R.I.P Amanda Todd

[OnTheRoadAgain]

Excellent points, coffee.

Just picking up the "what's on YOUR TV?" part ... are there any shows that don't have racism, put-downs, ridiculing/humiliating others, name calling, intense competition, violence and retaliation, etc, etc.?

I don't think it's TV, I think it's the way people are raised. There were just as many *bleep* shows ten years ago as there are now. I think parenting has gotten worse over the years. Too many parents trying to be their kids "friend" than their parent like the above poster said.

Too many parents more concerned with paying the bills than paying attention to their kids.
Too many parents unaware that they are constantly role modelling for their kids.
Too many parents who don't have time for their kids and work full time too.
Too many parents sending their kids out into peer orientation public schools at 3 years of age.
Too many parents building their castle and contents and funding extra curricular activities for their kids, so they have even less time to spend 'in relationship' with them.
Too many kids walking around with a huge hole in their heart the exact same shape as their fathers......

[janalta]

Parents also need to stop giving their kids free reign to do whatever they want on the internet. I know people who let their kids have their own computers in their room and are always on them. The computer should be in a public area of the house with parental locks on them. No chatrooms, facebook, etc. Sure, you might get bitched out by your kid for being one of the few kids who isn't on facebook when all their friends are but who cares. Suck it up and say no. You're the parent. Set time limits for the internet and have periods of time where the computer is off for everyone. Have family time, these commercials we see where everyone is in the living room on their own laptop are ridiculous and setting poor examples for family life. Unplug.

I can't agree with that at all....teens deserve freedom, privacy and trust..... unless they prove they don't.
There's no harm at all in teens having FB or Twitter...millions use it every day without abusing it.

But...parents do need to take an interest in what their kids are doing. My kids are all on my Fb, which means that I can see anything they post...their choice, it is not something I forced on them. It's called mutual trust and respect

[underscore]

Parents also need to stop giving their kids free reign to do whatever they want on the internet. I know people who let their kids have their own computers in their room and are always on them. The computer should be in a public area of the house with parental locks on them. No chatrooms, facebook, etc. Sure, you might get bitched out by your kid for being one of the few kids who isn't on facebook when all their friends are but who cares. Suck it up and say no. You're the parent. Set time limits for the internet and have periods of time where the computer is off for everyone. Have family time, these commercials we see where everyone is in the living room on their own laptop are ridiculous and setting poor examples for family life. Unplug.

The kids will get facebook accounts etc, the problem (imo) is that they've made it a lot easier to track what kids do, but noone takes advantage of it. If their cellphone bill goes through you, you can get a printout of all text messages incoming and outgoing. Don't get a kid an unlimited picture messaging plan, thats just silly. Toss a keylogger on all PC's, and use IMDB's parent ratings before permitting TV shows and movies...

[OnTheRoadAgain]

I don't think it's TV, I think it's the way people are raised. There were just as many *bleep* shows ten years ago as there are now. I think parenting has gotten worse over the years. Too many parents trying to be their kids "friend" than their parent like the above poster said.

I don't think it's the television itself that is the problem, it's the lack of discussion between kids and parents during and after the television shows.

[MJC83]

how very true.

I have always said that this all starts at home. Too many parents try to be a friend these days rather than a parent!

I think if these too many parents were not friends with their kids, they would have no relationship at all.
At least if they feel like 'friends', they will talk with each other, trust each other and not keep dangerous secrets.
While the parent may consider himself the kids friend, the kid still considers him the parent.

That's the thing though, the kids don't. When the parent desperately tries to be their kids friend, the kid walks all over them. You don't have kids to build up your group of friends. If you want friends, go make some. If you want children, grow up and raise them as parents, not as buddies.

