The Wet Rubber

[hellomynameis]

The Wet Rubber

The rubber is off the dry, and skipping
liquid stones into lakes of air.
Throwing them off like stars broken
their light orbiting away.
Is this a car crash
A drivers witnessing?
- Hard physics in slow motion
acting through space and soft passengers?
All is steel collision and stellar glass galactic.
All is commotion in this universe of dropsy
between them, the wet and the fragile,
both held in a moment expanded, gone.
- A bubble in a calm wet scene
of glistening trees and smooth lines
running along the pedestrian sidewalk.
As comets collect in pothole nebulas
and meteors of glass also collect.
Millions more are streaking – striking!
All falling in the surround.
All issued from not-so-innocent clouds.
Lances?

Above the clouds the cool dark,
ambiguous twilight
and twinkling stars.


- A car accident? Micro perspectives and seconds that seem like an eternity. It was a wet and dreary night.
- Criticism welcome

[Jo]

I thought this was good, you really capture the immediacy and shock of such a situation, the sense of time and space colliding, the nanosecond that must seem like an hour.

[Piecemaker]

I agree with Jo's comments. Also, I've never thought of a car accident in such a way before.

Not a criticism really, but I think "drivers" in line 6 should have an apostrophe before the s.

[BoB76]

The Wet Rubber

The rubber is off the dry, and skipping
liquid stones into lakes of air.
Throwing them off like stars broken
their light orbiting away.
Is this a car crash
A drivers witnessing?
- Hard physics in slow motion
acting through space and soft passengers?
All is steel collision and stellar glass galactic.
All is commotion in this universe of dropsy
between them, the wet and the fragile,
both held in a moment expanded, gone.
- A bubble in a calm wet scene
of glistening trees and smooth lines
running along the pedestrian sidewalk.
As comets collect in pothole nebulas
and meteors of glass also collect.
Millions more are streaking – striking!
All falling in the surround.
All issued from not-so-innocent clouds.
Lances?

Above the clouds the cool dark,
ambiguous twilight
and twinkling stars.


- A car accident? Micro perspectives and seconds that seem like an eternity. It was a wet and dreary night.
- Criticism welcome

Again we need to deal with the crack heads. You must be high!!

[crash 99]

BoB...sweetie...a poet you definitely ain't.

[dandynick5]

BoB...sweetie...a poet you definitely ain't.

I got a lot out of this poem, and one of the things I didn't get was any indication of crackheads or being high. At least not from Hellomynameis.

[hellomynameis]

What is this about crackhead's and being stoned? I don't get it. From my own point of view this poem fails on several points: 1, it fails to truly harmonize the feeling of “the completeness of universe” with “the common sensation (shock) of a small but acute humanity”. 2, the word “dropsy” Still can’t think of something better and that word is totally wrong, totally de-immersing. 3, The flow of the poem falters at points.

Oh and the drivers without an apostrophe.

I have revised this poem about three times, its looking better but still needs work. I am of the school of thought that believes you can only write in those uncommon “inspired” moments so I look forward to the final version sometime in the next 2 - 26 years.

P.S. never tried crack.

[zzontar]

I thought "The Wet rubber" was going to be way raunchier, but then again, I remember seeing a sign in the foyer of an apartment that said "please remove rubbers before entering"... I thought "wow, people actually wear those things around town?"

[BoB76]

I thought "The Wet rubber" was going to be way raunchier, but then again, I remember seeing a sign in the foyer of an apartment that said "please remove rubbers before entering"... I thought "wow, people actually wear those things around town?"

You never know when you will need one!! Especially when beer is involved.