30% of seniors living alone

[Queen K]

It's sad how some families could care less about older members of the family.

Children who were treated well by their parents won't leave them alone. Perhaps said parents weren't all that great and children are serving them their just desserts.

Karma.

Oh I see this all the time.

[Urban Cowboy]

It's sad how some families could care less about older members of the family.

Children who were treated well by their parents won't leave them alone.

Yes that's the fear.

[JLives]

30% of old spouses die before their partner.......sad.

However it is also a statistic that STD transmission is highest in the elder generation these days, yeah, they live alone but they don't sleep along.

I mean good for them, but c'mon folks your hip might be new but chlamydia isn't.

Don't 100% of old spouses die before their partner?

I've seen the stats on STDs and it makes sense. I'm glad they're finding some joy in life but should definitely be protecting themselves. At the very least from the ones that make you itchy.

[Bsuds]

Don't 100% of old spouses die before their partner?

Yes and usually the Husband...because he wants too.

[Urban Cowboy]

Blame it on that endless honey-do list. The only way it ever ends is when honey is done.

[alanjh595]

When I was married and cohabitating with my wife, I used to help with the housework. I would lift my feet so that she mop under them. Now that she is gone, I sometimes wonder what had become of that old mop.

[Merry]

I watched my mother grow old and lonely (couldn't help much other than a daily phone call and an annual visit because I lived half a world away) and, based on what she told me, part of the problem is that when your spouse dies a lot of your couples friends gradually fall away. In part because the wife thinks your after her husband (or vice versa). And trying to make new friends with people who are a bit deaf and don't have much of a social life (therefore not much to talk about) is very difficult.

In her sixties and early seventies my mother used to go on coach holidays for singles and stuff like that, but as she got even older and her health made going on such trips difficult, her world began to shrink to the point where SHE became the one who had little to talk about (because she didn't go out much, and lost a lot of both her sight and hearing).

My sister-in-law used to go round on her day off and take her out for lunch and shopping, but when mum began to have difficulty walking, even that form of socialization became impossible. So her world shrank even more.

Then she began to have falls, so they put her in a home. And once there, the few people who had been going to visit her occasionally, seemed to feel it was no longer necessary. And one by one, they gradually stopped going. Even my sister-in-law.

Mum had difficulty watching TV because she was legally blind, could no longer read or knit for the same reason, and when it got to the point that she could no longer even talk to me on the phone because she couldn't hear a word I was saying, she became so depressed she stopped eating and soon died.

What an awful way to end your life, yet it happens to far too many of us. I'm dreading it happening to me one day; but know that it might.

[Cactusflower]

I went for a long walk in the sunshine after I read your comment, Merry, because it distressed me so. I know your mother was not the only person whose life ended in such a sad way. My own mother suffered somewhat the same fate. She became a widow at the age of 46 and never remarried. I was a young teenager and didn't realize at the time how difficult her life was after that.

But that was long ago and times have changed. People have changed, too. Women are far more independent than they were back then, even while their spouses are still with them. Many women seem to be able to cope quite well on their own, but there are still those who suffer from loneliness, especially when due to failing health, they become more isolated.

I tried to put myself in our mothers' position while I was out walking this afternoon, but it only left me feeling even more depressed. I guess the only hope we have is that we stay in good health until a ripe old age, and then just nod off one night and re-awaken in better world.

[alanjh595]

I will now share my story.

I am the elder sibling of a 2 child family. I was asked to move back "home" in 2003 to help Mom care for my father. I did so and in 2007 my Dad committed suicide with his heart medications. (I understand his reasons and the many years of pain that he had endured). The last thing Dad said to me as they took him away to the hospital was, "Look after your Mom". I spent the next 7 years doing as he wished.
Mom had Alzheimer's and didn't really start to understand it for a couple of years later. It has been a very difficult 7 years. I have taken her to the Dr., got her to surrender her DL, informed the neighbours to watch out for her if she is outside. I changed my work schedule to 3AM- 10AM, so that I could be home to help with lunch and supper and shopping.Then that was not acceptable to my employer and had to quit.
The last 2 years has been the worst as the disease has progressed into Dementia. She has been wondering in the middle of the night and she didn't know where she was or even who I was.
The most heartbreaking part is that I had to go in for a major surgery on Aug 30. They called a "code BLUE" on me twice afterwards due to complications. (without getting into details) my estranged sister took my Mom from home and I have not been allowed to speak to her or even know where she is.

Enough of my sob story, the rest of you should be happy that you have not had to go through this.

[LANDM]

Not everyone "needs" to replace a spouse. My father died in his early 60’s while my mother lived another 30 years and filled her life with family and friends to the extent she needed. It was only when dementia set in for the last 3-5 years of her life that it became horrible.
I immediately changed my health directives to be as strong as possible to allow me to die in the event of dementia. I have promised my kids "a little extra in the will" if they kill me if I am demented.

Having lived through the care process, I would never want to go through it or put others through it.

But, as someone else stated, living alone isn’t the same as being lonely. I have seen people in relationships that are lonely. Also, some people just *need* to have someone else around. That void, after the loss of a spouse, must be filled.....but that can create all sorts of other family issues as I am seeing with a parent-in-law right now.

[seewood]

Boy, am I ever fortunate, touch wood. Mom in her late 80's took up table tennis several years ago after 40+ years of tennis ( was Canadian ranked later in life) and plays table tennis twice a week. She played it during the war in England while in the shelters. Organises bridge with 20 others twice a week. Still drives so takes herself to the Okanagan symphony.
Dad in his late 80's is getting the first of his knees replaced. Still spends better part of the summers on his boat on the coast. Whips through crosswords and seduko's. Walks to get groceries and to coffee shops. ( He lives in Van)
Going to be a tough act to follow. Both in their younger years kept themselves fit and watched what they ate and drank.
I'm so blessed to have them still around.

[Cactusflower]

I will now share my story.

I am the elder sibling of a 2 child family. I was asked to move back "home" in 2003 to help Mom care for my father. I did so and in 2007 my Dad committed suicide with his heart medications. (I understand his reasons and the many years of pain that he had endured). The last thing Dad said to me as they took him away to the hospital was, "Look after your Mom". I spent the next 7 years doing as he wished.
Mom had Alzheimer's and didn't really start to understand it for a couple of years later. It has been a very difficult 7 years. I have taken her to the Dr., got her to surrender her DL, informed the neighbours to watch out for her if she is outside. I changed my work schedule to 3AM- 10AM, so that I could be home to help with lunch and supper and shopping.Then that was not acceptable to my employer and had to quit.
The last 2 years has been the worst as the disease has progressed into Dementia. She has been wondering in the middle of the night and she didn't know where she was or even who I was.
The most heartbreaking part is that I had to go in for a major surgery on Aug 30. They called a "code BLUE" on me twice afterwards due to complications. (without getting into details) my estranged sister took my Mom from home and I have not been allowed to speak to her or even know where she is.

Enough of my sob story, the rest of you should be happy that you have not had to go through this.

Thanks for sharing. It seems many of us have stories that we need to share. What I find saddest of all is that we feel the need to share them on social media.

[UhHuhYeahSure]

So....are we supposed to read the topic title as a bad thing?

As my senior years start to appear on my doorstep, I enjoy my own company and privacy more and more.

After a lifetime of putting up with people every day, being alone looks pretty damned good.

Be your own best friend. You might like it more than the friends you have now.

[Urban Cowboy]

[Queen K]

I know lots of senior men and women who would not want to be married again for anything. They want to be alone. Why have hamburger when I've had steak? That sort of thing.