Bullied bus monitor

[Fancy]

Lip service. Sure the parents are horrified and I do believe discpline is in order which hopefully they will follow up on. There must be repercussions for bad behaviour not just talk and meetings. All the kid hears is blah blah blah.

[CoffeeCanuck]

This is how I would handle the situation if one of those boys was my son.

After finding out my son was indeed a part of something so vile, I would be having a private in-home and in-depth conversation about the incident. I would first ask my son to tell me his side of what went on, paying special attention to his body language, and any other signals he would be displaying, that would tell me if he was being truthful, and how he actually feels about what happened. After he finished explaining, I would then ask a number of very pointed questions, again, watching my son for his reactions, such as genuine remorse, shame for his actions and/or inaction, genuine empathy for the victim, or any attempt to downplay or conceal what he did.

We would then be discussing, again, in-depth, everything that led up to this incident, the other boys involvement, how he should have handled the situation when the other boys started in on the victim (if he wasn't the ring leader). I would be doing a lot of listening and watching, and my son doing most of the talking, with specific prompting from me.

How I would proceed, would depend on my son's understanding of just how degrading, hateful, disgusting, and shameful, his actions were. If I sensed, or knew, for one second that he was only paying lip service for being sorry, I would be seeking out professional counseling help for my son, as there is obviously something deeper going on. Knowing my son was deeply remorseful for partaking in this incident, we would then talk about what he has learned from this incident and how he will make better choices in the future. After this lengthy discussion, I would then ask my son how he feels he should be punished. I don't care how sorry he is, a serious and despicable act was committed, and along with many teachable moments, punishment will follow, from me, as well as from the school.

Even though I would ask my son how he feels he should be punished, I already know how it will happen. Why do I ask him for his input then? Because I really want him to think about the depth of his wrong doing and hey, he may give me an added punishment I hadn't thought of.

My punishment would be as follows.

1. A lengthy, hand written letter of apology, detailing exactly his part in the incident, every single statement he made, and explaining why it was wrong, how very truly and deeply sorry he was, and how he planned to make better choices in the future.

2. As the parent, I would call the victim on the phone, explain to her how incredibly sad and sorry I was that this happened, and that my son was a participant. I would then go on to explain exactly how I had handled the fall out with my son, and that he had written out an apology that he, along with me, would like to personally give to her. I would respect her wishes if she did not want to meet with my son and I, but I would hope she would, as it is important for my son to look her in the eyes as he hands her his letter, and verbally apologizes. It would be explained to her exactly how I planned to punish my son.

3. My son would lose all freedom for the entire summer. No going to camp, no going over to friends or having friends over. He would lose access to the tv, computer, and video games. If the victim has a special charity, and if it was local, such as an animal shelter, my son would be volunteering his time all summer at the charity of her choice. If that option was not available, he would then be working, either a paper route, yard work in the neighbourhood etc. He would be required to turn over 100% of his earnings from his summer job and just before the beginning of school in the fall, we would be contacting the victim to tell her how much money he had made, and that he is donating the entire amount in her name. My son would also have lost the privilege of using the school bus for the next entire school year.

Along with my punishment my son would also accept whatever punishment the school decided to hand out.

~D

[The Green Barbarian]

good post! I am afraid my dad wouldn't have been as patient - I probably would have just been thrashed within an inch of my life as punishment. Of course, the fear of being thrashed within an inch of my life would have ensured that I never would have engaged in this kind of activity in the first place, but that's a "chicken-egg" argument I guess.

Your way is better, I assure you.

[Fancy]

Karen Klein has stated she will be donating to down syndrome charity. The children should have their cell phones confiscated (they obviously don't know what they should be used for) and work with the underprivileged as well as yard work for Klein if possible. I doubt she wants anything to do with them though.

[fvkasm2x]

The apology means nothing. They're sorry, all right. Sorry they got caught. You can TRY and educate all you want, but at the end of the day Offroads program is (in my opinion) to long and drawn out.

The problem with her approach (and every approach) is that not everything works for everyone. You can't just throw blanket solutions out there to solve problems.

