Braces

[Snickerdoodle]

I am usually a military style mother to a 16year old boy. When I say jump, the answer I expect is how high. I am his friend, but I'm his mother first.... so needless to say I am not a limp noodle parent. That said at 16 years old, and being an only child in a single parent home he's always been very mature - I've never said to him, do this because I say so.... he understands consequences and reasoning, so that reason has never come up.

Till now....

He is scheduled to get braces on his teeth in the next week, an endevour that his father started with him. Something which my son has said he has tried to talk with his dad about, and explain to him he doesn't want them, doesn't see the need for them. He is entering into his graduation year this year and is putting his heels down on this and came to me for the first time last night to see if I could veto this. I asked him what his fathers answer is to him not wanting the braces, and the answer is your getting them on cuz I said so.

So now I'm torn. His teeth aren't extremely bad, he has an eye tooth that is up high and his teeth are a bit crowded. I haven't gone to any of the appointments with the dentist as I dont pay for this procedure his father does, and I've let them run with it. So i don't know how SERIOUS of an issue this is.

I had braces when I was 13 years old, but I have a serious overbite issue, and the braces, reformed my face. I've explained to my son, if you don't get them done now, when your in your 20's or 30's you may regret not having it done, and then it would have to come out of your own pocket. He says he just doesn't see the pain/uncomfortness worth it, as its only one tooth, and not what he sees as a problem. He understands my arguement, but says there are people in this world that need braces far more then he does, and they have survived fine without them.

So I can see both points. And I think i'm going to have to play referee in this argument between him and his father.... any advice... He's scheduled to have them on later this week. And no they are not covered by a premium dental program..... money is coming out of dads pocket.
My son says he'd rather see the money go towards his post secondary school education.

[Bsuds]

He is 16 and in my mind able to make his own decisions.
You could talk to the dentist but I think some of them are more interested in the money. A dentist recommended that my kids both needed braces and I said no and their teeth are just fine and straight.

[warden]

I'm with Bsuds on this one. At 16, he's old enough to make his own medical/dental decisions.

Has he expressed to the orthodontist himself that he doesn't want the braces on? If not, I would have your son call the orthodontist and discuss it with him. While I agree that a lot of these doctors are in it for the cash, if your son expresses directly that he does not want the braces and that he is being forced by his father, there may be ethical issues if the doctor goes ahead with it.

Depending on your relationship with your ex, veto-ing it yourself could be good or bad. If you're friendly with each other and you believe you can reason with him to the point he'll change his mind, then go for it. If it's a little more acrimonious, it could create more harm than good.

If all else fails, I'd just encourage your son not to be available when it's time for the appointment. Sure, it'll make dad upset, but frankly, a dad that says 'you're having this unnecessary medical procedure because I said so, I don't care how you feel about it' doesn't seem like much of a hero to me.

[Snickerdoodle]

Thank you both of you - I tend to agree with you both. As long as he knows all the information then I'm really prone to let him make his own decisions regarding his body and health. When the last flu shots were going around, we talked about the pro's and negatives and I ultimately let him make up his own mind on those also.

His father isn't going to take this well, despite he'd be saving $5-6 grand, he's of the parenting method of do what I say cuz I said it. I think this might get ugly, but I hadn't thought of informing the dentist that the child does NOT want the procedure. I think its going to be an ugly week.

[kgcayenne]

I hope his mouth isn't in rough shape as he gets older. Mine would cost $10k to fix and include surgery and bone grafts to really do it right. There's no way I can afford this, so I have to put up with a really screwed up bite resulting in a misaligned jaw and TMJ/migraines along with the discomfort of frequently biting the insides of my mouth. Oh yeah, and if my wisdom teeth wake up, they're going to cost me about $3k to deal with because all 4 are impacted going the wrong direction.

If his father is willing to pay for this, he should jump at the chance. Later on, he'll realize what a short time period braces would have covered.

Does he know the wide array of options available that AREN'T ugly at all?

[OREZ]

Sounds like his teeth are not that bad. I don't know where people got the idea that everyone's teeth are supposed to look the same.

My daughter had what sounds like a similar problem with her teeth, she didn't want braces. Our dentist was old school and an honest man. He said, "ah, she doesn't need braces and if she doesn't want them why not wait and see? It may turn out fine but if she decides later that she wants them she can still do it." Well, she didn't and she's in her 20's now and is beautiful. Lot's of adults get braces these days though, my sister just did and she's in her 40's.

I understand that this may create tension with his father but is that really a good enough reason to go through with something your son doesn't want? Maybe if the two of you talk to your dentist, your dentist could talk to your son's father. Does the dad realise that there is usually no maximum age at which this can be done?

[Queen K]

I'm 46 and have always wanted to straighten out my teeth, only I'm terrified of dentists.

