Children of Divorced Parents.

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Fixer 166
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by Fixer 166 »

Heard this lately

You owe it to your kids to lead by a good example, which means leading your best life.
If you are living unhappy in a marriage, would you want your kids to live like that?
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nepal
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by nepal »

Life is short.
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by nepal »

Interesting video about disadvantaged kids.
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by nepal »

Christmas can be an especially tough time of year for divorced families. Strong family units are mostly preferred by kids. Do what what builds your family, not what tears it apart, and your kids will appreciate you for it. Parents, if you are split, try to make an effort to be civil during Christmas, for the sake of sparing your kids further pain.
When you have kids, it’s not about you anymore. Know the responsibilities and necessary maturities, before having kids. If you get divorced prior to having kids, then go for it!
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by nepal »

It doesn’t take fancy houses, latest cars, expensive holidays and toys, to make a good strong family. I knew a kid from a low-income, but good family, who went on to become a very good medical doctor. Their family did the best with what they could afford, and their kids were their priority. Putting your family at peril by fretting about financial burden isn’t worth it. A family living within financial means can sometimes be better, and the journey to improve upon that can be rewarding.
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nepal
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by nepal »

Adult children continue to suffer from divorce for their lifetime.
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https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-adult-ch ... heir-voice
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Vacancyrate
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by Vacancyrate »

If you think it's bad when the parents are together, just wait until you throw them into a legal battle over money, property and children.
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Lady tehMa
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by Lady tehMa »

Fixer 166 wrote:Heard this lately

You owe it to your kids to lead by a good example, which means leading your best life.
If you are living unhappy in a marriage, would you want your kids to live like that?


It depends on what you define "best life" as.

My parents didn't always have the easiest marriage, but they modeled conflict resolution and finishing what you started.

For some people their "best life" involves chucking anything that makes them unhappy.

My parents took what made them unhappy and learned to discuss, to negotiate and to grow as people.

Life isn't easy, guaranteed. Sometimes you have to give, sometimes you have to learn to be a better person. Or you could just keep chucking relationship after relationship - if all that matters to you is that YOU are happy.
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by nepal »


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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by nepal »

If there is a logical chance to, try to rebuild a marriage. If couples can rebuild a family and provide a good example for their kids, this would be a miracle come true for them.

Rather than calling a lawyer, first learn methods that may save your family.
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There are several types of help to put families on the right, positive, path, such as the two brief examples above.

Unfortunately, marriage, raising children, and household finance, aren’t significant subjects in school. It’s pretty much trial and error and can quickly turn into a mess. Gone are the days when grandparents used to be around to pass-down these skills. Fortunately, now there are more self-education and counselor services available, to help get families on the right path. There are are other solutions to try before divorce.
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MAPearce
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by MAPearce »

If there is a chance to, try to rebuild your marriage. If you can rebuild your family and provide a good example for your kids, this would be a miracle come true for them.


Yeah , that would be nice .... But very unlikely these days .

As a step dad , I know that it's better for kids to be from a broken home than to be in one . Face it , if the parents aren't happy with each other anymore and perpetuate the many forms of abuse towards each other the kids will surely suffer .. Best for all involved to just move on and find happiness for the sake of ALL involved including the kids ..

Children are products of their environment and to have them learn that the parents go through Hell for their sake isn't helpful to them .
I payed attention in High school....But I didn't need too .
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Glacier
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by Glacier »

There are times when divorce is best, but that's only because one or sometimes both parents are acting like a spoiled selfish child.Obviously, if your spouse refuses to change behavior there's nothing you can do.

Irrespective of who is at fault, divorce sucks for the kids. My parents split up when I was 7, and were amicable about it. No courts, and basically no fighting, but it has resulted in a lifetime of at least subtle trauma. Every once in a while Mrs. Glacier will notice that the way I react to certain situations is a sign of going through divorce (it makes no difference that they were common law).
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by Zoso »

You cannot make the other person be decent through a divorce . But you can still be the person you want your kids to see. They will grow up to see why you are divorced in the end. Kids need structure, playing the victim eventually makes them shy away from you they have to be shielded from quarrels and made to feel safe. My divorce was as awful as they get. It seemed like an eternity at the time , but what lasts longest is the relationship you have with your kids after its over .
When you are losing , don’t be a loser.
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by nepal »

When you have children, it’s not about you anymore.
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JayByrd
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by JayByrd »

There is often a path toward reconciliation. But both parties have to want to take it.

My ex-wife and I did a lot of work to rebuild our marriage after it fell apart. Unfortunately, by the time we unearthed our issues (we both brought our share of baggage to the marriage), neither of our hearts were in it anymore. We separated when our son was 7.

Once this decision was made, our son's well-being was the focus for both of us. We did everything we could to keep his life stable and secure. We were able to avoid disputes over money, property, and custody. Like any divorced couple, we still have our resentments, and I'd be lying if I said those don't influence our interactions with each other. But I think we do a pretty good job of co-parenting. I'm not in a position to say our son hasn't suffered any trauma due to our split...but he continues to be the confident, relaxed kid he was when we all lived together.

We did a couples retreat in the final years of our marriage. One of the presenters was a Catholic priest. He talked about couples who come to him, seeking to get married. He would ask each of them "Why do you want to marry this person?" and often the answer was "Because he/she makes me happy." The priest explained that the purpose of the Covenant of Marriage (getting a bit Christian here, your mileage may vary) is not happiness, but unity. "If you want something to make you happy, get a big TV. That will make you happy." I took a lot from that, and I think being overly focused on individual happiness is part of the reason so many marriages don't last. Once again, your mileage may vary.
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