Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Share your jokes, cartoons, funny stories.
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Glacier
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Glacier »

Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners. Paddy says "That was f***ing great, I wonder how the girls got on....."
"No one has the right to apologize for something they did not do, and no one has the right to accept an apology if the wrong was not done to them."
- Douglas Murray
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

Sorry for the all caps, It's a copy and paste

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.

SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.

"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
I'm old enough to remember when Plastic bags were the solution to the destruction of trees!
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Catsumi
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Catsumi »

Haha, good one

Sent it onto pals

But forgot to paste. Do it over again

I am blonde, haha
Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice. There’s a certain point at which ignorance becomes malice, at which there is simply no way to become THAT ignorant except deliberately and maliciously.

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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

So I'm in a Bar and two very large Women with accents are sitting across from me.

I say cool accents, are you ladies from Scotland?

One of then yells it Wales you idiot!

So I said OK, are you 2 Whales from Scotland?

I don't remember much after that. :biggrin: :biggrin:
I'm old enough to remember when Plastic bags were the solution to the destruction of trees!
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides
I'm old enough to remember when Plastic bags were the solution to the destruction of trees!
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

438163032_777237597903638_5878252964636417780_n.jpg
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I'm old enough to remember when Plastic bags were the solution to the destruction of trees!
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Catsumi
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Catsumi »

IMG_7742.jpeg
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Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice. There’s a certain point at which ignorance becomes malice, at which there is simply no way to become THAT ignorant except deliberately and maliciously.

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Babba_not_Gump
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Babba_not_Gump »

[icon_lol2.gif]
Yup, that's our girl.
I'm posting this from Traditional lands of the British Empire & the current Lands of The Dominion of Canada.
I also give thanks for this ethos richness bestowed on us via British Colonialism.

Stand up to Anti-Semitism.
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

My Son told mee his password is...

Hueydeweymickeyminnieplutogoofeydonaldlouiewashington

I asked him, why is it so long?

He said well it has to contain 8 characters and a capitol...
I'm old enough to remember when Plastic bags were the solution to the destruction of trees!
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

My Wife just opened the car door for me!

Would have been great except we were doing 120kph at the time! :200:
I'm old enough to remember when Plastic bags were the solution to the destruction of trees!
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

English Lesson.

Tsunami - T is silent

Honest - H is silent

Psychology - P is silent

Knife - K is silent

Wife - Husband is silent

Class Dismissed.
I'm old enough to remember when Plastic bags were the solution to the destruction of trees!
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

Little Johnny's teacher was explaining that there are 28 bones in your hand.

Johnny pipes up, when I'm alone in my room there are 29! :biggrin:
I'm old enough to remember when Plastic bags were the solution to the destruction of trees!
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

Yesterday I bought a World map and hung it on the wall.

I gave my Wife a dart and said I would take her wherever it lands.

Apparently we are spending 3 weeks behind the couch! [icon_lol2.gif]
I'm old enough to remember when Plastic bags were the solution to the destruction of trees!
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Bsuds
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Bsuds »

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I'm old enough to remember when Plastic bags were the solution to the destruction of trees!
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Babba_not_Gump
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Re: Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

Post by Babba_not_Gump »

1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

2. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks -priceless.

3. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.

4. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molsons, Heineken, Carlsberg, & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences but will grab whatever is available.

5. A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

6. On average, a Canadian man under 75 will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese man the same age will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese.
I'm posting this from Traditional lands of the British Empire & the current Lands of The Dominion of Canada.
I also give thanks for this ethos richness bestowed on us via British Colonialism.

Stand up to Anti-Semitism.

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