Children of Divorced Parents.

Social, economic and environmental issues in our ever-changing world.
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nepal
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by nepal »

It is tough for kids from broken homes. Divorce is a traumatic life-long haul for kids, not to be underestimated nor trivialized. Victims of divorce might appear with a happy face, but understandably could be hurting inside. There are no socio-economic differences when it comes to hurt.

Some kids face very complex family-trees.

Those with non-typical family-trees often have difficult choices to make when it comes to step-families, or single-parent families. Some kids disengage from their complex family tree, especially if there are ongoing re-structures, where they are expected to get to know a new step-family, then yet another, and expected to un-like past families. We can only imagine the family tree of a parent on their third relationship. It’s a big task for the parents too, as they are expected to treat all kids equally, their own and step-kids...not likely to happen. Also, emotionally and financially, reality is that parents (except narcissistic deadbeats) will take care of their own kids, even at the expense of step-children.

Revised family trees are actually easier for the divorcing parents, as they cut past ties, whereas the kids are left with the complexity of multiple ties to maintain, and a lifetime of heavy burden this brings.

Parents, give deep thought, and consider constructive help, before renovating your children’s original family-tree for them. Is divorce really worth it, and maybe it’s you or your spouse, or both, who need to adapt to your original family setup. Life is actually very short. (Some rare situations are dire and require divorce)
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When a child’s father re-marries, this original child is expected to add one more family layer, and when the child’s mother re-marries add another family layer. For a typical child of divorced parents, they now have three family-sets: Their original family, their father’s new family, and their mother’s new family.  This is too much to expect any child to deal with. It gets even more exponentially complex when parents marry for a third or more times!  So who has the original divorce served, likely the one who deliberately cut the ties of the original family. Life is complex and tough enough for most kids, so adding complex family-trees for them to deal with, is imposing huge mental gymnastics on these victims of divorced parents (Many divorced parents never had to deal with the concept of step-families when they were kids, so have no idea how it feels for their kids).<br />The family-tree becomes exponentially more chaotic if kid’s siblings, aunts, uncles etc are also on multiple marriages, to a point where ‘family-tree disengagement’ by a kid becomes a sanity survival option.
When a child’s father re-marries, this original child is expected to add one more family layer, and when the child’s mother re-marries add another family layer. For a typical child of divorced parents, they now have three family-sets: Their original family, their father’s new family, and their mother’s new family. This is too much to expect any child to deal with. It gets even more exponentially complex when parents marry for a third or more times! So who has the original divorce served, likely the one who deliberately cut the ties of the original family. Life is complex and tough enough for most kids, so adding complex family-trees for them to deal with, is imposing huge mental gymnastics on these victims of divorced parents (Many divorced parents never had to deal with the concept of step-families when they were kids, so have no idea how it feels for their kids).
The family-tree becomes exponentially more chaotic if kid’s siblings, aunts, uncles etc are also on multiple marriages, to a point where ‘family-tree disengagement’ by a kid becomes a sanity survival option.
This is a normal two-dimensional family-tree (very enviable).       To imagine a step-family-tree, it might be easier to add three-dimensional interconnected layers, as a two-dimension layer gets unwieldy to draw connections and mind boggling for family members to visualize.
This is a normal two-dimensional family-tree (very enviable). To imagine a step-family-tree, it might be easier to add three-dimensional interconnected layers, as a two-dimension layer gets unwieldy to draw connections and mind boggling for family members to visualize.
Last edited by nepal on Jul 2nd, 2023, 10:30 am, edited 3 times in total.
nepal
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by nepal »

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Happy Mothers\Fathers Day? Narcissistic parents who don’t care for their children...
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- There are deadbeat ‘mothers’.
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- There are deadbeat ‘fathers’.
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If your parent wasn’t there for you, then it’s not surprising for you to not be there for them.
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Deadbeat mothers
Deadbeat mothers
Deadbeat fathers
Deadbeat fathers
Last edited by nepal on May 23rd, 2021, 9:52 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Glacier
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by Glacier »

:-X
Vacancyrate wrote:https://www.castanet.net/news/Vernon/30 ... s-children

Reverse the sexes and this would never happen.

