Manners

[fvkasm2x]

I had an interesting discussion with friends regarding the lack of manners people have today.

Simple things that people USED to do all the time, but rarely seem to do anymore. Things like:

Be on time for scheduled dates/appointments/dinners
Saying please/thank you
Holding doors for people
Waving thanks when you let someone go first through an alley or turn, while in a car
Covering your mouth when you cough/yawn.


And so on....

I basically asked if they were socially inept, clueless or just rude and selfish.

One of my friends challenged this line of thought by saying:

I think I get where you're going with this... however, I see those who question the "norm" as brilliant. why should we continue to do what others have done just because it's tradition or it's "always been done that way?!"

if it weren't for the 1% who stood up when we needed it most, there might still be slavery, genocide, residential schools, men only voting, etc. I'm a "norm" breaker. always have been. some might say I lack manners and some might say I'm argumentative. I would tell you that I follow a deep moral code that's prevents me from following "the norm" just because, unless it's backed with good reason and evidence. I will not do something that hurts other beings simply because "it's been done for hundreds of years."

wear a hat to the dinner table? who cares - ancient history!
don't get a "thanks" if you hold a door open? who cares - it's not about you!

While other lost her damn mind and said this:

I think always having an open mind exponentially adds to intellect. Something I see lacking in a couple responses. Curiousty is key in life. My question to you would be: what makes you superior and more accurate than others in your opinions? How do you grow with a negative viewpoint you refuse to release, despite opposing arguments worth hearing?
I think you recieve the most harm in this area... Because while the rest of the world is growing and adapting - you are here remaining stagnant, judgemental and arrogant..
What is truly so disturbing in regards to accepting people as they are?
Because personally, someone can be late to see me, and I would never consider them classified as oblivious etc.

Thoughts on the subject of manners and social norms?

[Fancy]

Looks like those against manners were never taught as a child:
https://www.parents.com/kids/developmen ... ould-know/

don't get a "thanks" if you hold a door open? who cares - it's not about you!

If one doesn't say "thank you" for a common courtesy, that would make that one selfish and caring only about themselves. Yup, that one can be twisted around.
Being late is rude and selfish - my time is valuable and there are a lot of things I could have done but couldn't during the time lost. Oh there's so much more that can be said about the value of manners and etiquette.

[fvkasm2x]

Being late is rude and selfish - my time is valuable and there are a lot of things I could have done but couldn't during the time lost. Oh there's so much more that can be said about the value of manners and etiquette.

Yes, my wife came home last night quite angry at her soccer team.

Practice was scheduled long in advance. 15 people RSVP'd as going to the practice. Come time at the field, only 5 people showed up. It was a 30 min drive for her (and everyone probably) to go and with 5 people, you can't obviously practice much. If people had canceled, taken their name off the RSVP list and/or said they couldn't come last minute... they might have at least canceled. Instead 5 people had to waste 2 hours of their time because other people didn't think it mattered if they no showed.

Last weekend I had plans to go see a movie with a buddy at 3pm. No show. No text or call to cancel. I see him the next day at work and was like "What the hell man?" He got called in to work overtime. Didn't think to let me know though...

[Fancy]

Your wife had every right to be angry. That is unbelievable and I would follow up with each member that didn't show up. It is a team sport after all. I'm at the point I double check prior to any engagement. Would a parent be willing to phone everyone the night before as a reminder? Group texts don't always work.

[Silverstarqueen]

Good manners and basic courtesy do not go out of fashion.
But it does seem there is less of it to go around these days.
Little courtesies like holding door open for someone still happen, and it doesn't just have to be men holding it open for women, I hold open for others if I get there first.
I find the grocery cashiers are generally very polite and friendly. Okay, it is their job, but still, it makes for a nicer town and atmosphere if people just be nice to each other even if they are strangers.

[savvybusinessman]

In my experience, the people who complain about a lack of manners in society are quite often only nice and courteous around their friends and family members. Get them in a store with employees they don't know or get them in some anonymous situation and they're rude as all get out.

[fvkasm2x]

*removed*

[mexi cali]

I think I get where you're going with this... however, I see those who question the "norm" as brilliant. why should we continue to do what others have done just because it's tradition or it's "always been done that way?!"

if it weren't for the 1% who stood up when we needed it most, there might still be slavery, genocide, residential schools, men only voting, etc. I'm a "norm" breaker. always have been. some might say I lack manners and some might say I'm argumentative. I would tell you that I follow a deep moral code that's prevents me from following "the norm" just because, unless it's backed with good reason and evidence. I will not do something that hurts other beings simply because "it's been done for hundreds of years."

wear a hat to the dinner table? who cares - ancient history!
don't get a "thanks" if you hold a door open? who cares - it's not about you!

This person is confusing some pretty serious historical periods with common niceties and I'm sorry but being respectful, polite and aware of others is not something that you just set aside.

Questioning the norm is a great characteristic but it doesn't make one brilliant because they do. It makes them non-conformists, which is not a bad thing unless it is used as reason to excuse bad behavior.

This person is a lazy, disrespectful individual who disguises his laziness as intellect and relevance. I think that most would say that he lacks manners and is argumentative if he is aware enough of it to reference it. Good reason and evidence? Does he need a manual to explain why it's not a bad thing and really easy to be respectful and mindful of others?

Things that have been done for hundreds of years aren't always done as a matter of rote or muscle memory. Some, like manners are carried forth because they are a sign of civility.

I picture this twit with a beard, a beaten bowler and a plaid shirt. Oh and timberlakes. Oh, and a pipe. Oh, and no friends.

[savvybusinessman]

Things that have been done for hundreds of years aren't always done as a matter of rote or muscle memory. Some, like manners are carried forth because they are a sign of civility.

Manners can be simply being nice to people instead of going out of one's way to hold a door open or make some hand gesture that might not even be seen.

[fvkasm2x]

I picture this twit with a beard, a beaten bowler and a plaid shirt. Oh and timberlakes. Oh, and a pipe. Oh, and no friends.

She's a sheltered and unworldly 20 something feminist

[Omnitheo]

Gotta love how the same people who complain about others not having manners are the same people who decry political correctness.

[Fancy]

Gotta love how the same people who complain about others not having manners are the same people who decry political correctness.

I don't get it.

[Fancy]

Manners can be simply being nice to people instead of going out of one's way to hold a door open or make some hand gesture that might not even be seen.

I think holding a door open is being nice instead of it letting it slam into someone's face.

[savvybusinessman]

I think holding a door open is being nice instead of it letting it slam into someone's face.

I said going out of one's way to hold a door open. I guess I wasn't clear but some people expect a door to be held open for them even when they're like 20-30 feet away. That's stupid in my opinion and reeks of entitlement, but obviously it's courteous to hold a door for a person or people who are just a few steps away.

[fvkasm2x]

Gotta love how the same people who complain about others not having manners are the same people who decry political correctness.

I don't get it.

Because it doesn't make any sense. Political correctness and manners are loosely related at best.

These two geniuses are doing well to counter their own point about ME not having manners (because they don't agree with my posts). Rather than discuss the topic at hand, they're allowing pettiness over my past posts to take over their brains and insult me... in a thread about manners.

Try to stick to the topic at hand, will you boys?

Are manners and societal norms disappearing? If so, why?

Are they needed or have they changed "with the times?"


We've seen a shift in some things, like:

Taking off your hat during the National Anthem
Standing during the anthem
Wearing a hat at the dinner table
Yawning and not covering your mouth

And so on....