Anyone feeling 'the pinch'...

[Hmmm]

[few times, but a lot of the comments here clearly show people (well, most here - not Steven and some others) don't even bother to think rationally about situations that don't fit into their pre-conceived views about life. Someone who isn't making more than minimum wage = slacker with no ambition who needs to be given lines from a self-help book. Some adult living at home = moocher with no life plan.

Some great advice I received years ago was in the form of a question: "Why do you have to live your life exactly the way others do?" I don't. I went the traditional university path and now live at home while paying my own bills. There is no mooching, parental bank accounts are not being drained, and no one is being taken advantage of. I don't feel bad about the situation, so why do others see it as such a bad thing?

Somehow I think you're thinking of my comments in your thoughts, but if you read through them, I've never said anything about living at home and sharing, helping older parents out. I've only responded to repeated posts about how bad kelowna is and how that even if someone did everything right, they still can't make much more the minimum wage, which of course is a complete self fulfilling prophecy, I'm trying my best to help change. If I can help change that negative thought pattern then those who Had it, will actually be happier and more productive in life. Is that so wrong?

[Ford4x4Truck]

Somehow I think you're thinking of my comments in your thoughts, but if you read through them, I've never said anything about living at home and sharing, helping older parents out. I've only responded to repeated posts about how bad kelowna is and how that even if someone did everything right, they still can't make much more the minimum wage, which of course is a complete self fulfilling prophecy, I'm trying my best to help change. If I can help change that negative thought pattern then those who Had it, will actually be happier and more productive in life. Is that so wrong?

You said the only reason you can think of for people not being able to make more than minimum wage is that they're druggies and drunks in a comment that has since been modded.

I'll let you figure out for yourself if that's wrong or not.

[Hmmm]

^^^thats what you THOUGHT I said. I never said that. I mentioned that, that is one reason why. You're so full of excuses and blame you don't even see it when people try to help YOU but instead constantly look to blame others. I'm done. Best to you, that is if some give it to you.

[Ford4x4Truck]

^^^thats what you THOUGHT I said. I never said that. I mentioned that, that is one reason why. You're so full of excuses and blame you don't even see it when people try to help YOU but instead constantly look to blame others. I'm done. Best to you, that is if some give it to you.

What exactly is the difference between saying something and mentioning something?

I'm not trying to make excuses and never asked for help in the first place. I'm just confused how you think you're helping by making presumptuous lists and assuming people are drunks and drug addicts. And then when people question you, you claim they have attitude problems and don''t even deserve to make minimum wage.

Anyone who thinks one list of advice is a be-all-end-all bible to success for absolutely every single person in NA is not thinking rationally.

[W105]

I think anybody who gets so offended by another person's comments on a public forum and keeps going on and on about it, might have a problem too (??)

[Barney Google]

Except that it has already been established that many of these situations are mutually beneficial and the 2 people living at home in this thread are not mooching at all.

It has 'already been established'?
Wow...I didn't get that.
Maybe I missed the boat on the establishment part that "many of these situations are mutually beneficial".
I'm getting the message from this thread that maybe a few of these 'arrangements' might be mutually beneficial but I sure don't think MANY of them are. In fact, I think MOST of these 'arrangements' are not mutually beneficial.
4x4 and The Boss have shared that in their specific situations they are not 'mooching' and it is mutually beneficial.
That being 'established', I think there might be quite a few others out there in similar situations who feel the same way but in actuality they are in fact 'mooching' and their parents are feeling pinched by them...they just haven't noticed it.

[W105]

I didn't get the "established thing" either Barney ???

hell I have 50+ yr old friends who feel their parents owe them something and have no remorse for asking (sometimes demanding) their help...and I also see those friends living way past their means and not giving a damn about maintaining their own lifestyle and maybe learning to live within their "means" or better themselves...

and btw, we had our parents and in laws move in with us when they were aging and needed help, we did it happily and we believe it was the right thing to do...we were also happy that we could honor their wishes by doing something that they really wanted, to pass away at home instead of hospice or palliative care...(and yes that's a very big honor )

[kgcayenne]

It is very important to differentiate between the two types of scenario. I too have seen both, and unfortunately, they may often look the same on the surface if one doesn't know the family well enough to know better.

