Double Fatal

[Cumungala]

There has been a terrible tragedy and I don't like how this thread is being used to bash young people. I'm only 17 and I certainly don't act like everyone portrays "all" kids as being.

[Dash5]

We should all teach our kids that freedom of speech comes with responsibility, indeed, any right comes with responsibility.

Exactly, but it goes so much deeper than just free speech! It seems almost everyone these days jumps up and down about the "freedoms" and "rights" they are "entitled" to but have absolutely zero concern or regard for the responsibilities and consideration for others that go along with those freedoms and rights!

[LoneWolf_53]

Why aren't they simple to execute? What happens when you tell your teenager they have to stay home tonight?

Well, in some instances if a parent is fortunate enough and has a somewhat docile teen it may actually work. On the other hand I know of instances where prohibiting them from going out prompted a phone call to social services, with a made up story, and regardless of what the truth was, it created the parents a lot of hassle.

This is a scenario most parents wish to avoid and as such might well compel them to be more lenient in matters than they really wish to be.

In other instances the subject might well pretend to be home and grounded while in fact they sneak out.

Never underestimate the ingenuity of a teen and what lengths they will go to in order to achieve their goal.

[prairieflower]

Hi, I have lots of questions for you, if you have the time, and energy.

Do you have teenagers yourself? Yes, I have had teens, see next question.
Do you have adult children? Yes

Have you been in need with your children to try these measures to confirm that they work? No - I have 2 children (young adults) who are both very different. 1 was "the perfect child" straight A's no worries. 1 was the "trouble child" wanting to party, hang out with friend etc.

Do you think they might work with some kids, but not with others, depending on personalities, etc. Each child is different yes, but parenting is the same no matter what.

Do you realize in the past three decades, especially the past decade, that parents have lost all rights to information about their children (medical/legal) through the Federal Privacy Act? You have all the information as a parent that you require to raise them if you are part of their lives. I have friends who have a crack-addicted daughter. She was 15 when she started, she is now 28 and they are still raising her. They are privy to EVERYTHING that has gone on with their child through out the last 13 yrs.

I'm grew up more decades ago than that. There were teenagers back then telling their parents what they were going to do and what they were not going to do. Back then kids quit school before they graduated, they did drugs, they drove fast in cars, (there were no seatbelts), and kids drank at bush parties and in friends basements. If you didn't do that, you were in the chess club or reading club. If you did do that, you were in with the cool kids, who had an exciting, fun-charged, party good time, if you were allowed, or if you were able to sneak out of your house after the parents went to bed - or better yet, plan a sleepover with your friend who is allowed to go out, because when your mom calls her mom, her mom will say yup, I'm gonna be home, and it's all good, (until the single mom gets a call to go out and leaves the kids on their own, at least her DD has a sleepover guest so she won't be alone...) Sorry but I was part of the "cool kid" group. I drank, I smoked pot & cigarettes. We did not drink and drive. We partied at a friends but if we needed a ride, we took a bus or called our parents as a last resot. I had a curfew until I was 19 (an adult) and obeyed it to a tee. If I did, I got to possibly stay out later. I come from a home with one parent who didn't drink at all, and one who did occasionally. I was raised by a single parent & then a parent who remarried.

My parents lost a 17 year old son. I lost a 17 year old brother. Time may help to focus on the good memories, but he will always be missed, and we will never be the same. Ever. We are all good, living very blessed lives, but our family, and each of us will never be the same without him. I feel so much empathy for the parents, that it hurts to read the blame on them.

We should all teach our kids that freedom of speech comes with responsibility, indeed, any right comes with responsibility.

I am very sorry for your loss. I too lost a friend to a drunk driver many years ago. Her parents were never the same.

I am a woman in my mid-40's with children in their early 20's. I cannot fathom losing one of them, but have raised them with the values that I and my brothers were raised with. There have been times that they pushed the buttons on curfews, who they are allowed to "hang" with etc. There were groundings to the point of me taking time off to pick up and drop off at school.

Parenting to me, is the toughest job we ever have. I would not let my children rule my life with what they want...it's simple. Until they were adults, they answered to me, their father and any other adult who's care they may have been in at the time (babysitter). Until they moved out, they had to live by our rules, period. They didnt' like those rules, tough bananas.

Too many parents want to be their child's buddy, their pal...It's sad that this is happening.

[Fancy]

If it's not a school night (there was no school on the Friday in this case), what would be the reason for grounding a 16 year old? Which is seems it's what this is boiling down to.

