How do you protect yourself?

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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby JayByrd » Nov 21st, 2017, 6:43 pm

The OP wasn't just asking about social media/facebook though.

I'm married, and there are occasions where I'm in a social setting with a member of the opposite sex. My work also brings me into contact with women, in settings where it's just the two of us (my workplace is never staffed with more than two people).
Just this week, my young son and his friend met up at an indoor play place. I, and my son's friend's mother, sat together the entire time and chatted. While this wasn't inappropriate of itself, I'm always aware of how it can appear.

So how do I protect myself.

I make sure any woman I'm with in these settings knows I'm married. Casually bringing up my wife and son in conversation does the trick. I feel this reduces any temptation that might exist for either one of us.

If I do find myself alone with a woman, particularly in a social setting, I make sure my wife knows about it. I don't mean that I run to her and confess, but she will never be left wondering why I never mentioned that I was hanging out with so-and-so. I will always mention it.

I check my attitudes and behaviour. I hold off on anything I might say, even in jest, that could be taken as flirtatious or sexual.

I should also point out that my wife is not suspicious or distrustful of me. I'm above board on these things because it seems like the right thing to do, not because she demands it.
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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby Queen K » Nov 21st, 2017, 7:21 pm

Perfect! And yes, I understand how things can "appear" believe me.
Could it be that a whole life can shift the day one starts telling the truth about what makes one happy?

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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby TreeGuy » Nov 21st, 2017, 7:23 pm

JayByrd wrote:The OP wasn't just asking about social media/facebook though.

I'm married, and there are occasions where I'm in a social setting with a member of the opposite sex. My work also brings me into contact with women, in settings where it's just the two of us (my workplace is never staffed with more than two people).
Just this week, my young son and his friend met up at an indoor play place. I, and my son's friend's mother, sat together the entire time and chatted. While this wasn't inappropriate of itself, I'm always aware of how it can appear.

So how do I protect myself.

I make sure any woman I'm with in these settings knows I'm married. Casually bringing up my wife and son in conversation does the trick. I feel this reduces any temptation that might exist for either one of us.

If I do find myself alone with a woman, particularly in a social setting, I make sure my wife knows about it. I don't mean that I run to her and confess, but she will never be left wondering why I never mentioned that I was hanging out with so-and-so. I will always mention it.

I check my attitudes and behaviour. I hold off on anything I might say, even in jest, that could be taken as flirtatious or sexual.

I should also point out that my wife is not suspicious or distrustful of me. I'm above board on these things because it seems like the right thing to do, not because she demands it.


:up: 10/10

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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby Queen K » Oct 2nd, 2018, 1:05 pm

BUMP


OKAY! Oddly enough, Trump is right about this one.


https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-45722404


How do you men plan to protect yourselves from FALSE allegations?

This is a very serious issue in our days and times of sexual mores run amok, when something you did 30 years ago can possibly derail your career, or your very life.
Could it be that a whole life can shift the day one starts telling the truth about what makes one happy?

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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby Ka-El » Oct 2nd, 2018, 1:11 pm

Queen K wrote: How do you men plan to protect yourselves from FALSE allegations?

By cooperating fully with any investigation (assuming the allegations are false).
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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby kgcayenne » Oct 2nd, 2018, 1:13 pm

Choose one's associates wisely. For example, if you hang out with frat boys, you either are a frat boy, or you will be subject to whatever frat boys do. It's been established for decades that fraternities and sororities get into a lot of messed-up stuff that can and will be held against you at the worst possible time. I recall a guy I went to school with trying to ask me out at (lol) Gotcha's back in the 90s, my response: "You were an &^&#%* in school, and I have no reason to believe anything will have changed. Go away."

Socially selective is what I like to call it.
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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby Leifer » Oct 2nd, 2018, 1:31 pm

Sad state of affairs when you can't just sit down and shoot the crap with the opposite sex without worrying about being falsely accused of some horrendous sexual assault.

Being a hockey parent...I travel to tourneys with my son all the time. Sometimes my wife can't travel and it is just me and the boy hanging out with a bunch of hockey moms (and dads).

Simple unspoken "adult" rules.

-Don't drink too excess.
-Don't smoke up/pill pop/whatever.
-Don't hangout in other peoples hotel rooms.
-Stay outa the hot tub! :D

I could go on....but this is all really basic stuff that any adult should know.
It is really not that hard to avoid putting yourself into a position where a false accusation could destroy your marriage/career/reputation.
Two essential strategies for success.

1) Never reveal all you know
2)

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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby Ka-El » Oct 2nd, 2018, 1:43 pm

Leifer wrote: Sad state of affairs when you can't just sit down and shoot the crap with the opposite sex without worrying about being falsely accused of some horrendous sexual assault.

I don't really think too many of us actually lose too much sleep over this prospect. You treat people with respect and they tend to treat you with respect as well. I could go on....but this is all really basic stuff that any adult should know.

