A Lack of Kindness

Social, economic and environmental issues in our ever-changing world.
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Rejigger
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by Rejigger »

Septuagenarian wrote: Sep 5th, 2021, 12:41 pm In Lady tehMa’s OP she asks, “ . . . what has happened to "the benefit of the doubt", "civil discourse" and simple "kindness"? Is there any way to get this back?”

And this is meant to be an allegorical yet specific case that’s followed by another question.

So, when you’re having a clumsy ‘senior’s day’ and you make an embarrassing mistake in front of a group and you try to explain and apologise to them, and then you do your best to correct your mistake, and you feel pretty confident that you’ve done what’s required, but one of your caretakers says “not so” and admonishes you for being so clumsy, and not for the first time, and then leaves the last word to someone who’s already tried to build social capital on your mistake, and, well, that’s when you really feel the unkindness of the world and you wish you could just find some way to remove yourself.

Now, should people who step up to fill authoritative positions of power be expected to have and apply some level of awareness and sensitivity training in social settings where seniors are likely to be participating in mixed-crowd discussions and debates?

Also, I'm sorry for the word-salad, still, thanks very much for your kind attention.

And I look forward to reading any replies later on.

Sept
I wondered why you had removed the contents of some of you recent posts. I missed the whole thing. Whatever it was, try to shrug it off. Moderators don't see the whole picture, so if you had your hands slapped and you think it was unfair, just know that they probably won't even remember who you are by tomorrow.

Oh lordy, I'll tell ya... The number of idjits on the internet who either intentionally or mistakenly provoke or mislead, double-down when called out, then fluff off into another thread only to do it all over again...?! pfff!

If you're upset about something that happened to you on these boards, it's only because you have a conscience. Not like those I mentioned in the above paragraph^. So chin up, pip pip and remember that nobody here actually cares* that you goofed-up ... power positioned moderators included.

*because we're all focusing on the wording of our own posts, cleverly trying to tell someone to beat a path in such a way as to fly under the mod's radar

PS. I get a chuckle out of you using my nickname in a post only to have it removed by a mod for "making it personal"!
~
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Rejigger
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by Rejigger »

I wanted to pop back in here to say that there's a certain member who takes a lot of flak on this board - accusations of being a drunk, racist, blah-blah-blah (you know the spiel) - who is going through some health issues right now.

I wish you well. Sincerely.
~
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JLives
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by JLives »

Lady tehMa wrote: Sep 5th, 2021, 9:29 am
fluffy wrote: Sep 5th, 2021, 8:29 am

It all comes from the same place. Courtesy, respect, a sense of community, why is it people are making it into the mainstream without learning this stuff? Are we too busy? Are we so wrapped up in our own problems that we're forgetting those around us?
I agree that good manners are a kindness. I do know people who weren't raised with manners and acquired them later on their own. And I know people who were raised with manners where it just "didn't take". I tend to see it as a mark of character if someone has manners, and a telling lack of character if they do not. People with manners are more likely to be kind, in my experience.

I have been thinking about this topic, though. In years past, people were raised with an awareness of their responsibility to the community. Since about the '60s or so (by my estimation, feel free to share your own thoughts) the concept of the self as being more important than the community has been growing. Simply put, people are becoming more selfish. It's all about me-me-me and to heck with the rest. With that trend comes a distinct lack of responsibility - an unwillingness to shoulder any obligation to society, or to do for others. This makes for a pretty toxic culture, in my opinion.

Edit: and yes, normaM, a lack of empathy.
There's a pretty big segment of society pushing individualism aka libertarianism. This is a part of it. We can't get anything done if we're just herding cats. We have to work and live together. I don't experience much rudeness in my day to day interactions so can't comment much on that. I do find most people to be kind.

Another part is how we live. So many people in boxes in buildings (condos) who work remotely, order food through apps. Kids who grow up without yards or much access to real nature. Then add in a pandemic. We're not physically around each other as much. We're a social species and just being around each other is necessary to mental health and reinforcing how to treat other people and form relationships. It's not the fault of the internet though, it's memetic evolution. Our brains aren't wired to adapt as fast as society is changing. We'll get there and when we do future technology will have far surpassed where we caught up to. I see it as an issue that will take several generations to work out. We're so damn impatient.
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fluffy
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by fluffy »

JLives wrote: Sep 6th, 2021, 1:31 amAnother part is how we live. So many people in boxes in buildings (condos) who work remotely, order food through apps. Kids who grow up without yards or much access to real nature. Then add in a pandemic. We're not physically around each other as much. We're a social species and just being around each other is necessary to mental health and reinforcing how to treat other people and form relationships. It's not the fault of the internet though, it's memetic evolution. Our brains aren't wired to adapt as fast as society is changing. We'll get there and when we do future technology will have far surpassed where we caught up to. I see it as an issue that will take several generations to work out. We're so damn impatient.
Which boils down to a loss of community, doesn't it ? I always enjoyed visiting parts of Vancouver that had grown into little "micro-towns", each with their own collection of retail necessities and social outlets, maybe a little green space. All your needs within walking distance and familiar faces on a daily basis. People just seem happier in that sort of environment.
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato
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Thinktank
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by Thinktank »

fluffy wrote: Sep 5th, 2021, 8:55 am And I still think the internet is playing a big part in a general erosion of decent behavior.
You know when Diana got killed, the media tried to say the people were to blame for being interested in everything she did?

