Ferri's Stream O'Jokes

[alanjh595]

That was funny.

I give it a 5/10

[Bsuds]

[Anonymous123]

To the person that stole my prescription for anti-depressants out of my car...... I hope your happy.

[Catsumi]

THE PHONE

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.

"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"



THEN IT WAS THE DAMN WINDOWS


Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-paned, energy-efficient kind. Today I got a call from Home Depot who installed them. The caller complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Helloooo...just because I'm a senior citizen doesn't mean I am automatically mentally challenged. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year - that these windows would pay for themselves in a year. So Mr. Smarty-Pants, it's now been a year, so they're paid for. There was only silence at the other end, so I hung up.

He never called back.

[Bsuds]

I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull.

I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.

Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.

The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!

I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ............ but they kind of taste like peppermint.

[Bsuds]

In a small Southern town, there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She looked at me like I was dumber than dirt and said, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!"

I assured her that I did but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.

Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar'."

[Bsuds]

[Bsuds]

[Anonymous123]

[Anonymous123]

[Bsuds]

[oneh2obabe]

[Catsumi]

While installing a new door, I found one of the hinges missing. I asked my wife if she would go to Home Depot to pick one up. She said she would.

While waiting for the Manager to finish serving another customer, her eye caught two beautiful bathroom faucets – one for the sink and one for the bath tub.

When the Manager was ready to help my wife, she asked, "How much are those faucets?"

The Manager replied, "They are gold plated faucets and very expensive! $5,000 each!" Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, they are really expensive – certainly out of my price range!" She then proceeded to describe the hinge I had sent her to buy.

The Manager said he had them in stock and their price was $3.49. He went to the backroom to get them.

From the backroom, the Manager yelled, "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?"

Mary shouted back, "No not really, but I will for the faucets."

[Bsuds]

Urine test for senior men

My urologist’s office called the other day and explained that my scheduled appointment would now be done over the phone due to the coronavirus. One hour before the scheduled teleconference, I was instructed (via email) to administer my own urine test. This was to avoid those lab tests and costly co-pays that your doctor's tell you to get at Quest Diagnostics, and because they're shutdown too.

Simply go outside and pee in the front yard.

If ant's gather: DIABETES.


If you pee on your feet: PROSTATE


If it smells like a barbecue: CHOLESTEROL


If your wrist hurts when you shake it: OSTEOARTHRITIS


If you return to your house with your penis outside your pants: ALZHEIMER'S

[Catsumi]

The Pope and Justin Trudeau are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Justin Trudeau and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my
hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary
display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Trudeau replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!"
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!
AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!