[Hmmm]

What exactly is the difference between saying something and mentioning something?

You're asking the wrong question. Saying something or mentioning is the same thing. I have no idea why you can't seem to understand that one isn't accusing someone of being high or drunk all day just because they asked IF that was the reason for not making anything of oneself. I NEVER SAID IT WAS the reason, but IF, it was, as in a question. The answer is either a yes or a no and assumes no answer from the one questioning (me).

Example; 1st person; How was your day? 2nd; Not bad, I got hurt riding my bike and hit my head. 1st person; Were you wearing your helmet? 2nd; yes, thank goodness.

So you see? Just because the 1st person asked, doesn't mean they assumed they weren't wearing the helmet. Same thing my question about drugs.

And yes you did need the story to get the point, because I've been saying the same thing over and over and you still accuse me.

[LoneWolf_53]

All I've have left to say 4X4 is that I find you to be a tad touchy on this subject, and are for some reason taking statements that are general, as a personal affront.

If you're paying your own way while living with your parents, then good on you.

I don't think anyone questions that there are two sides to the story, however the thread is about feeling the pinch, and just from my own observations I've seen far too many examples of adult children living at home, and acting as though they were some sort of royalty with nary a care in the world.

It's the ones that are mooching, as in living rent free, not paying for utilities or food, and to add insult to injury, aren't even helping with the extra work associated with their presence, such as laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, etc., that are in the cross hairs here.

Living under the same roof is one thing, but exploiting it as many these days are prone to do, is quite another.

Once a person becomes an adult, and is no longer attending school, the parent's job is essentially done, with the exception of special needs situations. They certainly don't "owe", and in many cases can't afford, to shelter, clothe, and feed, an adult that has no motivation to get out on their own.

The example of Asians that someone brought up prior, is a good one to demonstrate how multi generations can successfully cohabitate, but let's not leave out the part where they are also extremely hard working people, and everyone contributes to the success of the whole.

Mooching and working together are two totally different beasts.

[Donald G]

To Lone Wolf ...

Its too bad that Canadian macro society does not work the same as you say that Asian generational families do; " everyone contributes to the success of the whole ". There is too much "entitled deadwood" in our society for that to work. In addition too much emphasis on short term rewards rather than long term objectives.

[Barney Google]

To Lone Wolf ...

Its too bad that Canadian macro society does not work the same as you say that Asian generational families do; " everyone contributes to the success of the whole ". There is too much "entitled deadwood" in our society for that to work. In addition too much emphasis on short term rewards rather than long term objectives.

Wise and insightful words from both of you Donald and Lone Wolf. The 'Family Unit' from past generations has sadly been lost. One can only hope, in time, that some how it can be restored to a balanced unit that rebuilds strength within the Family and in turn within our society.

[Captain Awesome]

I personally do not think living at home while an adult is wrong. In most cultures it is appreciated and seen as loyalty to the family. People in Vancouver always make fun of Eastern cultures whose parents along with their grown children build massive houses to accommodate all of them, including the grandchildren.

Huge difference is the fact that in those cultures kids live with their parents not because they can't make it on their own, but because they take over as primary earners and help their parents. They don't beg for parents money nor do they let their parents handle all expenses for them. They support their parents. In our case we have kids living at home who cost their parents money, and rob them of comfortable living.

I'm planning on inviting my mom to live with us when she's no longer able to work. It doesn't mean me and my wife are moving in with my mom so she pay for our bills and feed us.

[Ford4x4Truck]

All I've have left to say 4X4 is that I find you to be a tad touchy on this subject, and are for some reason taking statements that are general, as a personal affront.

I took what you said as a personal affront because you directly quoted me and and made some comment about leeching. It made it look like you were implying something about me.

If the statements are general, it'd be nice if the person actually stated as such - and some people here have already done that.

I can't discredit your observations as they're yours, but we're clearly observing different people. I know quite a few living at home who are not mooching but this has already been talked about.

[Jo]

^^^^ This kind of conversation would be best done via PM.