other employees.

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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby Anonymous123 » Dec 2nd, 2017, 7:56 am

dogspoiler wrote:The only thing that can stop that kind of bullying behavior is to stand up to it. Your wife had the chance to do that before she left. Just walking away enables the employer to continue the same behavior with the other employees.


I agree, walking away is not the answer. Go public.
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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby Queen K » Dec 2nd, 2017, 8:08 am

It's not too late for the other women in the company to start writing out specifics as they happen.

Date, time, what happens.
Start saying and doing more pro-active things to mitigate against the behavior.
and ultimately, "lawyer up"

And seek legal counsel as to what may or may not be permissible in a law suit specifying the behavior.

Your wife voluntarily quit without a written statement to the company/boss as to what the problem is? It's not too late for her to write one and hope said boss sees the light and changes his behavior towards the other women.

Is the boss able to hurt your wife in some way? Destroy her professional credibilty or something else?

IF not, I say she should be writing everything out and sending it via registered mail. Not electronically.
If you have castanet friends on your facebook friend list, set your privacy setting on the friend list as "Only me." Just call, "Nagging Internet Wife" for all your problem nemesis'.

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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby kelofornia » Dec 2nd, 2017, 8:13 am

It's real easy for the bystanders to say what to do without having experienced the abuses.

Huge kudos to your wife for her ability to think of her coworkers and the bigger picture involved in going public. I hope she can use the resources available to help her heal and to cope with the change from employed to retired given the circumstances.

My only advice to her is....pursue EI. She is entitled and it may offer her some courses or other opportunities to continue her path in life outside of employment.

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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby Queen K » Dec 2nd, 2017, 8:17 am

The whole purpose of coming forward in a forum like this is to see what strangers have to say.
Some of us are answering with plenty of our own experience to go around when it comes to sexual abuse and power.

Buteman's wife still has some power but only if she uses it immediately and come forward right away. Her words could help those other women. Or maybe not. But at least the letter is registered, signed for and IF the behavior continues post being signed for and the victims are recording everything, there may be a chance of a reconciliation of sorts.
If you have castanet friends on your facebook friend list, set your privacy setting on the friend list as "Only me." Just call, "Nagging Internet Wife" for all your problem nemesis'.

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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby JLives » Dec 2nd, 2017, 8:29 am

This is reality for far too many women. I'm sorry your wife had to deal with that for so long. Women should be able to go to work and just do their job. She does still have power now to do something about it if she chooses to, to hopefully prevent it happening to coworkers. I understand why she might not want to though. It's terrible that women have to deal with this on top of all the other regular workplace issues.
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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby MAPearce » Dec 2nd, 2017, 11:07 am

Queen K wrote:The whole purpose of coming forward in a forum like this is to see what strangers have to say.
Some of us are answering with plenty of our own experience to go around when it comes to sexual abuse and power.

Buteman's wife still has some power but only if she uses it immediately and come forward right away. Her words could help those other women. Or maybe not. But at least the letter is registered, signed for and IF the behavior continues post being signed for and the victims are recording everything, there may be a chance of a reconciliation of sorts.


I agree Q ... The time is now for Buteman's wife to muster the strength to come forward .. But let's not forget that what she has to say can also help those employees that are abused just because they're employees and not only women... In my 36 years of being employeed , I find that @$$holes are @$$holes and they will harass because they can ..

A sexual harasser will also bully and harass a weak indvidual .
I payed attention in High school....But not to what they were trying to teach me..
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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby Piecemaker » Dec 2nd, 2017, 1:30 pm

Buteman's wife should be left in peace and not feel any responsibility to do anything more now that she has been forced out of her job.
She does not want to put the other women's jobs at risk by pursuing the matter, as they need their jobs to survive.
The toll harassment takes on someone is great.
Nothing will change at this worksite if the one who mistreats the women is in a position of power/the owner. It only works if he is a celebrity, in a union work site, or a business with ethical leadership and there is someone above him who can fire him. Even then, the whistle blowers are often blamed for the problems and the process for getting rid of the abusive person is extremely difficult and stressful for the ones being abused.
She just walked away...and I hope the rest of her journey is wonderful.
It's possible to do all the right things and still get a bad result.

