Coping with loss of a brother, should we have a say

[kgcayenne]

Sometimes it's healthier to just let it go. People get weird about $ after death. My step-mother illegally unlocked and used up my trust fund, I let the statute of limitations on probate slip by because of what it would do to the family and the fact I was 2 provinces away from the situation. I firmly believe that avoiding the stress it would have caused the entire family was worth that $200k loss that really, I never had to begin with.

[Piecemaker]

When the loss is fresh, it is difficult to be objective. At the end of the day, what would your loved one want you to do? Would they want anyone they loved to have a damaged relationship with someone else that they loved?

My step-father died fours years ago yesterday while he and my mother were living in Sask at a business they were operating. After his death, my mother sold the business, packed and shipped all their belongings and his ashes to their home in Alberta and then came to BC to visit family.
When Mother returned to Alberta, she called me and said, "They took Bob."
I was confused, but she went on to explain that someone had broken into their home and stolen various items including the velvet bag holding the urn with Bob's ashes.
My Mother, bless her heart, has always had a sense of humor. "Well," she said, "I was a little upset at first. But he always wanted to travel."
Her intention had been to bury his ashes at his grandfather's gravesite. I am not meaning to make light of another's desire to have their loved one's ashes with them, or some of the ashes with them. I am saying that Bob would not have wanted Mother to worry about his ashes, he would have wanted her to remember his smile and good things that happened during their time together. Isn't that what most of us would want?
Two years ago my mother and I were driving east of Edmonton and a little dust blew across the window as we passed a construction site. We looked at each other and said, "Bob?!"
He is still with us...in our hearts, where it matters.

[laurie carrigan]

Thank you to everyone who posted to my thread, your postitve thoughts and wishes got through, I pulled my original post and edited it because even though I stand behind what I said, it was the truth, a wise person once said to me.
The truth can be known but doesn't always have to be repeated
That is so true, I admit I was so angry I didn't know which way was up, so when I came down I realized that Steve wouldn't have wanted me to be angry or hurt and I have let it go, I am sorry to the Casorso family on their loss too because from what I have been hearing lately they loved their brother-in law alot, he meant so much to so many and to his widow, she has my greatest wish and that is peace of mind, I really mean that, she has a wonderful daughter who is really wise and I thank her for her understanding, Take Care...Laurie

[Dave_1963]

Hi, Laurie,
No, I'm not D and D's son. Steve and his wife just moved next door about 6 months ago. Once again, sorry for your loss, and God bless....
Dave