Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

[alanjh595]

[sobrohusfat]

[sobrohusfat]

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[sobrohusfat]

[Catsumi]

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
Should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
You should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says

'HEBREWS'

[Catsumi]

While walking down the street one day a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.

'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers the MP.

'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

What happened? '

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning.....

Today you voted.

[fluffy]

"Fluffy, cuddly cat to adopt"

Targeted advertising on Castanet? That's something new isn't it ?

[Bsuds]

"Fluffy, cuddly cat to adopt"

Targeted advertising on Castanet? That's something new isn't it ?

Nope, they have been doing it for awhile now. What bugs me is they put it under "Latest Headlines"

[sobrohusfat]

you lured me here for that !?

i guess that's the punch-line (?)

[Bsuds]

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[Bsuds]

COPPER WIRE.........ahead of the curve!!!

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British."

One week later, Canadian Dept. Of Mines and Resources in Newfoundland reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in eastern Canada, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Canada had already gone wireless."

Just makes a guy bloody proud to be Canadian eh!

[seewood]

^^^^

[sobrohusfat]

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[oneh2obabe]

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[Bsuds]

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a cliff, about to jump off.

An old homeless bloke who was wandering by stopped and said,
"Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a quickie before you go?"
She screamed, "NO! Bugger off you filthy old *bleep*!"

He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay then, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."

She didn't jump.

Counselling can work!!!