The blame game

[TylerM4]

Excellent discussion here all. Thank-you!

The thought of "Fairness" came to mind today. As parents, we want to protect our children from the "unfairness of the world". Participation trophies, buy your kid an item just because a sibling or a friend got it, 1 child wins a prize the parent often buys a similar prize for the other child, etc. I was surprised recently when my young son attended a birthday party. The sibling of the birthday boy also got a gift "Because it's not fair that brother gets a bunch of presents but he doesn't".

Are our parental instincts in this manner causing harm to society later down the road?

[Lady tehMa]

Excellent discussion here all. Thank-you!

The thought of "Fairness" came to mind today. As parents, we want to protect our children from the "unfairness of the world". Participation trophies, buy your kid an item just because a sibling or a friend got it, 1 child wins a prize the parent often buys a similar prize for the other child, etc. I was surprised recently when my young son attended a birthday party. The sibling of the birthday boy also got a gift "Because it's not fair that brother gets a bunch of presents but he doesn't".

Are our parental instincts in this manner causing harm to society later down the road?

YES.

Life is not fair, and better to get used to it early.

I have a friend who teaches organic chemistry at a university in Alberta. She has had parents come in and argue their children's marks for them. She has been told it is "not fair" to flunk a student simply because they haven't done the work. She has been threatened with lawsuits if she didn't pass their child. University Students!

[zoo]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x6m4WVX3kk

From 1992, 25 years ago.
Long ,but will worth the watch, especially around the 14 min mark and on from there.
So, was this guy right on or want?

[HP]

We go back to a time where there wasn't a "therapist" for everything , including animal whispers ..We go back to a time where "therapy" was provided by family elders .

This creates some questions for me:

Was there ever such a time - when was it? Decade level of accuracy will do.
Why is a therapist such a bad thing?
We go back to a time where everything isn't so offensive because "we" don't like it. When was this?
We go back to a time where things were earned and respected? When was this?

There's a bit of revisionist history going on. I'll save the baiting for a live debate and just get to my end state. The days you yearned for have never existed. You are yearning for a childhood perspective on things and you can't get that back.

As an example,

We go back to a time where everything isn't so offensive because "we" don't like it

'everything' was just as offensive in the past as it is today. The difference is that one could speak his mind without consequences or thought to what he was saying. Find me a time in history when language was not used to marginalize or denigrate - you can't do it. We all have a pleasentville version of our lives. It doesn't make one's memories invalid but the reality of this world is that bad things don't always happen to bad people, the cowboy doesn't always get the girl, and sometimes good work just leads to more work - oh, and it has been that way forever. Is there a possibility that those good old days we yearn for created the situation we're in now?

I think the matter of the 'blame game' is somewhat more nuanced. It seems to me the matter is more around contextualizing your outcomes than rationalizing the inputs and here's what I mean. I can only control my inputs - what happens as a result of what I do is only partly in my sphere of influence. Sure, doing 'better' things will probably lead to 'better' outcomes but that's not always guaranteed just like doing 'worse' things will not always result in 'worse' outcomes. In recognizing that balance I think the real issue comes to light - there is rarely a single contributing factor into any outcome. One can be simplistic but that tends to ignore root cause. To me, the Extreme Blame Game (depersonalization) is the polar opposite of the Extreme Personalization. Both exist .. such is the polarized world we live in. If things can't be one way they MUST be the other and there is no room for compromise.