Bread is killing us!

[Glacier]

!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

Quick, sign the nearest petition!





** The above post may be subject one or more fallacies**

[Nebula]

I knew it. I just knew it.

[strwbrrydvl]

"Just say no to toast"

You forgot that ODing on bread can create diabetes or kill somebody who has diabetes.

Bread is bad stuff, where's that damn petition?!

[Catz]

ROTFLMAO

I needed that...thanx

[Bsuds]

Not to mention the Whole Grain breads that have seeds and other non edibles in them.
They get caught in your teeth and drive you insane and then there's the gas that's generated..... it's going to kill us all

[flamingfingers]

And we ALL know that the methane gas that is produced is one of the main causes of GLOBAL WARMING!!

[Queen K]

I am here to defend bread, to the last loaf if I have to, there is no proof that bread is deadly or a contributer to Global Warming.

[fluffy]

Hey buddy, can you spare a slice?

[Bsuds]

Don't forget the deadly pies too!

[Captain Awesome]

You prohibit bread, gangs will take over and make loads of money on it!

[jaz301]

Bread is bad for you? what am I going to use to make my sandwiches now?

[flamingfingers]

I am here to defend bread, to the last loaf if I have to, there is no proof that bread is deadly or a contributer to Global Warming.

Then you are totally and completely ignorant of the facts are presented by Al Gore and his team of specialized global warming theorists!! So just go and stick your head in the sand and allow the travesty of BREAD to wreak havoc on the face of the earth!! What will you tell your grandchildren?

That you actually ATE Bread? And contributed to their agonizing fate through bread-caused Global Warming? What abject ignorance!!

[JLives]

Hey buddy, can you spare a slice?

No, I only have enough left until payday.

[wthwyt]

Their goes the neighbourhood right down damn pipe. So what hell do put in the toaster now OP.



;)

[quietlywatching84]

I dry my wheat and smoke it in a pipe for my glaucoma!

Is this bad?