[OnTheRoadAgain]

After reading some of the comments placed on here, I agree fully with what everyone says. But the TV show thing, my daughter watches TV shows that im not exactly keen on, but she also knows the difference between reality and fake. She knows how to treat people and she also knows that if she ever treated anyone with dis respect, or bullied another person, the punishment she would get. I was raised by my parents with spankings, wooden spoons breaking on the counter and also would get treated by them the same way I treated others. If I was rude, spoke ill about some one, they treated me the same, so I knew how it felt. It worked, I was bullied as a teenager but over came it all, because I knew that I wanted to be better then that. Even when I spoke nasty things about my bully to my parents, they reminded me I was acting and doing the same as they were that made me feel so insecure about myself. My daughter who is 8 years old has been a victim of bullying and has been since grade 1. The difference is, my husband and I have taught my daughter the difference between what they are doing. It is not right, we have gone to some of the parents, one parent came out and said kids will be kids. UMMMM ya so when they hit 14-15 years old are your going to say oh teenagers will be teenagers when they beat up or bully another child, to where they want to die. Im sorry, the way adults think and also teach their child is wrong in every way. I dont think that you should spank your child, or anything, each to their own. My daughter yes has received one spanking, and that was for picking up a laptop computer and throwing it at her younger brother.(i felt guilty and more worse then she did) But in my opinion

[b]Bullying starts at home! and I believe my opinion that the parents are to blame one hundred percent.[/b]

I see more drinking or get togethers of adults while their kids sit and watch tv, play their WII or DS or even be apart of these get togethers and they hear and see everything rude or not acceptable for young ears to hear. Less time is actually spent with the children. And i my self am at fault for this to. But I learned, and now when we have get togethers we dont tell the kids to go away, we have child friendly (that includes teenagers) conversations. At 9pm the kids should be in bed, and if you have teenagers well its adult time there is no need for them to be apart of it. They are out of ear, so we can have that adult conversation and enjoy some much needed adult time. The kids learn from what the see and hear, from us. And need to be taught the difference. As adults we are more of a bully then anything, whether you agree or not. But next time your driving down the road and some cuts you off, listen to what you say. Your children have heard all this. It took my child to be bullied for me to realize I was a bully as well, but in different ways. I wasnt purposely being one, but I was!

You feel guilty when you hit your child, because it is actually a bully tactic. You know you don't want to hit your child, ever, because you are using power to gain control, and your child might turn around and use that on someone else (of course, only if justified, as the parent was). If you want to blame parents, this is where you could start, because it sets up an example - it role models to the kid how you handle these things. Spanking is quick and salient, but it sends more than one message to the child.
In this sense, you could blame the parent when the child strikes out at someone else, because of the role modelling, because of the child's insecurity and sense of powerlessness, because the parent thought the lesson was learned at the end of the spanking, It tells the kid what not to do, don't do that again, but tells them nothing about what to do instead.

But in the sense of blaming the parents that they have taught their kids to act like this, it's a lame blame game that goes nowhere. No parent would condone this kind of treatment of one of their kids peers. Trouble is, many parents don't realize that the smaller digs are what add up to this kind of ending.

[OnTheRoadAgain]

[

I can't agree with that at all....teens deserve freedom, privacy and trust..... unless they prove they don't.
There's no harm at all in teens having FB or Twitter...millions use it every day without abusing it.

But...parents do need to take an interest in what their kids are doing. My kids are all on my Fb, which means that I can see anything they post...their choice, it is not something I forced on them. It's called mutual trust and respect

I can't agree with that at all....teens have to earn their trust, from the age of six or so onwards.
Their privacy and privileges are guided by their ability to handle them.
Handing a teen free reign on the internet with no checks and balances is dangerous, especially when they haven't been taught from a young age how to use this tool.
Mutual trust and respect is earned through mutual trust, and respect.

[underscore]

Parents also need to stop giving their kids free reign to do whatever they want on the internet. I know people who let their kids have their own computers in their room and are always on them. The computer should be in a public area of the house with parental locks on them. No chatrooms, facebook, etc. Sure, you might get bitched out by your kid for being one of the few kids who isn't on facebook when all their friends are but who cares. Suck it up and say no. You're the parent. Set time limits for the internet and have periods of time where the computer is off for everyone. Have family time, these commercials we see where everyone is in the living room on their own laptop are ridiculous and setting poor examples for family life. Unplug.