Leifer wrote: Simple unspoken "adult" rules.

-Don't drink too excess.
-Don't smoke up/pill pop/whatever.
-Don't hangout in other peoples hotel rooms.
-Stay outa the hot tub! :D

I've been to the "odd" work conference. Good advice :up:
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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby OKkayak » Oct 2nd, 2018, 4:14 pm

Queen K wrote:I had an eye exam yesterday.
The part where touching the back of my head and adjusting my eyes to the lens is out in the complete open.
The man conducting the exam asked if can adjust my head to the specifications of the lens before he did so.
The next part of the exam is in a room with a door but it has a huge glass window and was never closed.
I never noticed these details before but I did this time and all if it makes complete sense.
For the protection of everybody.

If we've truly come to the point where a doctor has to ask your permission to adjust your head for an eye exam to protect himself for potential allegations of some bizarre misconduct, then we have truly hit a low point and it won't be long until we've hit rock bottom as a civilized society.
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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby GordonH » Oct 2nd, 2018, 4:19 pm

For part of my protection, just read my signature.
When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you.

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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby t76turbo » Oct 2nd, 2018, 6:33 pm

I’m a landlord and do property management. When doing showings and potential tenant interviews I usually bring along my partner. When serving papers I’m actually required to have a witness accompany me. I’m a male and won’t even enter a females suite for any reason without someone else being around. Wouldn’t be a he first time a tenant offered a drink, I always decline!

Quite a few years ago I was installing new windows at a residence when the female customer/homeowner invited me in for a nice home cooked lunch, without really thinking I accepted. Midway through lunch her husband came home unexpectedly. Man did I feel like a fish out of water. I could sense his displeasure of some other dude having lunch and wine with his wife. She probably never cooked for him, lol.
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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby MAPearce » Oct 2nd, 2018, 6:35 pm

Leifer wrote:Sad state of affairs when you can't just sit down and shoot the crap with the opposite sex without worrying about being falsely accused of some horrendous sexual assault.

Being a hockey parent...I travel to tourneys with my son all the time. Sometimes my wife can't travel and it is just me and the boy hanging out with a bunch of hockey moms (and dads).

Simple unspoken "adult" rules.

-Don't drink too excess.
-Don't smoke up/pill pop/whatever.
-Don't hangout in other peoples hotel rooms.
-Stay outa the hot tub! :D

I could go on....but this is all really basic stuff that any adult should know.
It is really not that hard to avoid putting yourself into a position where a false accusation could destroy your marriage/career/reputation.


Hockey parent also .... The unspoken adult rules are indeed vitally important.

But if she can't go , or I can't go WE don't go PERIOD . Boy and sister included ..

In short , for that stuff , we believe and practice safety in numbers .

And the rest , well .. All I can say is " when you lay with dog , you rise with flea"..
I payed attention in High school....But not to what they were trying to teach me..

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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby Silverstarqueen » Oct 3rd, 2018, 5:24 am

OKkayak wrote:
Queen K wrote:I had an eye exam yesterday.
The part where touching the back of my head and adjusting my eyes to the lens is out in the complete open.
The man conducting the exam asked if can adjust my head to the specifications of the lens before he did so.
The next part of the exam is in a room with a door but it has a huge glass window and was never closed.
I never noticed these details before but I did this time and all if it makes complete sense.
For the protection of everybody.

If we've truly come to the point where a doctor has to ask your permission to adjust your head for an eye exam to protect himself for potential allegations of some bizarre misconduct, then we have truly hit a low point and it won't be long until we've hit rock bottom as a civilized society.


It is common courtesy, and good practice for a doctor to communicate with a patient before touching them. The doctor doesn't know if they are dealing with a person with a history of suffering physical or sexual abuse and needs to be considerate of that. My dentist will explain what he is going to do in my mouth. My doctor might ask if I want another person present during a pelvic exam. This is all part of consenting to touch or treatment. This is what a civilized society does. It shows respect for the patient.
We should also be teaching our children, that no one should be touching them without their consent and they can always say no if they don't feel comfortable with someone's touch.

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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby Grandan » Oct 3rd, 2018, 7:54 am

Young girl goes out with young man, does not put on seatbelt and ends up as a quad or dead.
If young people continue to refuse to use seat belts, how are you going to convince them that they cannot handle a persistent male aggressor?
I would have been more concerned that my daughters were getting into a car with an idiot who drives too fast than one who is very persistent, at least they can fight back, you can't do much once a car is at speed.
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Re: How do you protect yourself?

Postby Queen K » Oct 3rd, 2018, 10:23 am

Is this the truth?

Image

Or is what the Saudi's believe is true? That the true war has to be against FEMALE behavior? Dress codes, make up, body language, attendance in certain venues, and most of all, needing chaperones?
Could it be that a whole life can shift the day one starts telling the truth about what makes one happy?

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