Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Share your jokes, cartoons, funny stories.
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dirtybiker
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by dirtybiker »

A thief entered a house mid-afternoon.
He tied up the woman and at knife point asked the man to
hand over the jewelry and money.
The man started sobbing and said "You can take anything
you want.
You can kill me also, But please untie the rope and release her."

Thief: "You must really love your wife!"

Man: "No, but hurry, she is due home shortly."
"Don't 'p' down my neck then tell me it's raining!"
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

Saint Peter



Saint Peter is seeing all of the new arrivals trying to go through the pearly gates into Heaven.



The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one.



"I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just got out of the shower.



Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too.



I knew she was into some hanky-panky so I began to look for her lover.



I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and found the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips.



I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.



On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him.



At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.

Saint Peter thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst ..."I was on the roof

Of an apartment building working on the AC equipment and I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building.



I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot.



I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me.



I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest."



Saint Peter couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room.



Saint Peter is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters.



He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows who arrived here just before you."



“I don't know" says the man. "Picture this, I'm naked, hiding in this cedar chest.
I might look normal but believe me, I talk to animals and wait for them to reply.
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alanjh595
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by alanjh595 »

ImageImageImageImage
Bring back the LIKE button.
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Glacier
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Glacier »

blackeye.jpg

Bsuds comes in to work on Monday morning with two black eyes.

His co workers asked him how he got them. His reply:

"Well, I was at church yesterday and the Pastor's message was about how we should be more helpful to one another.

When we got up to sing, I noticed that the lady in front of me had her dress stuck in her crack so, being helpful, I pulled it out for her - that's when she hit me in the eye."

"But you have two black eyes" the co-workers remarked.

"Yeah, I saw how upset she got when I pulled her dress out so I put it back."
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"No one has the right to apologize for something they did not do, and no one has the right to accept an apology if the wrong was not done to them."
- Douglas Murray
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sobrohusfat
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by sobrohusfat »

Girraffe walks into a bar and declares...

"THE HIGH BALLS ARE ON ME !"
The adventure continues...

No good story ever started with; "So i stayed home."
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

72675053_10211245191405777_6535711584692469760_n.jpg
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I might look normal but believe me, I talk to animals and wait for them to reply.
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alanjh595
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by alanjh595 »

The Geography of a Woman




Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa.

Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!


Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.

Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.


Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.

Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.


Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece.

Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.


Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain.
With a glorious and all conquering past


Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel.

Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.


Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada.
Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.


After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.

An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN


Between 1 and 80, a man is like North Korea and the United States


Ruled by a pair of nuts.
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

74662458_10157554821243150_3975200993628389376_n.jpg
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I might look normal but believe me, I talk to animals and wait for them to reply.
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alanjh595
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by alanjh595 »

Banned Ferri from BC.

BC Ferries says it has issued a one-year travel ban for a passenger it says acted “aggressively” towards staff.

On Oct. 15, BC Ferries says a driver left their assigned lane and “aggressively drove towards” a staff member at the Langdale terminal, “forcing the employee to jump out of the way.”

The company says it has issued multiple one-year travel bans to passengers in the past two weeks.

“On Oct. 17, a passenger threatened the use of a fire arm to an employee at the Horseshoe Bay terminal,” the company said in a statement. “On Oct. 22, a passenger assaulted an employee on the Coastal Celebration.”

“We are committed to providing our employees and passengers a safe and respectful environment,” said Mark Collins, BC Ferries’ President & CEO. “The vast majority of our passengers treat our employees courteously. Abusive conduct or comments, or behaviours that put our employees or the public at risk, are not tolerated. These behaviours result in a denial of service, travel ban and the involvement of police agencies.”


:1422: :1422: :1422: :1422: :1422: :1422: :1422: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

https://www.castanet.net/news/BC/269491 ... aff-member
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sobrohusfat
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by sobrohusfat »

An Alabama school teacher told the class to write an essay which includes religion, family and mystery.

Little Billy stands up and says;

"Good Lord, my sister's expecting ...I wonder who the daddy is !"
The adventure continues...

No good story ever started with; "So i stayed home."
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sobrohusfat
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by sobrohusfat »

Why don't Southern Baptists have sex standing-up ?



... looks too much like dancing.
The adventure continues...

No good story ever started with; "So i stayed home."
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

10968489_10152636875981048_8325710685806417309_n.jpg


Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"
"Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!
"Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,
"Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies,"Hurts, don't it?!"
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I might look normal but believe me, I talk to animals and wait for them to reply.
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dirtybiker
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by dirtybiker »

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go
to the dentist.
"I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want novacaine because
I'm in a big hurry." the woman said.
"Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."

The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman,"
he said. "Which tooth is it?"

The woman turned to her husband and said, "show him your tooth dear."


/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Upon seeing an elderly woman for the drafting of her will, the attorney
charged her $100.00.
She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another
$100 bill.
On seeing the two bills stuck together the ethical question came to
the attorney's mind; "Do I tell my partner?"
"Don't 'p' down my neck then tell me it's raining!"
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

Grandpa, what is couple sex?

All you Grandpas and Grandmas, this was too funny not to forward. We are all reaching that stage where we need to keep the wax out of our ears and keep the hearing aids tuned up. Enjoy!

What Is Couple Sex?

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is a couple sex?
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question then she's old enough to get a straight answer.

Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities that go along with it.



When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?'



The little girl replied, "Well, Grandma says to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs".
I might look normal but believe me, I talk to animals and wait for them to reply.
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.

Over a double latte, the Greek mentions “We built the Pantheon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”

“Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”

“But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics.”

“Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces.”

Knowing that he’s about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: “Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!”

“True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved!!!”
I might look normal but believe me, I talk to animals and wait for them to reply.

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