Can these kids even be rehabilitated? From the venom they were spewing in the video, I highly doubt it. They sound like evil little trolls. They sound like they need tough love of the boot camp variety... not hugs, rainbows and talking about feelings.

Restorative justice can and does work... but I think it would be a waste of time for these boys. But I obviously know nothing about them... only what I heard from their mouths.

[mexicalidreamer]

Unless I missed something in the articles I read, the hug came from the father of one of the bullies. Two of the kids have written apologies which she (Karen) is suspect of as she should be.

One father has taken the time to reach out to her. No one else.

I have been witness to some poor behavior, even disgusting, in my life but I have never heard anything so abhorrent as the poison coming from the mouths of these kids.

They are beyond counselling. They fear nothing. They respect nothing and the only remorse they feel is at the fact that they got caught.

How stupid do you have to be to think that something like this would not get attention?

I feel sorry for any of you who feel that there is anything to be gained by wasting time on these kids. Their path has been chosen.

[Queen K]

Kids are pretty cruel when left alone.

Know what's equally disturbing? How many kids were on that bus who did just that? Sat there and left them alone to continue exactly what they were doing? Five? Ten? I'd say a whole lot of kids did pretend they didn't see it and didn't do nothing to stop it.

They whole bus load is guilty.

[Triple 6]

They whole bus load is guilty.

Maybe. But ... I would think that other kids wouldn't intervene for fear of becoming the target themselves? Just a thought.

[Fancy]

Unless I missed something in the articles I read, the hug came from the father of one of the bullies. Two of the kids have written apologies which she (Karen) is suspect of as she should be.

I think I saw it on a newscast - hug from student. I may be mistaken - I'll see if I can find it. It may be I misinterpreted the newscast at Klein's house and the clip on the videographer. This may be what I was watching that has been edited.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzftAf-S ... re=related

What is disturbing too is there are two others that have been posted. Two it seems are from the same day.

People at the front of the bus and the bus driver may not have seen what was going on at the back of the bus - it would be just as chaotic and noisy at the front but no question there are others that are just as guilty as a bystander and witness than the four that have signalled out. Looking at the second video - it appears those are small busses - probably everyone should have known of the harrassment.

What is disturbing too are some of the comments and videos uploaded - parents need to start checking on what their kids are doing online.

[Hmmm]

They are beyond counselling. They fear nothing. They respect nothing and the only remorse they feel is at the fact that they got caught.



I feel sorry for any of you who feel that there is anything to be gained by wasting time on these kids. Their path has been chosen.

Wow, who let the water out of your pool? Every child and in fact most adults can change for the better. Certainly children can grow up to be completely different from the stupid kids they were. Maybe I read you wrong but ,the above statements seem pretty clear. If thats your opinion, you have led a very sheltered, abusive life. I'm sorry

[Fancy]

Isn't that also being judgmental? The child that took the video and posted thought it was okay because others have. Does that make sense? Parents are allowing this type of behaviour and if they don't change, neither will the kids.

[Hmmm]

Isn't that also being judgmental? The child that took the video and posted thought it was okay because others have. Does that make sense? Parents are allowing this type of behaviour and if they don't change, neither will the kids.

Are you referring to my comments? I'm sure you don't think all children can't change. If you don't think so along with zep, I can only guess what life experience you must have suffered. Don't keep blaming everyone else for troubles, look inward.

[Fancy]

Excuse me?

Are you referring to my comments? I'm sure you don't think all children can't change. If you don't think so along with zep, I can only guess what life experience you must have suffered. Don't keep blaming everyone else for troubles, look inward.

Why are you guessing about my life experiences and how much I've suffered? Why would you think I'm blaming everyone else for troubles? You lost track of the topic?

[Fancy]

Don't keep blaming everyone else for troubles, look inward.

Is that what you'd like to tell the bus monitor?

[Hmmm]

"Fancy"
Those kids were beyond mean and there is no excuse. My comment to Zep was about the "they can't change part". Your comment seem to say I was being judgmental when I said all kids can change.

I did add that if you don't think so, it is because of your personal experience. If you cannot see that all kids can change it would be because you blame others still for your issues from being a kid. Look inward for your issues may seem harsh, but taking charge of yourself, regardless of others is a must, or your right, you can't change.