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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Nov 18th, 2018, 9:52 pm
by kgcayenne
It should be more legally-demanding to marry than to divorce.

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Nov 18th, 2018, 10:38 pm
by MAPearce
Nepal makes a good point that's reinforced by the study the OP posted. They found that conflict between divorced parents has a more negative impact on a child's ability to adjust to thier parents splitting up, than the divorce itself.


I agree ...

I have to opint out that the study cited is horribly outdated.


That doesn't matter ...

I am the "interloper" in a blended family . Yeah , I'm stepdad ...

Since the beginning , I've always make it clear to the kids that I am Mike , not dad and that I am here because I love mom AND them . I also made it clear to the kids that I would NEVER want to replace dad and that THEIR rights to their father mean more to me than his right to them . That THEY deserve time with dad not and not that dad deserves time with them ..

Now that the ugliness of the "divorce " has settled , our kids are MORE than alright , they're flourishing..

And guess what ?? I get to be the "go to guy " now !

" Baby Girl " came to me for advice on having a boy friend first .

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Nov 18th, 2018, 11:07 pm
by nepal
Silverstarqueen wrote:Five times likelier than whom? children whose parents stayed together while one alcoholic parent beats up the other one?
Sometimes divorce is better for all. No one else knows what goes on behind closed doors.

I agree that there are circumstances that divorce is the appropriate solution, such as real abuse. There are however many spouses trading in their former spouse just because of whatever, then they say it’s best for the kids.
When couples have kids, life’s not about the couple anymore, but is about the kids.

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Nov 18th, 2018, 11:20 pm
by MAPearce
When it comes to a broken home , It's better to be from one than to be in one ..

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Nov 19th, 2018, 3:01 am
by Silverstarqueen
nepal wrote:
Silverstarqueen wrote:Five times likelier than whom? children whose parents stayed together while one alcoholic parent beats up the other one?
Sometimes divorce is better for all. No one else knows what goes on behind closed doors.

I agree that there are circumstances that divorce is the appropriate solution, such as real abuse. There are however many spouses trading in their former spouse just because of whatever, then they say it’s best for the kids.
When couples have kids, life’s not about the couple anymore, but is about the kids.


A large percentage (on the pie chart) are "infidelity" "money issues" and "incompatibility". These sound pretty minor until you realize they don't happen unless there is a serious break in the relationship. People aren't divorcing because someone forgot to take out the garbage. Someone having sex outside the marriage is "real abuse". Someone drinking or gambling or spending away the grocery and rent money is "real abuse". Someone arguing and shouting, insulting, instead of working out differences is "real abuse". Often alcohol or drug use makes a relationship "incompatible". So either people shape up, or ship out.

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Nov 19th, 2018, 8:29 am
by nepal
Silverstarqueen wrote:So either people shape up, or ship out.

Bingo! Adults need to get serious about life when they have kids, and if they haven’t, they better start.

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Nov 21st, 2018, 5:08 pm
by Glacier
nepal wrote:Children of divorced families often suffer bad marks at school and alienation/humiliation by their peers. All while their narcissistic parents (or parent) are saying how divorce is best them and for the children.

That first chart is quite interesting.

The conclusion is this: The best thing is to have intact married parents. The absolute worst - worse than being raised by a single parent or a stepparent of any kind - is to have your parents co-habitating.

So the worst thing you can do is to be a chicken- :cuss: coward and not marry the mother of your children.

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Dec 12th, 2018, 11:51 pm
by nepal
“Divorce is one of the most difficult tribulations a family can go through, but unless you’ve experienced it first-hand, it’s hard to visualize exactly how much damage it causes. An artist known only by the pen-name ‘Mac’ has illustrated how divorce affected their family in a simple, yet deeply saddening comic, and it’s guaranteed to give you all the feels you never asked for today.”

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Dec 25th, 2018, 8:33 pm
by greece88
My wife and I stayed together "for the kids " . Mistake , big mistake . My wife and I fell out of love with each other . Her interests were different then mine . She ended up having an affair followed by another affair with guys she met through her road biking world. I stuck it out for the kids. What happened over the next 4 years was alot of anger and resentment which did affect the kids . It wasn't till I started seeing someone did we do something about it . When we did speak to the kids they were like " well you don't love each other so ok ." After our split my kids have asked me questions about why and how come mom and I split up . I've been honest and said because your mother and I stopped loving each other and what we did was in everyone's best interests . Our interests changed . They get it ..
Never once did my love for my kids wane . They are now free to come and go as they please and spend the majority of their time with my partner and I. It did my kids absolutely no good when we decided to stay together . I should have left her in 2011 not 2015 . Strong supportive parents is key . Parents who never once flinch in the love and devotion towards their kids helps to .

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Dec 26th, 2018, 10:51 am
by nepal
Some good examples of narcissistic parents and typical divorce Best For The Kids mind set. Maybe some will see the damage they’ve caused later in life. The cause of the divorce is what should be avoided, especially when parents initiate the responsibility of having kids. Also, second time round is often far more complicated for all affected. We’re not trading-in out of style cars here. We only live once, so do a good job of it the first time.

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Dec 26th, 2018, 11:19 am
by GordonH
It appears some would rather see married couples stay together just for the kids, even though the parents are unhappy/miserable together. 
Kids may be young, they are not blind to fact there parents are not happy together. impo all that does is make a bunch of unhappy & unhealthy kids, that will become adults (& continue that cycle).

Then there are abusive spouses (be it physical or verbal), unfortunately that doesn't necessarily show its ugly head until after the I do's & kids come along.

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Dec 26th, 2018, 11:50 am
by nepal
Either disfunctional together, or divorced, the damage is done either way. The question sometimes comes down to which outcome is worse than the other. They’re both bad outcomes, unless people are able to change in time to get back on track. Every situation, severity and solution is different.

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Dec 27th, 2018, 9:34 am
by liisgo
Our system, is not doing anything to help in regards to this. The system has not been changed or adapted to help give the best possible chance for these children and broken families. Report of the Special Joint Committee on Child Custody and Access 1998. A report paid for by the federal government to deal with issue's. That report done by Senator Ann Cools, showed what needed to be changed, where damage is being done, and the great court system did not follow 1 recommendation. Why?
The court system and parents knowledge of it, builds nothing more than an power struggling environment between parents long before the divorce proceedings start. It itself sets the stage for fighting and control. Everyone of us knows someone that has dealt with horrible fighting, struggling between parents with in this system, due to the system itself.
The system has not been changed because of nothing more than stereo typical gender, old fashion, outdated assumptions on who and what today's parenting roles are.

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Feb 25th, 2019, 7:23 pm
by nepal
This song sums it up for some kids situations. ‘You picked a fine time the leave me Lucille’

Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

PostPosted: Feb 25th, 2019, 7:41 pm
by GordonH
nepal wrote:This song sums it up for some kids situations. ‘You picked a fine time the leave me Lucille’


So in spousal abuse (from either one), the one being abused is just to grin and bear it.... for the children.