I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?

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GordonH
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Re: I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?

Post by GordonH »

Title of this thread is “I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?”

imo it depends was your parents loving or abusive, if the latter you owe them nothing.
If they were loving, then only you can choose what you owe them.

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Delta Dra 7187
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Re: I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?

Post by Delta Dra 7187 »

LANDM wrote:It’s also important that you are there to assist with your mother so that she is less likely to go down the same path. I’m not overly knowledgeable on this but I have certainly seen these traits adopted simply because that’s how it was with their parents.

Good luck with everything and it sounds like you have good head on your shoulders to get both yourself and your mother through it. Ultimately you can’t necessarily change your grandmother's behaviour but you can stop the potential cycle from continuing.


Thank you. Yes one of my fears is for my future with mom because of all of this. And one of my goals with the counselor I've line up is to see how I can help my mother better. Like get her interested in getting counseling. However I'm not yet sure how to do that. Like I said, nobody will do anything they don't want to do. And I don't want to hold the fact that I'm getting counseling over her head. Right now I'm just relived I was able to get my mom to agree she won't expect me to have any thing to do with gramma for awhile. Except after this weekend. Could be fun times. [icon_lol2.gif]
Delta Dra 7187
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Re: I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?

Post by Delta Dra 7187 »

I hope nobody minds if I say I'm amazed at the support I'm getting here. I never discussed this with anybody before. And now I feel I'm well on my way to working some things out.
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MAPearce
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Re: I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?

Post by MAPearce »

^^^ Some here are being unusually kind .....
I payed attention in High school....But I didn't need too .
tantor
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Re: I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?

Post by tantor »

Sounds like your grandma is repeating things with your mom the way it was with her under your great grandma. Many of that generation have it hard coded into them to repeat what their parents did and it requires someone to break the cycle. My grandpa used to beat my dad so my dad beat me and when I had my children I broke that cycle and never laid a hand on my kids I found it infinitely more effective to take away their favourite privileges until I attained compliance. Your mom needs to remove herself from that place because I can tell you right now that it will be a long and bumpy road to try to get your grandma to change. It is not impossible but life is short and your mom probably could use her time better. So she needs to decide what is harder, working on her mom or getting out and living on her own.
Delta Dra 7187
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Re: I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?

Post by Delta Dra 7187 »

Right now my mantra is 'emotional distancing.'
Delta Dra 7187
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Re: I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?

Post by Delta Dra 7187 »

Big win! A doctor has ordered counselling for my gramma. Contact is happening right now.
Delta Dra 7187
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Re: I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?

Post by Delta Dra 7187 »

Gramma has not shared anything from her counselling, and that’s her right. But a few days ago she was admitted to hospital, and my mom has been told the likely outcome may be a move to a seniors’ residence. So now I’m looking after her place as well as my uncle’s. Chalking up experience as a property manager :up:
stuphoto
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Re: I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?

Post by stuphoto »

Good luck as property manager Delta,
It looks like a tough week ahead for you with the cold and the snow.

I hope the home works out for your grandmother.
It may be just want she needs, but at this time I feel sorry for everyone else there ( ahead of time )

I hope she has an easy time making friends, enjoys cards chess and bingo.
Delta Dra 7187
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Re: I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?

Post by Delta Dra 7187 »

[icon_lol2.gif] :panic:
Delta Dra 7187
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Re: I’m independent. What do I owe my parents?

Post by Delta Dra 7187 »

I've slipped out from under to a job in Jasper, AB.

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