Single 30-Somethings....Outcasts Of Society?

[zzontar]

If you think it's bad being single in your 30's, try it in your 40's!

[SpazmoTheMagnificent]

Well Bluestar...I'm not sure if I have much to add that has not already been expressed. It is a hard place when you ruminate about loneliness constantly. Pets help to keep up your spirit, Getting involved does the same...doing things that you enjoy doing, will introduce you to like people, which is good. If you want to get serious about meeting someone, do that...but don't continually focus on being alone. When you feel that way, get out of that situation that makes you feel that way, and do something that is enjoyable to you. One of the best things for me, is being with my wife when she is passionate about what she is doing...thats how I fell in love with her. If you are passionate about something...take the time and do it...someone will recognize this as an attractive quality. I know I did.
If you live in Kelowna however...there are some drawbacks that may be stumbling blocks to what you want. K-town is not the friendliest place. Alot of people are self centered in this town...this may be one of the reasons why you have had poor luck at meeting your mate. Just a thought...but maybe increase the odds, by moving to a place with more people. Mathamatics does work!

[bluestar]

Thank you so much for all the replies....and I have to agree about Vancouver - society and outlook on life down there is so opposite from Kelowna, it's like night and day. I did live down there at one point for a number of years, and have really debated going back. But having ill/aging parents in this area now, makes it that much harder to just pick up and leave since I feel obligated to stay. Feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, and getting really frustrated with it. I feel the need to stay and be there for my parents, yet personally I know I would feel so much more at home (and happier to boot) being back on the coast. Bah!!!! What the heck is a gal to do. Sigh....

[kattwoman2]

Bluestar, I know what you mean. I'm 23, but I live in the Southern part of the U.S. where if you're not married before you reach your early twenties then people feel pity for you. I also have a friend from China who's 24 and her parents say that she's an old maid b/c she wasn't married by the time she was 20. The thing about this kind of thinking is that it's old-school thought. People are living longer lives and it used to be that getting married when you're a teenager or in your 20's was needed, but now I know of people who are in their 30's, 40's and even 50's who are loving it!

Just about every single one of my friends has been married/engaged before they were 21. A few of them have children. Guess how many of them are still with their significant others? NONE!!! Why? Because they rushed into things when they were younger and realized that they were in unhealthy relationships. At first, they felt sorry for me while they were married b/c I was single. I was sad about it at first, but then when I left the South and lived in England where people actually hung out with FRIENDS instead of spending 24/7 with their boyfriends (like they do in the South, many of them will dump their friends for months until they break up with the guy, then come crying back to their friends). I learned that being singe doesn't equal loneliness. Being single = FREEDOM!

While my friends were changing diapers, being cursed out (or hit) by their husbands/fiancees, and spending most of their time at home; I was studying abroad in England, traveling though Paris in April, visiting Montreal during spring break, and watching a Blue Jays home opener game in Toronto (not all at once). You have the upper hand in being single. You can do what you want, when you want, without someone telling you what to do. My friends had to do things from quitting their job b/c of an jealous fiancee not wanting them to leave the house to giving up their graduate school dreams b/c their spouse wanted to attend a lower-tier college. Now, many of these friends have moved on with their lives. The ones who are STILL desperately afraid of being alone are with men or women (men are not immune to love's tricks) who are still treating them like crap. The ones who decided they were going to do what they wanted to do in life are now at their dream graduate schools, living in condos, and they have met even better men or women who treat them with respect.

Getting married isn't bad and I'm not saying that marriage is *bleep*. I'm saying that each situation has it's pros and cons. If you rush into things, then you'll probably end up in a bad relationship. Marriage is a good thing when you are with someone you love, but you have to take their thoughts and feelings into consideration and make many decisions as a couple. Being single can be a bit frustrating when you want someone, but at the same time there's so much freedom with it! I have friends who are in their 40's, have never been married, and they are out having fun and meeting all sorts of single men and women they spend time with. While having ailing parents does complicate things a bit, isn't there any way that you can at least spend an occasional weekend in Vancouver?

Keep your chin up. You will find someone when the time is right. If not, then you still have the ability to do the things you want to do without wondering if it's okay with your spouse if you run off to Toronto for a few weeks or vacation in Cancun. There's always a positive to each situation, and while being single can be hard--especially when all of your friends are married or have kids--in the end you are blessed with the ability to do what you want. After all, I can't tell you how many times my friends have said, "You went to Paris and Barcelona?! I hate you, I wish I could do that but so-and-so won't let me." One of the best things about getting married later on in life is that you know more about yourself, what you want, and you may be one of the few individuals who finds a parter that likes to do similar things or is so confident in themselves that they won't mind if you leave for a few hours to hang out with friends. Just as long as they get to have their game night with the guys, LOL ;) . Or, you may find a partner who is into the same things as you are and you two can enjoy them together!

