Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby alanjh595 » Jul 25th, 2018, 7:52 am

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Sep 4th, 2018, 2:05 pm

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Sep 4th, 2018, 2:12 pm

My Therapist told me to write letters to the people I hate and then burn them.

I did that but now what do I do with the letters?

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Sep 7th, 2018, 9:31 am

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Sep 12th, 2018, 7:08 am

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife
‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!’

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.

‘What the Hell is this??’ he said to himself as a little ‘dust’ cloud appeared when he shook them out.

‘April,’ he hollered into the bathroom,‘why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?’

She replied with a snicker…’lt’s not talcum powder……lt’s ‘Miracle Grow’

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Oct 15th, 2018, 2:29 pm

Four worms and a lesson to be learned!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.


Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol . . . Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke . . .Dead.


Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . . Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil . . .Alive


So the Minister asked the congregation,

"What did you learn from this demonstration?"

Maxine was sitting in the back quickly raised her hand and said . . . "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't
have worms!"


That pretty much ended the service!

Today is International Disturbed People's Day.

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend...

Just as I've done.

"Hang in there Sunshine, You’re special!

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Oct 29th, 2018, 7:09 pm

Final Arrangements


Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he suffers a heart attack and dies.


The undertaker tells the American diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100.'



The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss for a few minutes. They return with their answer to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald Trump shipped home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?

The American diplomats reply, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.

We just can't take the risk.'

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Nov 9th, 2018, 8:55 am

The professor was telling his early morning class,"I've found that the best way to start the day is to exercise for five minutes, take a deep breath of fresh air, and then have a bowl of delicious cereal with raisins and almonds and a cup of green tea and finish with a cold shower.



Then I feel rosy all over."





A sleepy voice from the back of the room said,"Tell us more about Rosy.”
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Nov 12th, 2018, 6:52 am

A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents.

After dinner, her mother told the girl's father to find out about the young man.

The father invited the fiancé to his study for a talk.

"So, what are your plans?" the father asked the young man.

"I am a biblical scholar," he replied.

"A biblical scholar, hmmm?" the father said. "Admirable, but what will you

do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?"

"I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she

deserves?" asked the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide

for us."

"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fiancé.

The conversation proceeded like this...and each time the father questioned,

the young idealist insisted that God would provide.

Later, the mother asked, "How did your talk go, honey?"

The father answered, "another Liberal , He has no job, he has no plans, and he thinks I'm God."
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Nov 30th, 2018, 4:20 pm

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Ken7 » Dec 9th, 2018, 11:32 am

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.

He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Dec 11th, 2018, 3:59 pm

A Train ride through the Rockies:


Sitting crowded together on a train traveling through the Canadian Rockies were an elderly farmer from Saskatchewan, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts.

The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel,Justin Trudeau has a bright red hand print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The little old lady thinks: Trudeau must have groped the buxom blond in the dark and she slapped his cheek.

The blond girl thinks: That darn Trudeau must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.

Trudeau thinks: That stupid old farmer from Saskatchewan must have groped the blond in the dark.She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

The old farmer from Saskatchewan thinks:

I can't wait for another tunnel so I can smack that little *bleep* from Ottawa again.

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Dec 11th, 2018, 7:23 pm

Chevy Truck.

I stopped by the local GM Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado
pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that
new "feel" before they become extinct.

The salesman (a man wearing a "Trudeau for change" lapel pin) sat in the
passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful"
options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats
directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your
butt in the summer heat.

Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this must be a Conservative
truck. Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Conservative truck.
I explained that if it were a Trudeau truck, the seats would just blow smoke
up your *bleep* year-round.

Didn’t mind that I had to walk back to the dealership. Damn guy had no sense of humour !

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Dec 13th, 2018, 9:08 pm

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Ken7 » Dec 14th, 2018, 2:57 pm

Bsuds wrote:A Train ride through the Rockies:


Sitting crowded together on a train traveling through the Canadian Rockies were an elderly farmer from Saskatchewan, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts.

The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel,Justin Trudeau has a bright red hand print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The little old lady thinks: Trudeau must have groped the buxom blond in the dark and she slapped his cheek.

The blond girl thinks: That darn Trudeau must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.

Trudeau thinks: That stupid old farmer from Saskatchewan must have groped the blond in the dark.She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

The old farmer from Saskatchewan thinks:

I can't wait for another tunnel so I can smack that little *bleep* from Ottawa again.


This story is unbelievable Saskatchewan Farmers would have hammered Trudeau themselves.
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