Children of Divorced Parents.

[nepal]

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The effects of parental Divorce on children are wide-ranging and everlasting for those children. Divorce should consider the impact on the children, and less about the narcissistic gratification of the parents. Divorce is an experiment gone wrong. Family and the benefits of strong families, needs to become important again. Make family a priority, even if it means giving up other things that one or both parents feel they want.
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"Once you have children, it's not about you anymore".

[Bsuds]

*removed*

I was divorced and my children turned out just fine but that's just my opinion anyway.

[whatwhat]

My parents were never married, but separated when I was 12. And thank goodness for that. My dad suffered from alcoholism and addiction which caused such a rift in my parents relationship. They fought all the time, and the household could be a very tense and toxic place for my sister and I. While they never included us in their problems and were both very loving parents their relationship impacted our home life negatively.

Sometimes divorce really is the best thing.

[vegas1500]

I personally know a few couples that are "staying together for the kids". IMO that is the biggest mistake for the kids they could make. Kids are smart, they pick up on things. I think it's much healthier to have the children in a happy home with one parent as opposed to a home where mom and dad may fight, argue or sleep in separate rooms.

[Silverstarqueen]

By the time two people get divorced a lot of (usually chronic) problems have been hashed over and fought about. People who are happily married and raising their kids in a stable environment don't generally get divorced. Not surprisingly, those kids have fewer problems. so to blame the kids' problems on the final act of splitting, rather than all the problems that led up to it, doesn't make a lot of sense. Would those kids do better if the parents stayed together and continued battling? I believe research has shown long ago that this is not the case.

[Even Steven]

Divorce itself is rarely the problem, it's the kind of environment created inside family that matters. If the environment is terrible, the damage is already done, and divorce won't make things any worse (although sometimes it spills into years of bitterness past divorce). So I wouldn't say that divorce causes problems, divorce is only a symptom of an unhealthy marriage and poor family environment. Spending years and years in this sort of environment does damage to children regardless of the fact that they're staying together.

[Silverstarqueen]

Some people don't know how to be married. And then some don't know how to be divorced.

[Rosemary1]

and some don't know how to be parents - married or divorced.

[Bsuds]

and some don't know how to be parents - married or divorced.

And then there are the ones who shouldn't be allowed to have children.

[RustyCrayon]

My folks tried to stay together for the sake of the kids. They did this for a few years before it got completely out of control. They did more damage during that time than if they had simply split when things were beyond repair. Hearing them fight, break things, physically abuse each other, the police coming to the house, then having one of them disappear for weeks and not knowing if I would ever see them again... No. Want to do what's right for the kids? Act like proper, respectful adults.
If it isn't working out, get a divorce.

[Wentworth]

The damage to a child of a dysfunctional family, whether or not it ends in divorce, goes far beyond the child. The family is often the only real support a person has. Whether it's a financial leg-up or emotional guidance or help with addiction recovery, a solid family is often the difference between a child that reaches their potential and one who becomes a drain on society. Another societal cost is the loss of financial security for the divorced pair. What were the costs of one home now becomes the cost of two, often still supported by one. That bill comes due at retirement and society picks up that tab too. As a co-author of a "um, no particular reason" divorce I don't think these things are considered nearly enough in the marriage or in making the decision to divorce. Divorce has become the lazy alternative to the arduous tasks of maturity, communication, honesty, forgiveness, gratitude and above all consideration for the children. Divorce is more like throwing a rock in a pond than it is like choosing a cheese cake topping, once it's done it's done. And that rock ripples the pond for generations.

[nepal]

Hello Moderator. Thank you for correcting my typo. Cheers!

[nepal]

My parents were never married, but separated when I was 12. And thank goodness for that. My dad suffered from alcoholism and addiction which caused such a rift in my parents relationship. They fought all the time, and the household could be a very tense and toxic place for my sister and I. While they never included us in their problems and were both very loving parents their relationship impacted our home life negatively.

Sometimes divorce really is the best thing.

I agree that in some dire cases, divorce is the most suitable solution, but either way, the children are affected, some more than others. Also, some parents better manage the outcome. Take care.

[Sige]

I left my alcoholic other half when I was 6 months pregnant with another almost a year old because I *did* consider what was best for the kids. It was the best decision I ever made and my now 29 and 30 year old sons are healthy, well-rounded, functioning members of society and are very happy that I made the decision to leave.

The only long terms effects I have seen are my younger son being responsible enough to have full custody of *his* healthy, happy, well-rounded daughter. He's an amazing parent because he has learned what not to do from his perspective.

I feel the times that kids suffer in a divorce is when the two "adults" act like children and involve their kids in the fight.

[Barney Google]

Divorce often is the best solution. However, not much attention or discussion is given to what happens AFTER couples divorce. Often times extended families and or friends weigh into the dynamics causing even further rifts and stress. Who gets the kids, or in some cases, who has to have the kids... for the Holidays, or Birthdays or Vacations? Sometimes the dysfunction continues on and builds and grows pulling kids in further directions when trying to please everyone. Kids faced with worries about GrandParent or Auntie/uncle face offs at sports events or graduations or other social and family gatherings. Graduations and weddings turning into minefields of stress and upset. Which brings to mind the question, when a couple divorces does that mean the entire family divorces too?
Divorce is not always an easy solution to a bad or broken down marriage.