Help with writing a letter please.

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Bsuds
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Re: Help with writing a letter please.

Post by Bsuds »

alanjh595 wrote:
Bsuds wrote:It's sad that he has to deal with this but the letter will only make you feel better and probably do nothing for him.
I would not do anything.


Point taken, I understand. Thank you.

YES, it is probably for my benefit, more than his.


Then write the letter but don't deliver it.The end result will probably be the same.
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oldtrucker
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Re: Help with writing a letter please.

Post by oldtrucker »

If anyone was serious about mending rifts, they would do it face to face-as men. Anything else will only be self serving. Maybe after that is done, see if he needs help with anything.
Some may view my politically incorrect opinions as harsh and may be offended by them. Some think political correctness will be our undoing.
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alanjh595
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Re: Help with writing a letter please.

Post by alanjh595 »

Believe it or not, this dispute started over him letting his dogs use my yard as a bathroom.
So I got a "scarecrow", motion sensitive sprinkler.
He complained and the gardeners refused to cut my lawn so long as it was there. [icon_lol2.gif] [icon_lol2.gif]
I eventually was forced to remove it.
I replaced it with a security camera recording system.

YES, I know....this is just silly. I knew it then but, he was still letting his two shitzalot dogs use my yard as a bathroom.

The best part is I recorded him looking in my bedroom window and even called his wife over too. I have it posted on YouTube, but I don't know how to provide a copy without giving away my true identity.
Anyways...
They complained about my cameras infringing upon their privacy to council, who subsequently hired a lawyer.

I provided a copy of the video to the lawyer with no description.........that was the last I ever heard of it.

He has held a grudge ever since.

His wife has been fine, but I think that she would be happy chatting with anything within the mammal/plant/aquatic life forms.
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alanjh595
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Re: Help with writing a letter please.

Post by alanjh595 »

oldtrucker wrote:If anyone was serious about mending rifts, they would do it face to face-as men. Anything else will only be self serving. Maybe after that is done, see if he needs help with anything.


This doe not address the request for assistance for wording a letter.

AND....he has less than 1 month to live, I don't think he needs any help.
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Veovis
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Re: Help with writing a letter please.

Post by Veovis »

If you're on bad terms just send a not saying "I'll take good 'care"' of your wife when yer gone"

But if you like to not be a *bleep*, ya, the "do nothing" is best and likely accurate. Good chance he has loved ones and family he is concerned about getting some tiny amount of time left with......a absent neighbor isn't even on the register. Had a uncle of my wife's in palliative some years ago and his brother who was always a jerk to him basically came for absolution and got told off and no forgiveness would ever occur as being good to each other was where it came from.

Better to do nothing than know someone will rather die than say "let's let bygones be bygones"
dogspoiler
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Re: Help with writing a letter please.

Post by dogspoiler »

I was in an almost identical situation, I did nothing and feel no regrets.
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alanjh595
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Re: Help with writing a letter please.

Post by alanjh595 »

dogspoiler wrote:I was in an almost identical situation, I did nothing and feel no regrets.


That seems to be the most popular recommendation and that is the one that I will following. Thanks for that.
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dle
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Re: Help with writing a letter please.

Post by dle »

@ alanjh595


sorry to hear about your mom....Alzheimers is a very sad disease and I know it is very hard to deal with and to watch happen - makes a person feel pretty helpless. There is so much not known about it, maybe she does know you are there and does recognize you, maybe she just can't show it or communicate it, so just keep talking to her as if that's the case - maybe you will make both of you feel a bit better and a bit less helpless....doing that sure can't hurt.
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alanjh595
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Re: Help with writing a letter please.

Post by alanjh595 »

dle wrote:@ alanjh595


sorry to hear about your mom....Alzheimers is a very sad disease and I know it is very hard to deal with and to watch happen - makes a person feel pretty helpless. There is so much not known about it, maybe she does know you are there and does recognize you, maybe she just can't show it or communicate it, so just keep talking to her as if that's the case - maybe you will make both of you feel a bit better and a bit less helpless....doing that sure can't hurt.


It sure HURTS me......so bad.

It just doesn't matter how prepared you think you are, it still is very hard to come to terms with.

I HATE this disease.
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dle
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Re: Help with writing a letter please.

Post by dle »

alanjh595 wrote:
dle wrote:@ alanjh595


sorry to hear about your mom....Alzheimers is a very sad disease and I know it is very hard to deal with and to watch happen - makes a person feel pretty helpless. There is so much not known about it, maybe she does know you are there and does recognize you, maybe she just can't show it or communicate it, so just keep talking to her as if that's the case - maybe you will make both of you feel a bit better and a bit less helpless....doing that sure can't hurt.


It sure HURTS me......so bad.

It just doesn't matter how prepared you think you are, it still is very hard to come to terms with.

I HATE this disease.



yeah, I hear ya, we are going through it in my fam too......very sad....there really is no way to "prepare"....you just go through it day by day
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alanjh595
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Re: Help with writing a letter please.

Post by alanjh595 »

dle wrote:yeah, I hear ya, we are going through it in my fam too......very sad....there really is no way to "prepare"....you just go through it day by day


I started to prepare myself before the official diagnosis. I read as much as I could, and educated myself before hand. I thought that I was ready, I wasn't.
I dealt with the changes as they happened like;

-the anger and violent outbursts.
-the incontinence issues.
-the mobility and balance problems.
-not being able to cook for herself anymore.
-being waken up in the middle of the night by her screaming at me.
-turning in her DL.
-her anxiety and mistrust of her Dr.

Today, she no longer knows who I am, or even recognizes me. I went to visit her on Monday, (my birthday), and she has no recognition that she even had a child. She insisted that she was 40 years old.

Alzheimer's is devastating for both the patient and their caregivers. I feel sympathy for all of those caregivers that have devoted their life and freedom to care for a family member that is effected with this disease.
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