Part of the reason I'll never have kids is the divorce rates and laws in this country.

75% chance of divorce and then it's a 85% chance I won't get custody if there is kids involved then it's 50/50 if my own children will be poisoned against me and 100% that I'll be paying the bills.

That's a hell of a gamble.
Link doesn't work.

EDIT: nevermind, I got it to work: https://web.archive.org/web/20200611084 ... s-children
Last edited by Glacier on May 8th, 2021, 3:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Staredintoabyss
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by Staredintoabyss »

The stats on this are easy to find and pretty coherent.

Overall children raised by single parents do worse on almost all metrics.

There are special examples of good outcomes often involving extended family units or other community involvement but overall they do worse and its for very obvious reasons.

One parent no matter how well intentioned is one person and lacks the time or collective insight to cover as much ground for support and guidance as two loving involved parents.

Not all couples raise kids well, no one is making that claim, but overall two parents is better period. The math is very very clear on this.

I was a child of divorce and I was always doing with less support, less time, less money, and less social opportunity than my peers with intact families.
nepal
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by nepal »

Even though some kids are at the bottom in life, some find ways to dig themselves out and do okay. Here’s an inspiring example of one young lady who found opportunities for self-improvement, and built her own respectable life:
I Think
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by I Think »

Choose a mate carelessly as your children will be affected for life.
Am observing a few kids from split parents, and it is rather hard on the kids and really unfair for them.
We're lost but we're making good time.
common_sense_guy
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by common_sense_guy »

Happy to see a lot of smart commenters on here who don't just believe what they read. I also agree in most cases it's best for the child for the family to get divorced so both parents will be good to the children and they won't be growing up in a terrible environment anymore. Yes of course divorce affects children but what affects them more is growing up in a toxic household. That's my opinion and seems to be a lot of yours opinions as well.
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MAPearce
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by MAPearce »

common_sense_guy wrote: Sep 19th, 2021, 3:13 pm Happy to see a lot of smart commenters on here who don't just believe what they read. I also agree in most cases it's best for the child for the family to get divorced so both parents will be good to the children and they won't be growing up in a terrible environment anymore. Yes of course divorce affects children but what affects them more is growing up in a toxic household. That's my opinion and seems to be a lot of yours opinions as well.
Better to be from a broken home than IN one .
Liberalism is a disease like cancer.. Once you get it , you can't get rid of it .
common_sense_guy
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by common_sense_guy »

MAPearce wrote: Sep 19th, 2021, 5:02 pm
common_sense_guy wrote: Sep 19th, 2021, 3:13 pm Happy to see a lot of smart commenters on here who don't just believe what they read. I also agree in most cases it's best for the child for the family to get divorced so both parents will be good to the children and they won't be growing up in a terrible environment anymore. Yes of course divorce affects children but what affects them more is growing up in a toxic household. That's my opinion and seems to be a lot of yours opinions as well.
Better to be from a broken home than IN one .
I don't understand your comment. Do you think the child would be left to Social Services or something and not go with either the mom or dad? Of course the child would be in a home. And it wouldn't be with fighting anymore so I really don't understand your comment at all if you could elaborate that would be great
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MAPearce
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by MAPearce »

I don't understand your comment. Do you think the child would be left to Social Services or something and not go with either the mom or dad? Of course the child would be in a home. And it wouldn't be with fighting anymore so I really don't understand your comment at all if you could elaborate that would be great
What I mean is that if dysfunctional parents ended their union and moved on and not stayed together "for the sake of the kids " , the kids would be better off ..

