Butting in line

[Jo]

Had to post this from the Times Colonist in its entirety, it is hilarious, and pretty much sums up Kelowna's idea of vigilante justice.

Sunday » July 29 » 2007

Knox column: Queue jumpers beware -- nautical justice is swift and sure

Jack Knox
Times Colonist

Sunday, July 29, 2007

News item: Drivers who cut into line at Washington state ferry terminals are now subject to a $101 fine.

What, I thought Washington had a death penalty.

It wouldn't be hard. Just run a set of jumper cables from the battery to the offending driver's ear lobes and you could light him up like a Christmas tree right there in lane 46. Wouldn't even have to drag him out of the car afterwards. Just slip it in neutral and push it into the saltchuck. Sploosh.

Or if capital punishment is too much for the bleeding hearts, they could tie the driver to his own back bumper, drag him around the parking lot for a couple of laps. Might even slow for the speed bumps.

Jeez, we hate line-jumpers. Offends our sense of fairness. Which is why it's so heartening to hear of Washington's $101 fine.

"It was generated by customer dissatisfaction with people cutting in line," says Marta Coursey, spokeswoman for Washington State Ferries. The bulk of the offenders, she says, are drunken Albertans who couldn't follow directions with the help of GPS, six sherpas and a seeing-eye dog. Well, no, what she actually said is most of the budgers are out-of-state visitors who don't know any better, but in my mind that's pretty much the same thing.

Happily, B.C. Ferries has a handle on those who don't wait their turn. Try butting in line at Swartz Bay, the Voice Of Doom comes booming out of the loudspeakers: "You in the grey Jaguar in lane 5, get to the back of line 38." And the Jaguar, chastened, skulks (jaguars do skulk) to the back of the line, where orange-vested workers paint a big scarlet letter on the hood.

This is the best thing about B.C. Ferries (other than the massage chairs): Justice is swift, sure and unflinching.

We can, in fact, feel more confident that justice will be served at B.C. Ferries than in the average B.C. courtroom. This month, a judge punted out evidence being used against a man caught with 50 kilograms of cocaine at the Aldergrove border crossing in January 2005. She ruled border guards should have obtained a search warrant before taking apart his truck. What kind of justice system takes 21/2 years to decide that border guards shouldn't do their job?

I prefer the olden days. Back in the 19th century, up in the Cariboo, Judge Matthew Begbie once sentenced an American murderer to death. When the murderer announced that he would appeal, Begbie replied: "It will take six months or more for the colonial secretary to deal with the matter and months more before we learn of his decision. But you will not be interested in what he decides, for you are to be hanged Monday morning." (Excuse me, but I'm getting a little misty here.)

The world is, in fact, full of people who need the B.C. Ferries/Begbie treatment. People who park big trucks in small-car parking spots, or park with the wheels crowding into the next stall. People who talk during movies. People who talk on their cellphones during movies.

The worst are people who take 15 items to the Nine Items Or Less check-out. They should be Tasered by the cashiers, or at least forced to pay a $1-an-item fine to everyone else in line. (There is, however, a grey area in law in which husband and wife separate their purchases into two piles of eight, then go through the check-out pretending not to know one another.)

But I digress. We're supposed to be talking about queue-jumpers.

Some countries accept butting in (or budging, if you prefer) as a way of life, shoving and jostling like Conrad Black going for the seven-layer dip at the Hollinger picnic. These are generally the same countries where a succession of colonels take turns being president-for-life.

Not here. Here, you're supposed to wait your turn, to obey the rules, safe in the knowledge that if others don't obey the rules they will be punished. When the rule of law fails, society begins to crack. Respect for authority crumbles. One minute you have unchecked line-budging, next thing you know it's a dystopian nightmare, roving gangs of feral youth knocking over liquor stores and preying on the weak and aged.

This is why ferry justice is so important. It protects democracy when other institutions falter. Fines for line-jumpers? I say give them the chair -- and not the massage chair, either.

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© Times Colonist (Victoria) 2007

Copyright © 2007 CanWest Interactive, a division of CanWest MediaWorks Publications, Inc.. All rights reserved.

[Bsuds]

Love it!

[Piecemaker]

A good read! Alas, lack of respect and rudeness has come to require legal intervention rather than the stern look from an elder to correct the behavior.

[CountryAtHeart]

So true, So true!