I can't agree with that at all....teens deserve freedom, privacy and trust..... unless they prove they don't.
There's no harm at all in teens having FB or Twitter...millions use it every day without abusing it.

But...parents do need to take an interest in what their kids are doing. My kids are all on my Fb, which means that I can see anything they post...their choice, it is not something I forced on them. It's called mutual trust and respect

You do realize you can selectively block people from seeing posts, right? Kids don't "deserve" anything, yet people seem to give their kids everything.

[OnTheRoadAgain]

Yes, this is another problem, the parents idea that they do have control, that they are in control, that they have everything set up for success, but their kids know more than the do about the systems the parents are trying to monitor. And yes, the kids know this.

[janalta]

I can't agree with that at all....teens have to earn their trust, from the age of six or so onwards.
Their privacy and privileges are guided by their ability to handle them.
Handing a teen free reign on the internet with no checks and balances is dangerous, especially when they haven't been taught from a young age how to use this tool.
Mutual trust and respect is earned through mutual trust, and respect.

Did I say anywhere that teens should have free reign?
I believe I stated that my kids all have me on their Fb accounts. If your kids don't want you near their accounts...there's probably good reason and something to hide.

You can trust your kids if you have been involved in their lives from day one...and I stand by the fact that unless they show reason not to be trusted....they deserve our trust.
Banning your kids completely from using social media isn't the answer. If you feel the need to go that route, you have obviousy missed the boat on the whole building mutual trust and respect thing.

[grammafreddy]

Long before there was ever TV, computers or social media, there was bullying. I am old enough that I remember the invention of TV. There was bullying before that.

So, we can't blame bullying on TV, computers, etc.

What has changed is the degree of violence and the increased bullying done by girls. I think Reena Virk's 1997 murder brought that to the forefront of society's attention - the fact that females could be/are as violent/vicious/vindictive as boys.

[OnTheRoadAgain]

What I can't believe is that video was up for a month, and nobody stepped in to help her.
NOBODY!
Somebody - ONE PERSON - could have helped this girl save her own life.
I can imagine the pain of living with her embarassment, along with being teased and treated like crap by her peers,
I can imagine why suicide seemed to be the best option for Amanda.
I doubt she will rest in peace, and I doubt the bullies will live happily with the knowledge that they contributed to her death.

THIRTEEN is a very very very delicate age for girls, Keep a close eye on them parents. Talk with them every day.
Dads, your daughters will look for a man like you, so be the man you want your daughter to marry, and treat your daughters like you cherish them, so they know they are loved.

[janalta]

You do realize you can selectively block people from seeing posts, right? Kids don't "deserve" anything, yet people seem to give their kids everything.

I am well aware of that fact and am rather astounded at the lack of respect and credit people here have for teens.
They are not all disrespectful bullying monsters.
Teens do deserve to be treated like people.

[the truth]

man what a sad story, my kids are in there teens and spend zero time on facebook,too busy being busy to wast there time on the computer thank god
rip amanda

[OnTheRoadAgain]

I can't agree with that at all....teens have to earn their trust, from the age of six or so onwards.
Their privacy and privileges are guided by their ability to handle them.
Handing a teen free reign on the internet with no checks and balances is dangerous, especially when they haven't been taught from a young age how to use this tool.
Mutual trust and respect is earned through mutual trust, and respect.

Did I say anywhere that teens should have free reign?
I believe I stated that my kids all have me on their Fb accounts. If your kids don't want you near their accounts...there's probably good reason and something to hide.

You can trust your kids if you have been involved in their lives from day one...and I stand by the fact that unless they show reason not to be trusted....they deserve our trust.
Banning your kids completely from using social media isn't the answer. If you feel the need to go that route, you have obviousy missed the boat on the whole building mutual trust and respect thing.

We are discussing teens, not just your teens, so please keep in mind.
Having a password for facebook and checking once in a while, even daily, is free reign, that's what I'm saying.
I didn't say anything about banning either. That brings more rebellion. Supervision and discussion is key.
Mutual trust and respect is not a guarantee that your teen won't get into trouble on the internet.
That's my point.