Divorce

[O4chrisake]

Divorce, well I certainly never thought it would enter my life it looks more and more like that is where I'm headed. My beautiful bride as I always refer to her is hell bent on ending our marriage without trying to save it in anyway. Job loss, mine, and financial worries seem to be the tipping point and the fact that she is turning into an alcoholic, at first slowly and now rapidly have only increased the speed of it. For years she was on me for my own vice that being marijuana, I rarely drink by choice and have never had a problem with booze I just prefer the buzz that marijuana provides over that of wine, spirits or beer. My vice has been given up not at her urging but on my own accord, it was time. I'm older now and don't feel the need to use as I once did and I feel great about it, certainly no acknowledgement from my wife, shocker but I really didn't do it for her it was for me.The cost of drinking doesn't seem to be an issue but the purse strings are certainly where I'm concerned, unbalanced and poor judgement. For so long I have tried to do everything possible to make her happy. We have traveled extensively together some with our kids to far off places and some without, all have been amazing, own a beautiful home all the canadian dream. Whenever she is hungover which happens more and more frequently I have been the nurse for her doting and trying to make her day as pleasant as can be. Never a word of thanks or appreciation but I continued and continued to do it. Not anymore, she can swill her wine which I believe makes some women have some sort of feeling of sophistication, intelligence and elegance. At the bottom of every bottle is just more misery that deepens as soon as another is opened. Complicating this is the fact that alcoholism runs in her family with both parents being afflicted with the disease but if I were to ever to raise this issue with her that would be the end of us immediately. I know the end is near anyway but I hold on to the hope that we can somehow survive this and be healthy, happy and whole on the other side. Faint hope at best but hope is good. On the advice of my doc he has told me to stop coddling her when she is hungover and leave her to suffer. I have but it's painful to watch her wallow in sickness as I love her too much not to let emotion enter into the picture. She has humiliated me to her friends and to some of my own family, she denies it but she and I both know better. "What's wrong?" she'll ask knowing I'll say nothing because if I do tell her she goes off on some rant justifying whatever she has done and feeling absolutely no sense of responsibility for her own actions. It's so hard but as I say I love her and hate to see her spiraling into the abyss of disease. The friends that she has will fall away, she'll lose her job and our children will likely turn their backs on their once proud mother. Divorce no matter the cause is awful and I don't know that once it happens to us that I will survive it. Thank you for reading

[Queen K]

No, thank you for seeking out a local branch of Ala-Non.

You need it.

Difficult to read btw, but what I got out of it is that the alcoholic controls the whole show. What happens, what you don't say, and how you are squeamish about tough love.

If alcoholism is a disease, then start treating it starting with yourself and how you react to her. If she HAS to hit rock bottom, and I've never believed that, then let her.

And yes, I have quite a bit of experience with heavy drinkers who just can't stop. Best thing I ever did was get out.

[forum]

We've been together for a little over 6 years. We are young, in our 30's. We fight a lot. Smile and make jokes. Ignore each other. Work too much. Kiss. Hug. Laugh and poke fun at each other. We always imagined our lives would be glamorous, better. We tell each other how much we are embarrassed of our family members. We insult each other. We get along. We share things. Get jealous of each other. We look out for one another. She thinks it's funny when I hurt myself. We imagine what life would be like with different lovers. We don't always show that we care, but we do. We fight for our own space. She likes cats, I like dogs. We have two dogs, she still wants a cat but is happy with only the dogs. We have a baby on the way. Now that she's pregnant she eats for two. I drink for two. We have money, but not much. We hurt each other. We make each other feel great. She's the only reason there is a tomorrow. We consider this living, and we're fine with that.

[kgcayenne]

Marriage is a work in progress. (congratulations, by the way. You will drink much more in about 15 years, trust me on that)

[mexi cali]

We've been together for a little over 6 years. We are young, in our 30's. We fight a lot. Smile and make jokes. Ignore each other. Work too much. Kiss. Hug. Laugh and poke fun at each other. We always imagined our lives would be glamorous, better. We tell each other how much we are embarrassed of our family members. We insult each other. We get along. We share things. Get jealous of each other. We look out for one another. She thinks it's funny when I hurt myself. We imagine what life would be like with different lovers. We don't always show that we care, but we do. We fight for our own space. She likes cats, I like dogs. We have two dogs, she still wants a cat but is happy with only the dogs. We have a baby on the way. Now that she's pregnant she eats for two. I drink for two. We have money, but not much. We hurt each other. We make each other feel great. She's the only reason there is a tomorrow. We consider this living, and we're fine with that.

Congratulations. You have a healthy relationship.

[doubleS]

Basically in a nutshell..it's easier to get a divorce than to solve a problem. (I didn't read all of the comments about it)