Why do women keep going back to abusive relationships?

[davis123]

I think most are forgetting that abuse does not start overnight, you could have the most wonderful relationship for years before abuse rears its ugly head. After years have gone by the love is obviously strong, there may be kids, one might have got into alcohol or drugs which changes their personality over time.

For the people that stay I would put money on the fact that the abuse did not start immediately, it slowly crept its way into their life, slowly deteriorating the victims worth and soul. Abuse is crazy making. It makes you doubt EVERY SINGLE thing you do. The sparkle fades from your eyes and you are feel dead inside, or you wish you were dead. You think about leaving but that means leaving the person you love incredibly, if only they would change. You live your life on hope - hoping he'll stop acting that way, hope he'll stop drinking, hope you'll not *bleep* him off tonight, hope you put the dishes in the dishwasher properly, hope the kids don't upset him...it never ends.

I'm describing verbal abuse, for anyone on here that has stated physical abuse is 'worse' than verbal/mental abuse you are SO incredibly wrong, all abuse is just that, abuse. Do not downplay the impact continuous verbal/mental abuse has on a person, it destroys their mind/heart/soul - and quite commonly turns to physical abuse later on.

I stayed for over 20 years, what pushed me over to leave? My daughter and I went to the library and she handed me a book and said get this, it was "The Verbally Abusive Man - Can He Change?: A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go"
https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/bo ... dAQAvD_BwE

That book hit me like a brick to the head, I knew he was insane after reading that book. Our last fight he admitted to trying to make me suffer for years. How cruel can a person be to think like that.

For the record, I am one of the strongest people you will ever meet, but I let him take that away from me for quite a long time. I've been away from him for years now and omg lol, I can't even imagine living that way ever again, the sparkle is back in my eyes and I appreciate every day.

[davis123]

just a little extra tidbit :)

About a year after I left him, I wrote Patricia Evans, the author of that book, and let her know what kind of impact her book had on my life as I thought she deserved a giant thank you for helping me that way. A week later I received an incredible long letter from her, so thoughtful of her! Buy that book for anyone you know who is being verbally/mentally abused and ask them to read it twice.