Suicide vs Suicidal

[Cdnlass]

Devils advocate here...

As someone who has been affected by suicide in several ways, I think people are a little quick to jump on people for having a seemingly cold position on the subject.

Its really unfortunate to instantly be angry at someone that has been affected by suicide for their anger or indifference towards it. Yes, its a terrible thing to feel so alone and helpless in life that you seek to end it all this way but its also a terrible thing to be left behind by people who leave us this way. Feelings of anger and confusion are valid in this situation. Unlike terminal illness, sometimes we are left with no real answers about why someone did it and that can be so devastating.

I speak from a very personal place when I say I understand both sides of this coin. Last March was almost the end of me. I had no intentions of doing anything like it prior to that day. I had just gone through a really bad breakup and one day I just broke. I went to my room, climbed into my bed with my dogs by my side and then have no recollection of the next 5 days. I don't remember playing the same song over and over. I don't remember taking a whole bottle of muscle relaxers and I don't remember going to sleep. I was unresponsive when my exes mom came to check on me and was in a coma for 2 days and still can't remember waking up or the 3 days after.

It was the lowest point in my life and I am still ashamed of myself for not reaching out. I swallowed my feelings and lost that battle. What I failed to take into account was how my actions would affect those around me. My exes mother who had kindly let me stay with her until I could get home to the Okanagan. My mother and my children who would have to figure out funerals and expenses. My new grandchildren who would never have known me and I would never have gotten to make cookies for like all grandmas do. My friends. People would have wondered why I didn't reach out and some would blame themselves.

Things I think, had I put some thought into it, I would have rethought my actions that day if I had the perspective I do now. Things were bad but they could have been worse. Things I could have worked through. Now that I am back home and I caught my bearings, my life is so much better and I realized how good my life is. I realized that the man I fell in love with was not the man I should have been with so it was a good thing we parted ways. That there was light at the end of the tunnel but at that time I was so low I couldn't see it. And how great it is to be a part of my family and friends lives again and have them in mine. I still struggle sometimes but I have never looked back and I never will.

So to attack someone for feeling animosity towards someone who has committed suicide and left them behind is understandable. Its one of the stages of grief and sometimes that just doesn't go away.

[Silverstarqueen]

I am glad Cdnlass that you are here to share your story and your insights. and that things are going better for you now.

[Cdnlass]

I am glad Cdnlass that you are here to share your story and your insights. and that things are going better for you now.

Thank you! I am glad to be here as well. I feel that, by sharing my story, I may help someone else who is struggling so I am very open about it. Understanding both sides of the equation has really opened my eyes about the issue and I want people to know that they are never truly alone - there are always people like me around who would be more than glad to talk.

[Farmmaa]

Im not angry. Just wasnt a fun time. Put alot of people out. All for some unhealed wounds that nobody could do a damn thing about. Nice of you to try to blame the victims though

The victim here committed suicide.