Why do women keep going back to abusive relationships?

[Queen K]

https://www.castanet.net/edition/news-s ... htm#221498

She made to a womans shelter,
And then went back.

So sad today.

[Bsuds]

He should be thrown in a cage with hungry Alligators!

[kgcayenne]

One of the many, complex reasons they keep going back is because they've been demoralized to the point where they don't know their worth.

[Ka-El]

Why do women keep going back to abusive relationships? It seems crazy, doesn’t it – but as with many social issues the reasons (and therefore any potential solutions) are multi-faceted, complex and not necessarily easy to explain.

http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/why-abuse-v ... -back.html

http://www.wisegeek.org/why-do-women-re ... nships.htm

https://www.empowher.com/domestic-abuse ... ationships

http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2012 ... bused-them

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-craig ... 86921.html

Domestic violence is a very serious issue (not explained by the fact that men sometimes get raped in prisons) that in addition to the injury of people and families (google the impact on children who witness abuse) has a great economic cost to society as a whole (somewhere in the neighborhood of a couple billion annually). Unfortunately, violently abusive behavior by men toward their partners is far more prevalent than some men want to acknowledge (for different reasons I suspect). However, this is definitely a case of where if you’re not part of the solution (speaking out) then you’re part of the problem.

[Ka-El]

Try going for help or speaking up if you are a man with a abusive female partner. It won't work out as I don't think I have ever heard of a place a man can turn to in that situation.

That is changing as we become more aware, and as men start to report (different dynamics involved). Back to the issue of abusing women though, I was suggesting men need to stop deflecting stop denying it, stop deflecting and start speaking out against it. That much could be as simple as acknowledging it really does happen (a lot) and saying it is not all right.

[Snman]

Ka-El is right. Men need to say enough of this *bleep*. I think about the neighbours who heard commotion over there and wonder if anyone ever went over to help. I know for certain that if I heard that sort of thing going on at my neighbours I would be knocking on the door. Might get my azz kicked but to do nothing is gutless and senseless. A very sad tale indeed.

[Silverstarqueen]

If I had to guess, she went back because she didn't believe he would kill her. and/or she believed his promises that he was going to straighten up or clean up.

[Silverstarqueen]

However, this is definitely a case of where if you’re not part of the solution (speaking out) then you’re part of the problem.

Try going for help or speaking up if you are a man with a abusive female partner. It won't work out as I don't think I have ever heard of a place a man can turn to in that situation.

Perhaps there is more help for females because over 80% of the victims of spousal violence or homicide are women. And because often women have children and therefore need protection and shelter for their safety and mental health as well.

[TylerM4]

Women abuse men all of the time, just not physically.

As to why they return to abusive relationships - like mentioned, the reasons are varied and complicated but most can be summarized as "Low self esteem".

[shoo]

Women abuse men all of the time, just not physically.

As to why they return to abusive relationships - like mentioned, the reasons are varied and complicated but most can be summarized as "Low self esteem".

Not sure about low self esteem being the major reason for returning to the abuser. The most dangerous time for a woman in any relationship is when she tries to leave. This is when most domestic murders occur. This particular woman had 3 daughters, and abusers sometimes threaten to hurt the kids, so I would say it’s complicated and speculation at this point.

[oneh2obabe]

1. A lack of social support
One of the hallmarks of an abusive relationship is an abuser gradually isolating the victim from her support network, including friends and family. Since it happens over time, often victims of domestic violence don’t even realize what’s happening until it’s too late. They may be scared of reaching out to their former support network, or they may feel there’s no one they can trust.

2. Limited financial resources
If the victim shares a joint bank account with her abuser, it’s hard to break free. Some abusers may even take a victim’s paycheck or create a very strict budget to try to ensure the victim is unable to leave without ending up on the streets. When combined with a diminishing support network, this can make it almost impossible to get out.

3. Minimal work experience
If the victim has been a stay-at-home mother or hasn’t been allowed to keep a steady job, this can make the idea of breaking free even more daunting. It can be difficult to find a job that pays enough to allow her to escape — especially if children are in the equation.

4. Child custody and support
It’s easy to be frustrated or even angry with women who don’t remove their children from an abusive environment. Unfortunately, sometimes the only alternative is that the victim might be unable to support her children at all — or that sole custody will be given to the abusive parent.

5. Pets
Many men actually keep their partners in line by threatening the victim’s pets. If a woman’s only option is to go to a shelter where her pet isn’t allowed, her fears for the animal’s safety keep her from leaving. She may not have any options for temporary care while she works on becoming more independent.

6. Fear of being alone
Obviously, it’s better to be alone than to be in a relationship that hurts you, but many victims of physical and emotional abuse have been convinced that no one else could possibly want them. When you truly believe that you may never find someone else, it’s possible to rationalize away some seriously twisted behavior.

7. Family or community pressure
If the victim belongs to a religion that frowns upon divorce, or if family members have a strong relationships with the abuser, they may pressure the victim to try to work things out. This social pressure can make the victim feel guilty for wanting to leave and keep her from accessing the resources she would need to make a clean break.

8. Guilt for “causing” the abuse
A common tactic abusers like to use is listing all the reasons why the victim’s behavior provoked them. Believe it or not, hearing this over and over again can actually make the victim start to doubt her own sanity — making her question her version of events. Victims will often find themselves walking on eggshells and trying desperately to avoid behaviors they believe will cause the abuse.

