Addiction help

[justmyopinion]

You only way you can help him is to leave.

I'd have to agree with this....by staying, in my opinion, you are just confirming to him that what he is doing is acceptable....if he is not willing to help himself, you can't help him, you are only enabling him by making it ok and forgiving...

[Cumungala]

You should try to have an intervention.

[Type_O]

Here is my story... I have been in a relationship with a man who struggles with addiction for 4 years. He has been addicted to narcotics for about 20 years. He is a functional addict for the most part, but I'm afraid that he is in over his head. He is addicted to Tylenol 1's, which are available over the counter and can be purchased at any drugstore. I have tried numerous times to get him help but he refuses saying "no one can help me". I am so frustrated! He gets high for work and thinks nobody will notice. His buisness has dropped and I'm afraid if he doesn't get help soon his buisness will fail. He has also spent every family holiday and birthday high. He lies about his drug use all the time. He will come home completely out of it and swear that he hasn't done drugs. I have been the only person in his life that has tried to get him sober. Everyone else seems to look the other way, including his parents. I am so tired. Any suggestions on how to help an addict that doesn't want help?

There are many great suggestions on this forum Tiredofit, the only thing I can add is to get advice from your own doctor.
As difficult as it may seem, as others here have pointed out, you may need to walk away in order to create change. If not for him, for yourself.

[fluffy]

As an active member of an recovery program I can give you a few tidbits of info.
- The first step has to be his. If he can't admit to the addiction there will be no helping him, anything you say will just come off as nagging and interfering.
- The road to recovery often starts with a significant negative emotional event, like loosing your spouse. If nothing changes, then nothing changes.
- Seek some professional advice. If you are to be of any help to him, you need to look after yourself first.

[Bananaz]

To be honest I have had enough drama to last a lifetime. I do just want a "normal" life. I do have my own career and do not rely on his buisness.
I know you can't change a person, but is it fair to just give up on someone you love? He is a good person, I would have never stayed this long otherwise. I have spent the last 4 years trying to encourage him to lead a sober life. I have tried to show him what's possible without drugs. I got him into detox a couple of years ago, but that did not last. I have also made him go to a drug counsler but once a month councelling is not enough. He stopped going.
I am also worried about his health. The amount of Tylenol 1's he has to take in order to get high could damage his liver and kidneys. He says he knows this but why would someone abuse their body that way? It is almost like suicde.
Should I just give up? I feel like I have done my best and just have no idea how else to help him.

So wow, I never knew you could get hooked on Tylenol. I am naive at times, but as a recovering addict myself, that thought never really crossed my mind.

Like the other posters have mentioned, until he can admit it to himself and wants to get clean, that is the only way it will happen.

Bottom line though, he will end up getting bleeding ulcers and then he won't be able to take anymore medication and then what?

He needs to make a choice. My advice, cut the ties and let him deal with his own reality all on his own. He's a big boy and knows what he needs to do, he is already well aware that you are there to help. Once he needs it he will come, if not nobody knows what his future will hold. You need to focus on yourself and not have to worry about him being an addict.

[mechanic_virus]

There are 5 commonly accepted stages of change regarding addiction (or really, any change in life) - but one must start from the beginning.

In summary:

Stage One: Pre-contemplation
Actively denying to both their self and others that there is a problem. They may not even be aware that there is a problem.

"Yeah, I drink 8 cups of coffee a day. It's what keeps me going, and I'm still able to sleep at night. People tell me it's too much - but their bodies are different from mine, and maybe it's too much for them, but it isn't for me."

Stage Two: Contemplation
Realising there may be an issue, thinking about initiating change one day, but not committing to anything.

"I've been pretty dehydrated, and lately I haven't been getting as much sleep. Maybe I do drink a bit too much coffee. I should cut down sometime."

Stage Three: Preparation
Deciding that the change needs to be made, actively looking into ways it can happen, making plans.

"Okay, enough is enough. I drink too much coffee. Each week I'm going to reduce my daily intake by one cup until I reach 2 cups a day."

Stage Four: Action
Making the effort.

"I'm doing it. I am now at only three cups a day, one more week of cutting back until it's all a matter of..."

Stage Five: Maintenance
Achieving what one set out to accomplish, and making it stick.

"I am now drinking a maximum of two cups each day. I'm proud of what I've done."

Unfortunately, it does not often go this smoothly. In fact, it is pretty rare that it does. Even the majority of those who successfully accomplish their goals will at least once experience a little thing called...

Relapse
A stumble along the path.

"I drank seven cups today. I was in an all-day meeting at the new job, and my new employer just kept offering it to me. I couldn't say no... I'm such a failure."

Relapse can place a person back to any stage, from pre-contemplation ("You know, I got a bit carried away. I don't know what I was thinking, I mean, it's just coffee anyway. It's no big deal") to maintenance ("Well, I screwed up - no big deal, I can still continue with two cups a day").

It is important to realise that a person can not move on to the next stage until they have reached the one previous. It sounds as if your partner is still in the pre-contemplation stage, meaning that treatment programs will have no effect until he himself has realised that his behaviour is problematic, and then makes the decision to change.

Though you can't force somebody into the next stage, you can help to guide them to making their own decision. Yes, perhaps he would see that there is a problem if you made it clear that you were leaving because of his use. Or maybe he would see that there is a problem if his doctor ran some liver function tests to determine what impact the Tylenol is having on his liver.

Regardless of the stage he is in, please know that addiction itself is rarely the problem. It is the symptom of another problem. And until that other problem is addressed, the symptoms will keep recurring.

Hope this helps in some way or another.

[Piecemaker]

Great illustrative post, m_v! (Nice to see you back "on board".)

[caffeine]

I walked away 5 years ago.

He hit bottom 4 years ago.

He's been clean ever since and realizes now how much of his life he lost.

You only way you can help him is to leave.

Grammafreddy? Is that you??

Normally I am in complete disagreement with your posts, but that is probably the best little piece of advice on this thread .