Castanet

If you are a male who's ever been sexually harassed or assaulted by a women please post "Men Too" below.

I've been harassed, objectified, and even assaulted on multiple occasions. I've had women make inappropriate and unwanted advances/comments, I've had my *bleep* grabbed unexpectedly by a stranger, I learnt to "bend at the knees" when picking up the free weights at the gym even with jello legs on legs day because of the actions/comments being made by women. I'm an average looking dude who has always dressed and acted conservatively and I really doubt I'm the only one who has experienced this.

If everyone who's been impacted by this behavior would speak up, I think it'd help society to understand the true scope of the problem. To help understand it's not just a problem with men but a problem with our society in general. Tho I think everyone will agree that women experience this much more often than men.

#MenToo

This isn’t a great idea.

The problem is so much worse for women and the impact is much greater. To start this now would detract attention away from the issues women are facing. There aren’t very many men being affected on the same level as what women face. You might be that one guy, but I don’t think very many men (including myself) truly understand the scope and impact of the problem.

Suggesting this hashtag, at this time, most definitely tells us that you might be a bit insensitive to how big this issue is.

I think it's the perfect time. Already there are men who are gaining some encouragement to share their stories because of women who are doing it. There is no bad time for men or women to raise awareness, seek support, (if they are ready and willing), it's never too late or too early. The more people realize that it's not just a one gendre problem, that it isn't the short skirts or the cleavage that causes abuse, it's the abuser and those in a position of power who do nothing, say nothing, to support the less powerful victims of abuse.

Jonrox wrote:This isn’t a great idea.

The problem is so much worse for women and the impact is much greater. To start this now would detract attention away from the issues women are facing. There aren’t very many men being affected on the same level as what women face. You might be that one guy, but I don’t think very many men (including myself) truly understand the scope and impact of the problem.

Suggesting this hashtag, at this time, most definitely tells us that you might be a bit insensitive to how big this issue is.

While I certainly agree that this is a much bigger problem for women, I don't think you understand the point of the thread.

The point is that many women (not all) are looking at men to fix the problem. The problem isn't just men, it's our society in general. It's a society in which many people including women believe this type of behavior is OK. To truly stop a problem you need to engage all stakeholders including women. Men aren't going to change if they see women doing it.

Men should change even if they see women doing it. I’m guessing most of the men who behave this way aren’t the same ones who were treated similarly. It’s a huge cop out if they try to use that excuse.

Jonrox wrote:Men should change even if they see women doing it. I’m guessing most of the men who behave this way aren’t the same ones who were treated similarly. It’s a huge cop out if they try to use that excuse.

Nobody should do it regardless. You think that men who do these things go through a thought process before doing it? "I got cat-called by a women last week so it's OK if I do it back to this other person"? Society's rules are ingrained, they are taught and built into your psyche. They become who you are and reaction - not as simple as a decision.

Here's an example of the issue:
I've seen multiple statements/lists published that include some something like "Men, if one of your friends does this confront them about it. Tell them it's not acceptable, etc." And while I agree, why is this targeted to men? Why can't a women call them out? Why can't a mother teach this to her son instead of just the father. Long story short - the actions (or inaction) of some women are also partially to blame for this problem and if those women also contributed to the cause then we'd see better results toward change.

Long story short - to effectively fix a problem you need to fully understand a problem. I don't believe many people truly understand this problem. They believe it's a problem with men only. If they keep thinking that way they won't be nearly as effective at resolving the problem.