A 16 year old who NEEDS dental work will save the family hundreds of dollars in the end if he agrees to dental work now. However, if it's entirely optional, then what is the real issue?

[flamingfingers]

I am with OREZ on this one. IF dad tries and succeeds in forcing the 16 yr old to get braces, you are going to have a thoroughly miserable 16 yr old to deal with for as long as the braces are there. Who needs that kind of aggro??? I know people who have had braces in their 20s, 30s and 40s.

Sure, there are braces that can be worn behind the teeth and essentially 'do not show' but the boy is going to be super self-conscious about it and it will still make him miserable. Choose your battles. I am not sure that even if dad wins on the braces, that the battle will actually be won.

[gardengirl]

Thank you both of you - I tend to agree with you both. As long as he knows all the information then I'm really prone to let him make his own decisions regarding his body and health. When the last flu shots were going around, we talked about the pro's and negatives and I ultimately let him make up his own mind on those also.

His father isn't going to take this well, despite he'd be saving $5-6 grand, he's of the parenting method of do what I say cuz I said it. I think this might get ugly, but I hadn't thought of informing the dentist that the child does NOT want the procedure. I think its going to be an ugly week.

I am on both sides as well. A 16 year old should definitely have a say in what is done. If he is forced to have the braces, there is a good chance that he will resent it and may not follow the instructions and care for his teeth properly. This could potentially cause more damage in the way of cavities.

That said, the appearance of the teeth is not always the rationale for having braces. Aesthetics are certainly a concern, but function is more important. My own teeth appear to be reasonably straight, but my function is quite compromised. My teeth do not line up properly. Like KC, I have issues with migraines and clicking in my jaw. If I had had braces when I was a kid, I would not have these problems.
To rectify the situation now, it would take surgery to split and expand my palate, braces, and crowns throughout.

[strwbrrydvl]

If they are going to need to be done then they should've been done when he was 13. At 16 he probably doesn't want them because not too many kids get braces that late into teenhood and nobody wants to feel different when they are 16. If his Dad is footing the bill then woohoo! Suggest those invisalign mouthguard type braces, the dentist may say that he would be a good candidate for it and they supposedly aren't that much more than traditional braces.

[Snickerdoodle]

My son spent the last few nights thinking about it, and we talked about some of the different pros/cons for both having them and not having them. He has decided to get them now. They will be a clear style and should he be going out to a party or soemthing important (seeing as it is his grad year) then he won't have to wear the elastics for that event.
But thanks for all your imput.
I did have a short discussion with his father, that at 16, going on 17 that we really can't be forcing some issues on him, "because I said so" - so hopefully this won't be an issue any longer!

[ogopogodude]

There are some intelligent and mature 16 year olds and there are some not so mature (and bright) teenagers. I was not mature at sixteen years old and I was certainly not wise enough to make a proper medical/dental legal decision when I was that age. Proposed treatment is based on informed consent. That is the key. Informed consent.

I am glad that my parents "forced" me to have braces at that age. It takes a child to mature into his/her twenties and beyond to really appreciate the benefits of having ortho.

If a dentist or orthodontist says that one can benefit from orthodontia than let it be left at that.... he/she is the professional in that area. This is factual to state. If the average person says that his son or daughter has teeth that are "just fine" or "perfectly straight without braces" than that is a pretty rare and lucky thing.

But if the parents along with the child (and I do mean child) decide not to get braces and problems arise later in life, ... then that is a consequence of that final decision. Problems that can arise are many: periodontitis, caries (cavities), attrition (heavy wear and tear from a malocclusion),TMJ pain, infection, tooth loss and so on, are the risks that the parents and that child then take on as a part of their decision.

My daughter has many friends (of orthodontia age) that come over to visit with her and let me tell you .... it seems that EVERY one of these friends of hers 'needs' braces. I wonder what the heck is wrong with those parents that won't put braces on their kid but will gladly buy as many Lululemon outfits or ipod touches as their little girl wants. And that it is more important to have that leather interior to their new SUV along with the best iPhone or Blackberry available on the market. This is bewildering to me, really. Especially when one (or both parents) have a $3,500 per year smoking habit to finance.

The parent that thinks that ortho is not a requirement in life is simply got a problem with priorities. If it is more important to buy this sixteen year old the next best off-road motorbike or a pony/horse, ... then o.k., that is a decision that they have to live with. Just remember one thing, ... don't blame your dentist a few years later.

But, respectfully, that is only my opinion.

[ogopogodude]

Good choice about your son and you (and his father) deciding on braces.

This is a very wise decision. It sounds like you (and your son) have your priorities in order unlike the majority of people. It is great to see parents actually discuss an important issue, weigh the pros and cons, and come to a final decision.

I hope that i did not offend anybody about my comments but i am quite a believer in the improving of one's health, even though orthodontics is considered, unfortunately, as an elective form of health care.