9. A seemingly healthy relationship
Some abusers will go weeks or months between violent or manipulative episodes. They may seem genuinely remorseful about their bad behavior and claim they’re willing to change. A woman in this type of relationship may believe that the abuse really won’t happen again — or that it’s worth sticking through the bad parts because the rest of the relationship makes her happy.

10. Fear of provoking additional violence.
It’s a sad statistic, but a good 75 percent of women who are killed by their partners are murdered during or after an attempt to leave the relationship. If the choice is between a black eye or death, sometimes the smart choice is to stay put.
https://www.care2.com/causes/10-reasons ... users.html

[liisgo]

You might not be the cause of this issue, but you are definitely a contributor.

Lets start with men,
Contrary to what society, media, government want to stuff into our minds is that Most Men, Almost all of us are not Abusers.
We are not silent and doing nothing, or any less than you about it. We do not support it amongst our groups if any is happening.
Everyone, including men have at some time been subjected to abusive with in a relationship, maybe more mental, but equally damaging. Slapped, things thrown at you, belittling, verbal attacks, threats etc are also part of mens lives.
Until you can see the power of a controlling, vendictive women, just maybe start opening up to the idea that just maybe it is happening. The mental abuse of going through a sour relationship and the crushing reality of the realisation that you still to this day are second in importance to your childrens lives. And to fall to the continually abuse of this when its so very clear who controls this power and uses it.
If we weren't so ignorant to the realiaties.
Women,
Men's voices get heard with in society on these issues about as much as a tree falling in the forest. Even in this forum, continually removing any acknowledgment from a women's side and constantly bringing it all back to men at fault. Terms like all men, men need to stop sitting back, refusing to acknowledge, etc. See we do acknowledge, we do act, we do not support and most of all, Most of us men do not abuse. Understand, Most of us do not.
The first step in actually dealing with this is women need to acknowledge, all of them, that your quest to blame men, to make this a one sided issue, to control this item exist's.
Acknowledge that it is real that women abuse men and other women in relationships the same amount,but maybe differently.
Actually speak out this acknowledgement so men can see that your finally getting it. Set an actual example just once.
See men do not need to just continually be told by you that we are all the only part of fixing in this when we obviousily witness that you, society and the system has no interest in your own acknowledgement.
Men are not the cause, any more than women.
Men do not hold the key to eliminating it, any more than women.
Men are abused just as much, maybe more mentally.

Just maybe, when this society of attacking, confronting, labeling only the other can stop, then we can deal with these issues.
This post is not about defending abuse, denying one's part, or deflecting. Its trying to point out that you, society and the system and the way people are doing all they can to retain the "victim-hood role" just for them.
Your posts make this clear to us, your society supports it. You can change by your own example. Come forward and admit, acknowledge your part. Have a day that supports your part and apology.
We live in a crap society when you can throw all the stones you want. The only thing that matters is when it happens to you.
Again, this is not supporting men or deflecting of any kind. Its pointing out that just maybe, maybe all those claiming a life and society of being a victim are actually playing their very own large part in it and their denial is whats holding us back from actually dealing with this crap.

[Silverstarqueen]

When someone is put in the hospital, or dead, or nearly dead, they are a victim. They are not "claiming victimhood". Yes, verbal abuse and mental abuse certainly are often leading up to that horrible final physical violence which leaves a spouse seriously having to admit that they ARE a victim of serious spousal violence.

No one(not media, not society, not government) is suggesting that all men or even most men are abusing their spouses.
The fact remains that over 80% of the victims of serious, physical, abuse are female (and their children). They are victims, and suggesting they are not victims, or that they are responsible for the violence they endure, is just bashing victims and avoiding placing the blame where it belongs with the perpetrators of the violence, which certainly IS part of the problem.

A few stats related to homicides:
"
• 1 in 20 (5%) of male murder victims are killed by intimate partners.xv
• Between 1980 and 2008, in cases in which the victim/offender relationships were known, 7.1% of men were killed
by an intimate.xvi
• The percentage of males killed by an intimate fell from 10.4% in 1980 to 4.9% in 2008, a 53% drop. "

For homicides in which the victim to offender relationship could be identified, 93 percent of female victims (1,450 out of 1,551) were murdered by a male they knew.
Fourteen times as many females were murdered by a male they knew (1,450 victims) than were killed by male strangers (101 victims)."

[Silverstarqueen]

Women abuse men all of the time, just not physically.

".

Interesting that you should say that, because if anyone claimed that "men abuse women all of the time", there would be a huge outcry (and no one is claiming that).

When women end up in a shelter or hospital, or the morgue, they are not there due to non-physical abuse. No doubt many have experienced non-physical abuse, but really that is not usually when the authorities become involved, because the divorce courts can take care of most relationships where the two people just can't seem to get along.

[TylerM4]

Women abuse men all of the time, just not physically.

".

Interesting that you should say that, because if anyone claimed that "men abuse women all of the time", there would be a huge outcry (and no one is claiming that).

Whoa back down there Miss. I provided clear context. Do the same and there'd be no issue.

Nobody is going to get all up in arms if you say "Men abuse women all the time if you include verbal and emotional abuse". Other than perhaps to say "Same thing could be said about women". We're an abusive society plain and simple. That was the point and everyone here understood - I think you did as well.