It isn't a problem of men only doing it, and actually I have not often seen that claim. Even women on TV, who are the most visible are saying that men are also molested and taken advantage of. It is a problem of those in a position of power, who use that power to gains sexual favors, or flat out assault someone else, knowing they will not be caught. They are very careful and deliberate about it, yes they do plan it in advance. It is also a problem of those around the abuser, who are in a position of power who can say something to the abuser, but often don't.
AS a mother, my sons learned respect for women, mostly from the way my husband behaved (I believe_), because neither of us gave our sons explicit instructions on how to behave, they just respect others and don't act like predators with respect to others. Because the parents are in a position of power (over their children), and the children learn from that how to treat women (and men). I gave our kids probably more explicite instruction about how to handle bullying and physical abuse from others (usually they were boys) because that occurs in plain sight in schools and playgrounds, so they need help with that when they are young.
Now if someone grew up with abuse, physical or sexual, they will have a harder time learning not to use it on others, because it's all they know. But they can still learn a different way if they stop and look at their behavior, and or get counselling, are told by their peers , maybe see a pastor if they are in a church. Naturally if it was a church member who abused them, that might not be the best support environment. Predictably alter boys who are abused by the priest, feel they have no where to turn, no where to report, because the abuser is in a position of power in the church community. Same problem with sports coaches, Scout leaders, employers, teachers, sexual predators are in many positions of respect or power in the community.

Jonrox wrote:This isn’t a great idea.

The problem is so much worse for women and the impact is much greater. To start this now would detract attention away from the issues women are facing. There aren’t very many men being affected on the same level as what women face. You might be that one guy, but I don’t think very many men (including myself) truly understand the scope and impact of the problem.

Suggesting this hashtag, at this time, most definitely tells us that you might be a bit insensitive to how big this issue is.

I think we shouldn't be minimizing the impact for any gender. While I agree that women most likely carry the brunt of sexual harmlessness and assault, transgender is most likely the highest percentage of people who face this.

Personally I am OK with the #mentoo. It gives power to those victims who never spoke up. Empowering all genders will help hopefully make changes so needed in our culture and society.

I’m not arguing that men don’t face this issue as well. I just disagree with the timing of #mentoo. It would take attention away from the #metoo movement if it were to happen right now.

It’s fine if some men want to talk about their experiences, but trying to create an entire movement right now is ill timed.

Jonrox wrote:This isn’t a great idea.

The problem is so much worse for women and the impact is much greater. To start this now would detract attention away from the issues women are facing. There aren’t very many men being affected on the same level as what women face. You might be that one guy, but I don’t think very many men (including myself) truly understand the scope and impact of the problem.

Suggesting this hashtag, at this time, most definitely tells us that you might be a bit insensitive to how big this issue is.

Go see my last post on the me too thingy ....

You provide an excellent example of how society isn't ready ...

Jonrox wrote:This isn’t a great idea.

The problem is so much worse for women and the impact is much greater. To start this now would detract attention away from the issues women are facing. There aren’t very many men being affected on the same level as what women face. You might be that one guy, but I don’t think very many men (including myself) truly understand the scope and impact of the problem.

Suggesting this hashtag, at this time, most definitely tells us that you might be a bit insensitive to how big this issue is.

So the issue of men being harassed is not as important as the issue of women being harassed.

Abuse is abuse regardless of which gender insinuates it and should be dealt with on a very level playing field. This constant debate that women's issues are more important than men's issues is half the problem.

Abuse awareness needs to be openly discussed and resolved no matter what sex or gender.

It’s important but it’s a much smaller issue... so yeah I guess it’s not as important since it affects far fewer people.

As with most issues, I think the ones that affect huge numbers of people are more important than ones that only affect a few people. This is really dumbing down what can be complicated issues though and of course there are exceptions.

Jonrox wrote:It’s important but it’s a much smaller issue... so yeah I guess it’s not as important since it affects far fewer people.

As with most issues, I think the ones that affect huge numbers of people are more important than ones that only affect a few people.

Its the same issue - how many people effects is irrelevant - abuse is not gender specific. Anyone who is abused should have the same support and open forum discussion as anyone else - regardless of gender or sex.

It’s a completely different issue. To say it’s not really trivializes the issues women are facing. There are very few men being violently assaulted and raped compared to the number of women. Although abuse of any kind shouldn’t be tolerated, all abuse is not created equal.

The guy in this thread who had some comments directed his way at the gym had a much different experience than a woman who was hunted, drugged, and raped. Both are wrong, but one is much more serious than the other.