And you know how Canada's BIGGEST TWO-FACE Justin Trudeau tried to say there is "systemic racism" in Canada?

And you know how you and many others are trying to say "People aren't very nice any more?"

It's all not true. We're all good, decent, polite, and nice. We're all kind, calm, and the biggest 'obeyers' of our leaders in human history and we'll take every abuse our leaders heap on our head. because we're nice. We're considerate. We're polite.
We're too good.

but we're really really dumb.



..
strange "mystery diseases" that baffle the entire medical world, are the sordid products of vaccine poisons that disturb the chemical balance of the body and interfere with normal functioning- from "the Poisoned Needle"- 1959
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Lady tehMa
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by Lady tehMa »

fluffy wrote: Sep 6th, 2021, 6:33 am
JLives wrote: Sep 6th, 2021, 1:31 amAnother part is how we live. So many people in boxes in buildings (condos) who work remotely, order food through apps. Kids who grow up without yards or much access to real nature. Then add in a pandemic. We're not physically around each other as much. We're a social species and just being around each other is necessary to mental health and reinforcing how to treat other people and form relationships. It's not the fault of the internet though, it's memetic evolution. Our brains aren't wired to adapt as fast as society is changing. We'll get there and when we do future technology will have far surpassed where we caught up to. I see it as an issue that will take several generations to work out. We're so damn impatient.
Which boils down to a loss of community, doesn't it ? I always enjoyed visiting parts of Vancouver that had grown into little "micro-towns", each with their own collection of retail necessities and social outlets, maybe a little green space. All your needs within walking distance and familiar faces on a daily basis. People just seem happier in that sort of environment.
It really does boil down to a loss of community. I'd love to see people offered incentives to move to the smaller communities to build them up.
PLEASE use spellcheck. If that is too hard, consider installing the Grammarly (free!) app that will not only spellcheck for you (AND offer corrections!) but also make sure that your sentences are grammatically correct.

You're welcome.
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Jlabute
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by Jlabute »

If there is a lack of kindness (and not that it can be accurately measured), then instead of complaining, one should supplant the missing kindness (online or offline). It is better than perplexing over a missing quantity. It is easy to be kind without complaining, in fact it is the smallest of all crosses.

My neighbour gave me fresh home grown tomatoes last week. That was really sweet of him, and they were the best tomatoes I’ve ever eaten. Sometimes I surprise him and his buddies with pizza or beer. As Canadians we are always polite and helpful. Sometimes I shovel my sidewalk and include my neighbours adding a little more callous to my hands and sweat on my brows. As difficult as it is to see a smile through a mask, a gentle reminder that it is happening.

If one can see the value of community and humanity then kindness and empathy have found a place inside to be nurtured. All those qualities boil down to “love your neighbour”.
Huxley - "For him, skepticism is the highest of duties; blind faith the one unpardonable sin."
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normaM
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by normaM »

My friend treated me at the El yesterday - she is a kind soul :)
You can buld a sense of community anywhere, doesn't have to be a small town.
Heck, we even have yearly block parties -
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Jlabute
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by Jlabute »

Block parties are a great idea!
Once you get to know your neighbors, the whole world feels better.
Huxley - "For him, skepticism is the highest of duties; blind faith the one unpardonable sin."
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MAPearce
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by MAPearce »

I totally agree with that. The availability of a platform for instant and faceless communication with little or no accountability immediately gave us a visible erosion in basic courtesy and respect online.
I'll bet that only you could say that to my face ..

Anonymity turns people in to Jerks as they don't have to own what they say to others under that veil ....

Good post Fluffy .
I payed attention in High school....But I didn't need too .
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normaM
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by normaM »

well then you won't turn them in for noise LOL
You can try and dirty my name, but I'll wear your hate like war paint
PoplarSoul
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by PoplarSoul »

*removed*
Last edited by ferri on Sep 6th, 2021, 1:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Baiting
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Mrmarvingardens
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by Mrmarvingardens »

Watched an interesting commentary re; back to work Sunday.
What was noted is that remote working is a way of the future.
Not for all, but some.
Raised in the discussion is that peoples appearance and manners will slide.
Working at home lowers the bar, and the requirement for civility and decent manners towards fellow workers.
Not to mention a requirement for some form of dress code.
Does this mean sweat pants and flip flops will be the norm? :200:
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MAPearce
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by MAPearce »

PoplarSoul wrote: Sep 6th, 2021, 12:54 pm *removed*

If ONLY i wasn't doing the laundry and caught that ... Bet it was " good" ...
I payed attention in High school....But I didn't need too .
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ferri
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Re: A Lack of Kindness

Post by ferri »

I see a few people have mentioned empathy and it was my first thought too. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated. It's that easy.
“Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.”
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