Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Dec 23rd, 2018, 1:58 pm

Men & Earrings


A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is
wearing an earring.

The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative
fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense"

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were
into earrings.."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies
sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity
prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Dec 26th, 2018, 1:02 pm

Woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note saying, -

"I've had enough and left you, don't bother coming after me." and hid under the bed to see his reaction.



After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom,she could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.



After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone -



"She's finally gone ... yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to pick you up, put on the sexy French *bleep*, I love you". He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.



She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed,seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote;



"I can see your feet. Stop being *bleep*, we're out of bread, put the kettle on, back in 5 minutes.”

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby oneh2obabe » Dec 26th, 2018, 6:15 pm

dinner.jpg
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Dance as if no one's watching, sing as if no one's listening, and live everyday as if it were your last.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Dec 29th, 2018, 5:29 pm

What a quick thinking lady!



Woman saves herself in Crocodile attack using a small Walking Stick. This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a walking stick against a fierce predator.



Here is her story in her own words:



“While out walking along the edge of a creek just outside of our house in Darwin, with my soon to be ex-husband discussing our property settlement, kids and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 5 metre crocodile which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging at us very fast with its large jaws wide open.

The Croc must have been protecting her young and her home because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little $5 dollar Reject Shop walking stick with me, I would not be here today!

Just one hard whack to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.

The Croc got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and I got the lot.”

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby dirtybiker » Dec 31st, 2018, 12:20 pm

Christmas Divorce
An old man in Miami calls his son in Vancouver and says,
"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your
mother and I are divorcing. 35 years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?!" the son screams.


"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer." the
old man says, "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of even talking about this,
so you call your sister in Montreal and you tell her." Then hangs up.


Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're
getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Miami immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing,
DO YOU HEAR ME?"

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Okay" he says, "They're coming for Christmas and they're paying their
own fares."


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Christmas Shopping

A couple were Christmas shopping when the wife suddenly noticed that her
husband was missing so she called him on her cell phone.

The wife said, "Where are you? You know we have lots to do."

He said, "You remember the jewlers we went to about 10 years ago,
and you fell in love with that diamond necklace, I could not afford it
at the time and I said that one day I would go get it for you?"

Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up.

"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.


"Well, I am in the bar next to that."


:130:
"Don't 'p' down my neck then tell me it's raining!"

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby dirtybiker » Jan 1st, 2019, 11:04 pm

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d0/38/1f ... 54d582.gif

Not sure how to just post it without it being a link...so...there.....
"Don't 'p' down my neck then tell me it's raining!"
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Jan 15th, 2019, 12:37 pm

49864653_2867339653338874_2531129991102464000_n.jpg
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby TreeGuy » Jan 20th, 2019, 5:46 am

There are two trees in the forest; one a birch, one a beech. They have grown up together from saplings to fully grown trees. They always had a healthy rivalry going, arguing about everything from the weather to the composition of the soil. In their older years a little sapling started to sprout between them and the birch said:

"Hey, I bet you that's the son of a birch."

"No sir, you are mistaken. That is the son of a beech."

This went on back and forth for years, son of a birch, son of a beech. Until one day a woodpecker flew up to the top of the beech tree and started pecking. The beech tree said: "Hey woodpecker, could you do us a favor. Me and Mr. Birch have a bet about that sapling down there. Could you check it out and tell us if it is a son of a beech, or a son of a birch. The woodpecker replies:

"No problem. I can figure this out for you guys."

The woodpecker flies down to the sapling, pecks at it for a minute, and flies up to the beech tree. The beech asks:

"So, what's the verdict? Is it a son of a birch, or a son of a beech?"

The woodpecker replies:

"I don't know what all your fuss was about, but that was the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby alanjh595 » Jan 20th, 2019, 8:02 am

:spitcoffee: :spitcoffee: :spitcoffee: :spitcoffee: :spitcoffee: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

One would have to be able to appreciate good wood to get that joke. :smt045

TreeGuy has, good morning wood jokes.
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Jan 24th, 2019, 4:59 pm

LEMON PICKERS NEEDED IN FLORIDA - ONLY US CITIZENS OR LEGAL IMMIGRANTS NEED APPLY

“Lemon Pickers Needed” read the ad in the newspaper.

Ms. Sally Mulligan of Coral Springs , Florida, read it, and decided to apply for one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.

She submitted her application for a job in a Florida lemon grove, but seemed far too qualified for the job.

She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan, and a master’s degree from Michigan
State University. For a number of years, she had worked as a social worker, and also as a school teacher.

The foreman studied her application, frowned and said, "I see that you are well educated, and have an impressive resume. However, I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said..."I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, and voted for Trump .”



She started work yesterday

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Feb 4th, 2019, 3:03 pm

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Bsuds » Feb 9th, 2019, 11:11 am

The Geography of a Woman




Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa.

Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!


Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.

Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.


Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.

Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.


Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece.

Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.


Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain.
With a glorious and all conquering past


Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel.

Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.


Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada.
Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.


After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.

An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN


Between 1 and 80, a man is like North Korea and the United States


Ruled by a pair of nuts.

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby alanjh595 » Feb 9th, 2019, 3:54 pm

Thanks for that, I have already re-sent it 7 times.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Catsumi » Feb 10th, 2019, 6:27 am

SHOULD THE WALL BE BUILT? THE HEALTHPROFESSIONALS GET TO DECIDE


Physicians were unable to reach a consensus: Should the U.S. build Trump's Mexican Wall? The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought Trump had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were *bleep* off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the *bleep* in Washington !
Make the Cdn wet dream come true. Vote MAD MAX

Like a plague, JT must go!

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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Postby Catsumi » Feb 11th, 2019, 4:04 pm

Liberal Spin

Judy Wallman Trudeau a professional genealogy researcher in southern Ontario was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's great, great uncle, Remus Trudeau, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Alberta in 1889. Both Judy and Prime Minister Trudeau share this common ancestor.
cid:[email protected]
The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in the new Alberta territory. On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: “Remus Trudeau horse thief, sent to Alberta Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Alberta Rail Flyer six times. Caught by Royal Canadian Mounted Police detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889”.
So Judy recently e-mailed the Prime Minister for information about their great, great uncle, Remus. Believe it or not, Prime Minister's Trudeau's staff sent this response back:
“Remus Trudeau was a famous cowboy in the Alberta Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Canadian Pacific railroad. Beginning in 1885, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
In 1889, Remus passed away suddenly during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed”.
Make the Cdn wet dream come true. Vote MAD MAX

Like a plague, JT must go!
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