[prairieflower]

You have no clue do you and I hope you never have a problem teen because in the end you have no power!

We have all the power over our kids! Why is this so freaking hard to understand? So what if little Johnnie or little Susie is pissy because you said NO!

Please tell me when did this change people????? When did our children start ruling OUR lives parenting them?????

I must have missed that memo.

[Bsuds]

You have no clue do you and I hope you never have a problem teen because in the end you have no power!

We have all the power over our kids! Why is this so freaking hard to understand? So what if little Johnnie or little Susie is pissy because you said NO!

Please tell me when did this change people????? When did our children start ruling OUR lives parenting them?????

I must have missed that memo.

Apparently you have missed a lot.

It started when we stopped disciplining children in School and in the home. It has gone downhill since then.
You (and I) are lucky that we brought up our kids before that time and they turned out fine, but later generations are having some trouble with it. Some kids today are not getting any discipline and it shows.

[gloryniights]

So you said 'no' to your kids EVERY single time they went out on a weekend, then? I feel like what you aren't understanding here is these kids don't walk up to their parents and say 'Hey mom and dad, gonna go get wasted and probably go for a joyride.' THAT, any parent would say no to and put their foot down. Little Suzie says 'Hey mom and dad, I'm gonna go to Best Friend's house for the night.'.

I was getting drunk at 1pm on a Saturday cause I knew I had to be home by 7. There are dozens upon dozens of times where I left the house and came back before anyone noticed. Kids are resourceful. Kids WILL lie to get what they want, even the best ones. I'm 19 now and I've since smartened up but at 15-16, my parents had absolutely no control over me. I didn't threaten them, I didn't lash out, it kept them at bay and let them give me all the freedom I needed to get into the trouble I was getting into. I was living at home with a drug and alcohol problem and my parents never knew about it because I more or less abided by their rules. I was home if they wanted me to be, so they let me go out when I wanted to. Was I usually where I said I was? No. Did they know the people I was with? No.

Congrats on the whiz kids you apparently have, but don't be foolish and say that it's as easy as saying 'no'.

[Catz]

My dad was a cop with 3 girls...strict rules...we found a way.

The only person I have control over is myself.
I can educate, and warn and love, and teach, but when they leave my house for school...I really have no idea what they do.
They can turn around and light a big fat one if the want.

I have taught them choices and consequences, and allow them to make choices.
I also have rules at my house, though, and try and teach mutual respect....they will NOT be running at night with God knows who if I can help it.

Then again, I snuck out the window many of times.

I just pray that they make good choices.

[LoneWolf_53]

My dad was a cop with 3 girls...strict rules...we found a way.

The only person I have control over is myself.
I can educate, and warn and love, and teach, but when they leave my house for school...I really have no idea what they do.
They can turn around and light a big fat one if the want.

I have taught them choices and consequences, and allow them to make choices.
I also have rules at my house, though, and try and teach mutual respect....they will NOT be running at night with God knows who if I can help it.

Then again, I snuck out the window many of times.

I just pray that they make good choices.

Great example and so true. I doubt prairieflower is up to speed on every little thing the younguns did growing up. I doubt any parent is for that matter.

[OnTheRoadAgain]

Our system has empowered youth, far beyond what any of the previous generations had experienced, they know it, and if so inclined will use it to their advantage.

empowered youth without teaching them how to use it,
given them access to information infinity, without the maturity to know how to process it all,
give them mixed messages do what I say, not what I do,

we are all a part of that system.....

[gordon_as]

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Z2mf8DtWWd8

bump my own post . This is worth watching.

[logicalview]

^^^
Yours is good.

This one is by the same group and gets to the point sooner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_popout&v=FqvLcVBOhP4

[OnTheRoadAgain]

Why aren't they simple to execute? What happens when you tell your teenager they have to stay home tonight?

Some will just go out the window. It's that easy. When you tell the strong-headed ones they can't, they will and they will really make sure you don't find out. But if you do, what then? If they can't be kept in, grounding doesn't work, and we know you can't beat them when they're bigger than you, or old enough to report you.

That's just one thing that could happen. They could also just stay home. Depends on the kid.

[OnTheRoadAgain]

We should all teach our kids that freedom of speech comes with responsibility, indeed, any right comes with responsibility.

Exactly, but it goes so much deeper than just free speech! It seems almost everyone these days jumps up and down about the "freedoms" and "rights" they are "entitled" to but have absolutely zero concern or regard for the responsibilities and consideration for others that go along with those freedoms and rights!

you got it