If you're married, then you're a winner b/c you have a devoted partner (in a good case scenario). If you're single, then you have the freedom to do things, spend money on what you want, and not worry about what anyone else thinks. Either way, you win. So, hang in there and have fun! Don't worry about your married friends, go out there and create your own adventures!

[bluestar]

Thank you for the informative input.....I do get the whole "freedom" thing, and yes you can travel and do all this stuff. I guess for me though, is that I have been independent off an on through most of my 20's, and I feel like I've had my fill of that. I'm just at a point where I'm ready to settle down, but I guess it's not in the cards for me yet as it has been for all my friends. Will they all still be married 10 years down the road? Who knows.

It would be nice to meet more single people out there, just to hang out and spend time with. But Kelowna seems to have next to nil of them. Everything is very family oriented here, so it makes things a lot tougher. Perhaps it's time to move, I will have to figure that one out.

[Fixer 166]

I have a friend who is single. He's 31, 6'2" and about 220lbs of shreaded muscle.
He's in the same boat and ready to settle down. He works hard and plays harder.
Owns his house, a couple of trucks and some fast toys. PM me if your interested.

[RR24K]

I have a friend who is single. He's 31, 6'2" and about 220lbs of shreaded muscle.
He's in the same boat and ready to settle down. He works hard and plays harder.
Owns his house, a couple of trucks and some fast toys. PM me if your interested.

looky here "Fixer166" is taking his/her poster name to the max. Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match

[kgcayenne]

More than anything, do things you really enjoy. There is always the possibility that you will find your match that way.

Kelowna is a funny place, it always helps to look good because you may be up against a lot of silicone and Botox LOL.

[warden]

It would be nice to meet more single people out there, just to hang out and spend time with. But Kelowna seems to have next to nil of them. Everything is very family oriented here, so it makes things a lot tougher. Perhaps it's time to move, I will have to figure that one out.

We're here, we're just busy doing all the things that the marrieds/parents don't have time to do! (Kidding!)

Seriously, though, if you can be comfortable doing stuff by yourself, you'll find you won't be by yourself very long. Go out for coffee, check out a show at the theatre or a concert in the park. There's the new Streaming Cafe downtown that does live music on Friday and Saturday nights. It's pretty much a guarantee that if you head out to do something by yourself you'll end up chatting with at least one other person over the course of your afternoon/evening.

There are other singles out there, you've just got to be willing to put yourself out there to meet them.

[Fixer 166]

Good one roadrunner
Did you think of that all by yourself?
What's with you?

[kattwoman2]

I agree with kcc and warden. Just go out there and do things for fun. You will find someone if you believe you will, but avoid the constantly looking mindset. Men can sometimes detect that and it scares them away. You will find someone, and the friends I have who are much older than me and with their perfect partners said they found their soulmates when they least expected it. I've had friends find their partners through college, work, on trips, at bars (yes, it does happen), etc.

So, go out there and have some fun. You will find that special someone and they are probably looking for you as well. I live in a similar small town where most of the men are taken, gay, or pure stereotypical hillbillies (I hate to say it, but sometimes hillbilly stereotypes are true). So, I plan on moving to a larger city once the economy starts building up again and the job market starts to look a little better. Or, if my upcoming travel book sells well and I become a famous writer

[normaM]

I believe that if you are going to do something do it right - can't get over all the people I know who settled for someone ( like the Mad TV Lower Expectations) Better to be alone than be in a relationship and be lonely.

When the time is right you'll find what you want/need.. until then widen your circle of friends/take a chance and at least have coffee with people of different ages, backgrounds/interests. They might bore your butt off but it's only a coffee meeting or a dinner.

Theres a group of mainly singles I know that have monthly parties, doesn't matter if you are single, married, kids, gay everyone gets together and have a great time. Not one person bitched or yapped on about their kids/partner/job.. it was fun I think I did complain about my haircut HA!

[Queen K]

I have a friend who is single. He's 31, 6'2" and about 220lbs of shreaded muscle.
He's in the same boat and ready to settle down. He works hard and plays harder.
Owns his house, a couple of trucks and some fast toys. PM me if your interested.

looky here "Fixer166" is taking his/her poster name to the max. Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match
:dyinglaughing:

BUMP

I wonder what happened to Bluestar.

And if Bluestar ever PMed Fixer, a fine person in himself who took the dangerous road of matchmaking.

I am also trying my hand at matchmaking and it's making me crazy

"...going off the rails on a crazy train..." is easier.

Anyone ever matchmake only to have it blow up in their face?

[Even Steven]

Some people just don't fit in in societal mold. Who says you have to be married? Who says you have to have a partner? if living by yourself makes you happy, live by yourself, who cares.

[sobrohusfat]

...


but it clearly didn't make her happy cause she saw her self / life as lacking when

everyone around me has been lucky enough to find the right person to settle down with....

8 years later, i wonder how many of those happy "lucky" couples she used as a measure of her own status proved to be nothing but a superficial sham

just sayin' - snapshot comparisons... wait - there must be a meme for that...