Vandal tosses smoke bombs
Pedestrian killed on highway
Fine issued in tugboat death
'Unicorn' plan to quit CPP
Three fishers die in sinking
Coke, Pepsi did not show
Shooter to pay $5 million
'Cash savings, not bribes'
Not guilty plea in crash
Port shipments drop 14%
Weather drives repairs
This week in business
Wild head coach suspended
DeSouza returned to team
Warriors eke out OT win
Police investigate Brand
Usher headlines halftime
Association singer passes
Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
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alanjh595
- Banned
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Babba_not_Gump
- Walks on Forum Water
- Posts: 11531
- Joined: Jul 16th, 2019, 2:38 pm
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
An understanding Wife
Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Norman’s life.
Tragically, I’ve never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye.
I’ll never forget how supportive my Norman was.
Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, “Be positive, be positive!”
That was my Norman!
Always thinking of others.”
Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Norman’s life.
Tragically, I’ve never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye.
I’ll never forget how supportive my Norman was.
Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, “Be positive, be positive!”
That was my Norman!
Always thinking of others.”
I_am_a_Canadian (with unacceptable views)
My pronouns are Sir/Mr.
XY ≠ XX
My pronouns are Sir/Mr.
XY ≠ XX
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Glacier
- The Pilgrim
- Posts: 38564
- Joined: Jul 6th, 2008, 10:41 pm
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
Not really a joke, more like an observation...
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"No one has the right to apologize for something they did not do, and no one has the right to accept an apology if the wrong was not done to them."
- Douglas Murray
- Douglas Murray
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Bsuds
- The Wagon Master
- Posts: 54137
- Joined: Apr 21st, 2005, 10:46 am
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
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You should always treat those with mental illness with compassion, but you shouldn't elect them president twice
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Bsuds
- The Wagon Master
- Posts: 54137
- Joined: Apr 21st, 2005, 10:46 am
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
And don't forget the 100,000 litre extended warranty...
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You should always treat those with mental illness with compassion, but you shouldn't elect them president twice
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Catsumi
- Buddha of the Board
- Posts: 17932
- Joined: May 24th, 2017, 8:26 pm
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would you let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"
The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "It would have to be something spectacular to take that offer."
The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar.
He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, who is only 1 foot tall, and a little piano. The piano man starts playing classical music like Beethoven and Chopin.
Once he finishes, the bartender is in utter disbelief. He tells the man "You can have free drinks for the rest of the night, but only if you tell where you got this."
The man says "In the alleyway behind your bar, there is a Genie who is granting free wishes to everyone who wants them." Elated, the bartender heads behind his bar to see if it was true.
A few minutes pass and out of the alleyway erupts a cacophony of quacking.
The bartender rushes back into the bar and shuts his door against a wave of thousands of ducks.
He manages to secure the door and says to the man "I think that the Genie is hard of hearing because after I asked for a million bucks, these ducks appeared by the thousands."
The man chuckles and says "Did you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?"
The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would you let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"
The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "It would have to be something spectacular to take that offer."
The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar.
He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, who is only 1 foot tall, and a little piano. The piano man starts playing classical music like Beethoven and Chopin.
Once he finishes, the bartender is in utter disbelief. He tells the man "You can have free drinks for the rest of the night, but only if you tell where you got this."
The man says "In the alleyway behind your bar, there is a Genie who is granting free wishes to everyone who wants them." Elated, the bartender heads behind his bar to see if it was true.
A few minutes pass and out of the alleyway erupts a cacophony of quacking.
The bartender rushes back into the bar and shuts his door against a wave of thousands of ducks.
He manages to secure the door and says to the man "I think that the Genie is hard of hearing because after I asked for a million bucks, these ducks appeared by the thousands."
The man chuckles and says "Did you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?"
Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice. There’s a certain point at which ignorance becomes malice, at which there is simply no way to become THAT ignorant except deliberately and maliciously.
Unknown
Unknown
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Catsumi
- Buddha of the Board
- Posts: 17932
- Joined: May 24th, 2017, 8:26 pm
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
Be aware. Groaners coming up next
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Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice. There’s a certain point at which ignorance becomes malice, at which there is simply no way to become THAT ignorant except deliberately and maliciously.
Unknown
Unknown
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Catsumi
- Buddha of the Board
- Posts: 17932
- Joined: May 24th, 2017, 8:26 pm
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice. There’s a certain point at which ignorance becomes malice, at which there is simply no way to become THAT ignorant except deliberately and maliciously.
Unknown
Unknown
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Catsumi
- Buddha of the Board
- Posts: 17932
- Joined: May 24th, 2017, 8:26 pm
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice. There’s a certain point at which ignorance becomes malice, at which there is simply no way to become THAT ignorant except deliberately and maliciously.
Unknown
Unknown
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Bsuds
- The Wagon Master
- Posts: 54137
- Joined: Apr 21st, 2005, 10:46 am
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
A Married man of 30 years goes on a business trip.
He decides he wants to try a Hooker as he never has done that before.
She comes to his Hotel room and says "I will do anything your Wife won't!"
He says "can you sit there for an hour and not talk..."
He decides he wants to try a Hooker as he never has done that before.
She comes to his Hotel room and says "I will do anything your Wife won't!"
He says "can you sit there for an hour and not talk..."
You should always treat those with mental illness with compassion, but you shouldn't elect them president twice
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Bsuds
- The Wagon Master
- Posts: 54137
- Joined: Apr 21st, 2005, 10:46 am
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
Norwegian for Speed Bump...Fartshump
You should always treat those with mental illness with compassion, but you shouldn't elect them president twice
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fluffy
- Admiral HMS Castanet
- Posts: 26880
- Joined: Jun 1st, 2006, 5:42 pm
Just another day in Ottawa.
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
When asked what he thought of Western civilization, Mahatma Ghandi replied "I think it would be a very good idea."
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Babba_not_Gump
- Walks on Forum Water
- Posts: 11531
- Joined: Jul 16th, 2019, 2:38 pm
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
^^^
Good one!
Good one!
I_am_a_Canadian (with unacceptable views)
My pronouns are Sir/Mr.
XY ≠ XX
My pronouns are Sir/Mr.
XY ≠ XX
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PoplarSoul
- Lord of the Board
- Posts: 4346
- Joined: Apr 23rd, 2021, 12:27 pm
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
Romantic Canadian Husband
Man said to his wife "All right you sexy thing, upstairs now"
She looked at him and said "Ooh, you kinky *bleep*"
He said "No, seriously, hockey is starting, bugger off”
Man said to his wife "All right you sexy thing, upstairs now"
She looked at him and said "Ooh, you kinky *bleep*"
He said "No, seriously, hockey is starting, bugger off”
"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance." Alan Watts
It's the simple things in life that brings joy.
It's the simple things in life that brings joy.
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PoplarSoul
- Lord of the Board
- Posts: 4346
- Joined: Apr 23rd, 2021, 12:27 pm
Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes
LOVE .... has no boundaries.
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.
The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you."
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.
The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you."
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance." Alan Watts
It's the simple things in life that brings joy.
It's the simple things in life that brings joy.