Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

[alanjh595]

^^^^^^^^^

[Babba_not_Gump]

An understanding Wife

Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Norman’s life.

Tragically, I’ve never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye.

I’ll never forget how supportive my Norman was.

Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, “Be positive, be positive!”

That was my Norman!

Always thinking of others.”

 

[Glacier]

Not really a joke, more like an observation...

[Bsuds]

[Bsuds]

And don't forget the 100,000 litre extended warranty...

[Catsumi]

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would you let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "It would have to be something spectacular to take that offer."

The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar.
He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, who is only 1 foot tall, and a little piano. The piano man starts playing classical music like Beethoven and Chopin.

Once he finishes, the bartender is in utter disbelief. He tells the man "You can have free drinks for the rest of the night, but only if you tell where you got this."

The man says "In the alleyway behind your bar, there is a Genie who is granting free wishes to everyone who wants them." Elated, the bartender heads behind his bar to see if it was true.

A few minutes pass and out of the alleyway erupts a cacophony of quacking.

The bartender rushes back into the bar and shuts his door against a wave of thousands of ducks.
He manages to secure the door and says to the man "I think that the Genie is hard of hearing because after I asked for a million bucks, these ducks appeared by the thousands."

The man chuckles and says "Did you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?"

[Catsumi]

Be aware. Groaners coming up next

[Catsumi]

[Catsumi]

[Bsuds]

A Married man of 30 years goes on a business trip.

He decides he wants to try a Hooker as he never has done that before.

She comes to his Hotel room and says "I will do anything your Wife won't!"

He says "can you sit there for an hour and not talk..."

[Bsuds]

Norwegian for Speed Bump...Fartshump

[fluffy]

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

[Babba_not_Gump]

^^^
Good one!

[PoplarSoul]

Romantic Canadian Husband

Man said to his wife "All right you sexy thing, upstairs now"

She looked at him and said "Ooh, you kinky *bleep*"

He said "No, seriously, hockey is starting, bugger off”

[PoplarSoul]

LOVE .... has no boundaries.

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.

The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.

She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you."

The husband texted back to her:

"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."