Do men want their wife to "Stay at Home"?

[Poindexter]

A happy wife means a happy life

Sadly that's even more true when they become ex-wives.

[Queen K]

I find that for a very little effort there is greater harmony.

A happy wife means a happy life

[Smurf]

Except for a couple of years after our first child was born my wife was a stay at home mother. It was a mutual agreement and if anyone was to ask either one of us we say it was an excellent decision. We feel to this day that it was extremely beneficial to the kids and that was the most important thing. It allowed me to work a second job if necessary and later on it allowed me to work excellent jobs that required travel and time away. I have to admit I was happy to have her stay home and look after the kids, probably promoted it, but she also wanted to. She went back to work for a few years after the youngest went to high school and then when everyone moved out she asked me to quit work so I could be home with her and we have been enjoying life ever since.

From our experience I (we) would recommend it to anyone as we both feel it was extremely valuable for the kids. We had any number of kids whose parents both worked that practically lived at or place just to get some structure in their life. Many of them have kept in contact with us to this day and even that is a great feeling that we might have helped them along the way. Our kids have all followed us and settled in BC so it has worked well for all.

[JLives]

Ok. Doesn't really matter though. Women will decide for themselves if they'd rather work or stay home.

[Queen K]

True that.

But it's not really what I'm asking. I'm asking if men feel guilty about wanting their wife to stay home, regardless.

[foodsmith]

Why would men feel guilty about "wanting" their wife to stay home?

Forcing? Now that warrants guilt... But a want or desire is just a want or desire, and nothing more.

My Partner-in-Crime works from home, hangs with the kids, and drives to/picks up from school, but our youngest still heads to daycare three days a week. Why? Those are work/sanity days. The housework is always -- and has always been -- divided between everyone evenly. We are admittedly, and perhaps surprisingly, a pretty 'nuclear' family by default; there are definitely blue and pink jobs here, but nothing that no one does not do. Parents both head to the bush with kids in tow to fell trees and split wood. We both cook, clean, launder, iron, vacuum, etc.

What the Father of the house "wants" is irrelevant at the end of the day... Why? Because what's important is that what needs to be done gets done because we are a family, and families take care of each other.

We live in a system... a feedback loop. You get out what you put in, and that is that.

As a peesonal aside, the poll is rather... well, outdated. Just sayin'.

[Queen K]

Foodsmith, did you bother to click on the link I provided in my first post?

You'd see that there is a trend amongst millenials that men want their wives to stay at home and gasp, look after him and house and kids.

I don't care what the poll "seems" to be, I want to know if there is a trend amongst castanetters.

[foodsmith]

Oh geez... The poll I was speaking of was the NY Times one -- in the article you provided... which was read... and sorely outdated and skewed, imo.

The trend is likely reflective of socioeconomic trends of the time: cost of living is up; child care costs are prohibitively high; the wage gap remains unaddressed; and other factors that don't necessarily equate to a conclusion of "want" to as much of one of "accept".

That, Queenie, is why the poll misses the mark and the article demonstrates a skewed opinion.

The thing is, one can always say that all the world's a stage and everyone plays their part, sure, but you have to acknowledge that there are costume designers, set dressers, etc.

You have to question what is going on behind the scenes and how it affects the show. Always.

[Queen K]

All I want to know is how do men here in the Okanagan and on Castanet feel about wanting their wives to be stay-at-homers.

That was the poll I naturally assumed you were referring to. Sorry.

[liisgo]

Absolutely not, Its important to allow your wife a career, build savings, and have the social relationships that only come with working a job. Unless a women can marry a man that has a big salary because most of us do not have.
Both parents are fully capable of doing every aspect of child and home care so no differences now.
Also and more important is the fact that dad's can work less (not 2 jobs) and spend more time with their children.
Not to mention the health benefits to that.
My wife likes to work, likes my cooking and enjoys our time, vacation time more because we are in equal spots.

[Grandan]

Foodsmith, did you bother to click on the link I provided in my first post?

You'd see that there is a trend amongst millenials that men want their wives to stay at home and gasp, look after him and house and kids.

I don't care what the poll "seems" to be, I want to know if there is a trend amongst castanetters.

I take you point, I can imagine that there may be a trend to have a live in wife, mother and maid. Since some of these guys never learned to lift a finger I can see that they would need all of the above. It is not just millennial kids that expected that treatment, I saw it in my generation too. Basically, they are "drones", as in the bee colony, with one job to do, sperm doner.

[dirtybiker]

I can imagine that there may be a trend to have a live in wife, mother and maid. Since some of these guys never learned to lift a finger

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=ev ... ORM=VRDGAR

[Glacier]

A while back I asked if men today feel guilty to ask their partners to be "stay-at home wives."
I didnt' get a satisfactory answer from anyone about the idea that men may deeply want their wife to stay at home and just look after things, or rather, him and the home he's working to provide for both of them. That doesn't mean she doesnt' "do" anything to assist with the finances, she's managing those via on-line investments and coupon clipping and cooking from scratch.

I stole this from someones timeline, interesting that the trend is coming on with the young men. It it my wish that people can post here without being "corrected, attacked, shamed or otherwise discouraged to post." I hope that is not too much to ask.

http://www.intellectualtakeout.org/blog ... m-cave-men

I've been married long enough to know that it is the man's job to facilitate a woman's desires. No two women are alike, so for some it is career focused and for others it's to "stay at home."

If I was making all the decisions on my own she would do more working outside of the home, but the one or two times I hinted that this she was offended because she feels fulfilled doing things that do not involve working for money. And she was, of course, right. When she's living out her dream of having a family and being an involved mother, I shouldn't try to change that. She does most of the housework, does volunteer work, etc. and that's really a great setup for our family.

"Happy wife, happy life" is cliché, but it's a winning formula. A happy husband is one who keeps finding new ways to make his wife feel supported. Nothing brings a man more joy than happy wife.

P.S. Given how much taxes increase, two incomes don't get you that far ahead anyway so staying a home saves a lot in taxes, plus work related expenses. Yes, and also cooking from scratch. Food is expensive these days. Plus, it helps raise good kids.

[alanjh595]

If you really want to make your wife happy, do more of the boring household tasks ......without......being told to do so.

[maggiedoon]

It’s becoming more common for the dad to stay at home while the wife is the income earner. If the wife can earn more and provide a better life for the family, why not?