Which BC Leader would you hire to cut your lawn?

[j1hart]

Looking at the recent political party polls in BC, one wonders exactly what it all means to the average family, guy or gal when it comes to real life in BC. So I decided I would analyze the recent polls by adding a task that most British Columbians will face in the coming weeks. As the groundhog has haphazardly told us that spring is just around the corner, I pose the question: Which BC political leader would be the best person to hire to cut your lawn? Here's what the polls suggest.

BC Green Party – Jane Sterk, is the most unlikely to accomplish the job as she would want to pass legislation to make Kentucky bluegrass or Canada Green an endangered plant life. Instead of cutting the grass we would all be transplanting our lawns and relocating them to a government nature site or new provincial park, where grass would be protected and allowed to grow in an effective government-supervised fashion. Cutting and trimming devices would have to be registered in a government database to protect innocent plant life.

BC Liberals – Christy Clarke would promise to get the job done on time and on budget while creating more jobs. The project would be more expensive than offered by other parties, largely due to the Liberal carbon tax, set to increase just as the cutting and trimming season kicks into full gear. Decisions would have to be made on whether the front or back lawn is a priority, although public consultation would be non-existent as the Premier's office would make the final decision. And, in order to promote Asia Pacific trade, Clarke would use a Toro to carve out CHRISTY in big letters in the grass. All in all she does a tidy job, but never finishes, because she wanders away to ask the neighbors in nearby Alberta and Saskatchewan how they cut their lawns.

NDP – Adrian Dix would tell us that mega projects like this should be undertaken by the government for the very best results. Committees would be struck to make government decisions on important issues such as: push or power, rotary or reel, trim then rake or the other way around? Government studies would be conducted on the benefits of fertilizing and reseeding instead of mowing. The NDP government concern over the endangered dandelion would shape the debate. A Royal Commission would be convened to study the issue and a moratorium on lawn care would be put in place during the months of June, July and August. Taxes would be increased and billions spent on surveys, studies and strategies to tell British Columbians what is best for them when it comes to private, corporate and government lawn care.

BC Conservatives - as a new party leader on the political scene, John Cummins, using the common sense of common people, would say government has no business in private citizen’s choices on lawn care. He would axe the carbon tax to reduce the burden on energy. His government would get out of the way of individuals and business by cutting red tape instead of lawns. He would tell us that if we want our lawns to look right, do it yourself. BC Conservatives would then take care of real government priorities like health care, education and taxes. He would remind us that the two fundamental rules of a political system in a free society are: mind your own business and keep your hands to yourself. He would embrace the concept that a dollar in the hands of a private citizen or entrepreneur is more effective than a dollar in the hands of a politician or government bureaucrat.

Polls are merely a snapshot of a moment in time – the business of governing our province will affect us for years to come. Having a choice is a democratic privilege, and having more than two choices in BC is an imperative.

[NAB]

....but probably truer than many folk think if we are to get out of the mess we are in.

Nab

[Al Czervic]

Here is my take…

Jane Sterk would get lost on the way to your house. Instead she would end up at a press conference and explain that really she didn’t get lost but that the act of mowing lawn and the resulting green house gas emission from a lawn mower could not be justified and is harmful to the environment. Instead Sterk would propose that B.C. should be investing into a Province wide sickle manufacturing project. Sterk will continue her war on wi-fi and call for a government ban on routers. The rounded up routers could be smelted and the recovered metal used for the manufacture of sickles. It will be a green project and will generate 16 jobs at a cost of $ 344,000 per job.

Christy Clark will arrive in a low cut pair of coveralls with a full entourage of overpriced staff and a huge contingent of media in tow. Premier Clark will fire up the brand new electrically powered lawnmower purchased just for the lawn cutting opportunity and will cut exactly three rows of your lawn before staging a full on press conference extolling the benefits of mowing lawns and how that create jobs in the Christy Clark economy. After 45 minutes everyone will depart and your lawn will remain unfinished and you wondering what the hell just happened.

Adrian Dix will arrive with a three person CUPE Union team driving a 5 ton truck towing a trailer with a lawn mower large enough to cut a soccer field and of course Jim Sinclair along for back up. First Sinclair will deliver a sermon on the importance of people cutting a lawn to earn living wages while Dix follows up with a speech on what a great guy he is and how positive he is all while attacking the BC Liberals in the most negative way possible. After 45 minutes, most of the time spent unloading the lawnmower, the CUPE work crew will depart for their contractual 60 minute lunch break and return 90 minutes later. After three hours in total, your lawn will be mowed and you will get a bill for $ 2700. You complain about the amount but Dix tells you not to worry about actually paying it. “Who actually pays a bill” says Dix as he follows Jim Sinclair down the road.

John Cummins will arrive and proceed to criticize Christy Clark for using a lawn mowing event as a photo opportunity. Next he will criticize Adrian Dix for cutting the lawn and charging so much money to do so. After he will randomly criticize a nearby first nations band for not being in the lawn cutting business and then will proceed to repeat the same criticism of everyone else for not cutting a lawn up north instead where it really matters. In the end Cummins will leave without touching your lawn. It turns out he is collecting a gold plated taxpayer financed MP pension and doesn’t really need to cut your lawn at all, he just wanted to come out an criticize everyone else for how they did it.

Finally Chris Delaney from the BC First party will arrive. After a short prayer “thanking god” for Bill VanderZalm, Delaney will then explain that the reason for all of your lawn cutting issues is really all part of a vast conspiracy orchestrated by Elections BC and the Acting Chief Electoral Officer. He remarks that he will be asking the RCMP to do a full criminal investigation and when they refuse they will also be part of the conspiracy as well. Meanwhile VanderZalm arrives and has his personal gardener do the job for $ 20. Both VanderZalm and Delaney explain that this $ 20 would be subject to an extra $ 1.40 in HST and that will result in the sky falling and the end to civilized society as we know it. They will retreat to VanderZalm’s limousine and leave. And once again you will be wondering what the hell just happened.

[Urbane]

I'm sick of politicians in general so I'll just mow my own lawn.

[Al Czervic]

I'm sick of politicians in general so I'll just mow my own lawn.

Think of the HST you will save.....

[Urbane]

I'm sick of politicians in general so I'll just mow my own lawn.




Think of the HST you will save.....