That way , they wouldn't learn "dysfunction".
Liberalism is a disease like cancer.. Once you get it , you can't get rid of it .
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liisgo
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by liisgo »

nepal wrote: May 8th, 2021, 4:30 am .
Happy Mothers\Fathers Day? Narcissistic parents who don’t care for their children...
.
- There are deadbeat ‘mothers’.
.
- There are deadbeat ‘fathers’.
.
If your parent wasn’t there for you, then it’s not surprising for you to not be there for them.
.
We have nothing helping or supporting the full function of a dad in our children's up bringing.
From our society, to our divorce laws and then our own societies biased view on fathers.
Just maybe one day Canada will set a new bench mark and make necessary changes to change our system.
And people's view's and demands after divorce will no longer be based on who the parent is.
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MAPearce
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by MAPearce »

We have nothing helping or supporting the full function of a dad in our children's up bringing.
From our society, to our divorce laws and then our own societies biased view on fathers.
Just maybe one day Canada will set a new bench mark and make necessary changes to change our system.
And people's view's and demands after divorce will no longer be based on who the parent is
Bravo . :130:
Liberalism is a disease like cancer.. Once you get it , you can't get rid of it .
I Think
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by I Think »

It may well be better for the kid(s) that their parents split up, that does not change the fact that the split is very difficult for all to manage. The kid is left not sure of the reasons, and may even decide that it's their fault that mommy and daddy separated.
One parent wants the kid to go on a family camping trip, the kid does not want to go, and the other parent is accused of poisoning the notion in the kids mind, and so on ad infinitum.
For the kids sake, be sure before you breed.
We're lost but we're making good time.
nepal
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by nepal »

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So sad, for children having custody exchanges in a RCMP parking lot, along with people selling used trinkets, because the parents couldn’t learn to adapt to their differences and get along. I suspect many of these parents themselves never experienced being a child of divorced parents, so have no concept of the extreme stress and humiliation they are subjecting their kids to. I get it, that some situations are dire, but maybe most are resolvable with some effort and flexibility, for the life-long peace of mind for their kids, and betterment of society.

I’ve recently seen three nearby families with young kids split. They each had good housing and newish vehicles, and seemed to be pretty normal. In one case, apparently the wife didn’t want to move to cold Alberta, where her husband found work, so now she and their baby live in her parent’s basement! In the other two cases, maybe both parents working may have caused conflict. Perhaps each were solvable. Often it would be better to heal the family, rather than destructively amputate a parent.

https://globalnews.ca/video/8229151/nan ... arking-lot
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No wonder some kids abandon their dysfunctional parent(s). Meanwhile kids from functional families are doing things together like playing cards, walking in parks, playing road hockey, helping with yard work, getting parents help with school homework, etc.
No wonder some kids abandon their dysfunctional parent(s). Meanwhile kids from functional families are doing things together like playing cards, walking in parks, playing road hockey, helping with yard work, getting parents help with school homework, etc.
Last edited by nepal on Oct 2nd, 2021, 7:29 am, edited 3 times in total.
stuphoto
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Re: Children of Divorced Parents.

Post by stuphoto »

MAPearce wrote: Sep 19th, 2021, 6:03 pm
I don't understand your comment. Do you think the child would be left to Social Services or something and not go with either the mom or dad? Of course the child would be in a home. And it wouldn't be with fighting anymore so I really don't understand your comment at all if you could elaborate that would be great
What I mean is that if dysfunctional parents ended their union and moved on and not stayed together "for the sake of the kids " , the kids would be better off ..

That way , they wouldn't learn "dysfunction".
As someone who came from a broken home I agree with you.
My mom did get remarried to a :swear: :cuss: and if she wouldn't have kicked him out my name would only be a statistic in the Chilliwack Progress somewhere around 1980.

I do believe the parents from broken homes should not say bad things about each other, and just tell the children things just didn't work out.
However that is another story.

My mom actually raised 2 of us.
I like to say she raised One Good Child, but I refuse to say which one is good.
The way I see it is if my Bible Thumping sister is going to heaven, then I must be going to hell.
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