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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby GordonH » Dec 2nd, 2017, 1:52 pm

Piecemaker wrote:Buteman's wife should be left in peace and not feel any responsibility to do anything more now that she has been forced out of her job.
She does not want to put the other women's jobs at risk by pursuing the matter, as they need their jobs to survive.
The toll harassment takes on someone is great.
Nothing will change at this worksite if the one who mistreats the women is in a position of power/the owner. It only works if he is a celebrity, in a union work site, or a business with ethical leadership and there is someone above him who can fire him. Even then, the whistle blowers are often blamed for the problems and the process for getting rid of the abusive person is extremely difficult and stressful for the ones being abused.
She just walked away...and I hope the rest of her journey is wonderful.


I get what you are saying, so only real way to effect this business owner is to hit his bottom line.
Of course you can't post the name of his business on here. That's were private message/PM can come into play, along with word of mouth.
I totally agree with MAPearse, as :cuss: holes will always be as :cuss: holes. This is the type of person who's business needs to dry up right from under them, chances are he will not learn from it though

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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby WalterWhite » Dec 2nd, 2017, 3:07 pm

GordonH wrote:
Piecemaker wrote:Buteman's wife should be left in peace and not feel any responsibility to do anything more now that she has been forced out of her job.
She does not want to put the other women's jobs at risk by pursuing the matter, as they need their jobs to survive.
The toll harassment takes on someone is great.
Nothing will change at this worksite if the one who mistreats the women is in a position of power/the owner. It only works if he is a celebrity, in a union work site, or a business with ethical leadership and there is someone above him who can fire him. Even then, the whistle blowers are often blamed for the problems and the process for getting rid of the abusive person is extremely difficult and stressful for the ones being abused.
She just walked away...and I hope the rest of her journey is wonderful.


I get what you are saying, so only real way to effect this business owner is to hit his bottom line.
Of course you can't post the name of his business on here. That's were private message/PM can come into play, along with word of mouth.
I totally agree with MAPearse, as :cuss: holes will always be as :cuss: holes. This is the type of person who's business needs to dry up right from under them, chances are he will not learn from it though


So don't encourage the other women to come forward as it would risk their current job - but boycott the business so it goes under. Hmmm - I think given the choice I'd rather take the moral high road and go forward with confronting him with allegations of impropriety.
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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby GordonH » Dec 2nd, 2017, 3:28 pm

Piecemaker wrote:Buteman's wife should be left in peace and not feel any responsibility to do anything more now that she has been forced out of her job.
She does not want to put the other women's jobs at risk by pursuing the matter, as they need their jobs to survive.
The toll harassment takes on someone is great.
Nothing will change at this worksite if the one who mistreats the women is in a position of power/the owner. It only works if he is a celebrity, in a union work site, or a business with ethical leadership and there is someone above him who can fire him. Even then, the whistle blowers are often blamed for the problems and the process for getting rid of the abusive person is extremely difficult and stressful for the ones being abused.
She just walked away...and I hope the rest of her journey is wonderful.

GordonH wrote:I get what you are saying, so only real way to effect this business owner is to hit his bottom line.
Of course you can't post the name of his business on here. That's were private message/PM can come into play, along with word of mouth.
I totally agree with MAPearse, as :cuss: holes will always be as :cuss: holes. This is the type of person who's business needs to dry up right from under them, chances are he will not learn from it though

WalterWhite wrote:So don't encourage the other women to come forward as it would risk their current job - but boycott the business so it goes under. Hmmm - I think given the choice I'd rather take the moral high road and go forward with confronting him with allegations of impropriety.


Either way his business would go under & the employees would be out of a job.
Added later: he should not be allowed to continue to treat female employees this way.
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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby Piecemaker » Dec 2nd, 2017, 7:48 pm

There's no saying that his business would go under. He could be a local good ole boy and regardless, lots of people will ignore his behavior if he provides a quality product or service that they need/want.
It's possible to do all the right things and still get a bad result.
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Re: And she just walked away ,,,

Postby GordonH » Dec 2nd, 2017, 8:07 pm

Piecemaker wrote:There's no saying that his business would go under. He could be a local good ole boy and regardless, lots of people will ignore his behavior if he provides a quality product or service that they need/want.


Here is were the problem with some members of our society, that enables this as :cuss: hole to continue to be an as :cuss: hole. Instead of calling him out on it by not using his product or service.

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