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Fundamentalist Christian (List)
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strwbrrydvl
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Fundamentalist Christian (List)
I stumbled upon this on Stumpleupon.com
Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
How true..!
Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
How true..!
Some people develop a wishbone where their backbone should be.
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RR24K
- Lord of the Board
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lol-
Born_again
- Guru
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Re: Fundamentalist Christian (List)
That just about sums up the whole sham in a nutshell.
To add to the inanity of it all, try asking one of them to define their God. I mean, they claim this dude created everything and all that, talks to them; appears to them; guides them; emboldens them; punishes them; loves them, makes them; kills them etc. etc., so why is it so bloody hard to define Him?
To add to the inanity of it all, try asking one of them to define their God. I mean, they claim this dude created everything and all that, talks to them; appears to them; guides them; emboldens them; punishes them; loves them, makes them; kills them etc. etc., so why is it so bloody hard to define Him?
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coffeeFreak
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Re: Fundamentalist Christian (List)
Gay Scientists Isolate Christian Genehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCzbNkyXO50&feature=related
also:
Religulous is a good movie to rent...makes you shake your head in amazement...here's the trailer...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fCPtvb2x1M&feature=related
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steven lloyd
- Buddha of the Board
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Re: Fundamentalist Christian (List)
Born_again wrote: ..., so why is it so bloody hard to define Him?
Hmmm. Why is it so hard to define what's undefinable ?-
steven lloyd
- Buddha of the Board
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Re: Fundamentalist Christian (List)
coffeeFreak wrote:Gay Scientists Isolate Christian Gene
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCzbNkyXO50&feature=related
good one-
strwbrrydvl
- Guru
- Posts: 9528
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Re: Fundamentalist Christian (List)
coffeeFreak wrote::dyinglaughing: Gay Scientists Isolate Christian Gene
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCzbNkyXO50&feature=related
Oh Shiznit! I was confused there for a second - they made it look so real.
Very good video, thanks for sharing!
Some people develop a wishbone where their backbone should be.
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servant
- Newbie
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CatherineC
- Fledgling
- Posts: 187
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Re: Fundamentalist Christian (List)
They missed one...
Your pastor, who rants about the evil, homosexual "lifestyle" chosen only by those who refuse to be "cured" is caught snorting crystal meth off some male hooker's *bleep*.
Again.
It's been a bit of a theme lately.
Your pastor, who rants about the evil, homosexual "lifestyle" chosen only by those who refuse to be "cured" is caught snorting crystal meth off some male hooker's *bleep*.
Again.
It's been a bit of a theme lately.
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strwbrrydvl
- Guru
- Posts: 9528
- Joined: Jul 15th, 2008, 6:39 pm
Re: Fundamentalist Christian (List)
CatherineC wrote:They missed one...
Your pastor, who rants about the evil, homosexual "lifestyle" chosen only by those who refuse to be "cured" is caught snorting crystal meth off some male hooker's *bleep*.
Again.
It's been a bit of a theme lately.
"Maybe he's just going through a phase."Some people develop a wishbone where their backbone should be.
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John Right
Re: Fundamentalist Christian (List)
You know you're an atheist when...
… You develop premature arthritis in your knees from not bending them enough.
...“God” is something you say on your back, not on your knees.
… You found “The Passion of the Christ” closer to a homo-erotic sado-masochistic fantasy than to any sort of an inspirational film.
…every politician ignores you
… You’ve bookmarked a page of synonyms for the word “believe”.
...You demand that Christians study advanced evolutionary biology before making claims about natural selection. You then claim that their theological ideas, which you have never examined before, are pure nonsense
.. Missionaries who give up their personal comfort to aid starving, impoverished and persecuted third-world people are actually "corrupting ancient tribal cultures with western religious dogma", while you sit at home and complain about the price of KFC.
... You're convinced that people only believe in God because they're afraid of going to hell...despite the fact that if there is no God, then there's probably no hell either.
...You believe any person who writes a book critical of Christianity is doing it for "education" purposes. Conversely, you believe that any person who writes a book defending Christianity is "just in it to make money."
...You believe that extra drippy ice-cream is a logical proof against the existence of God, because an omniscient God would know how to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, an omnipotent God would have the ability to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, and by golly, an omnibenevolent God wouldn't want your ice-cream to be extra drippy.
...You can make the existence of pink unicorns the centre-piece of a philosophical critique.
...When you watch a punt returner run a 93 yard touchdown, you marvel at what evolution has done for the human race. But when someone gets cancer, you blame God for it
...You think you arrived at your position because you are a free-thinker who rationally weighed the evidence, and then freely chose atheism over theism. YET, you also believe that your thinking and actions are nothing more than the FIXED reactions of the atoms in your brain that are governed by the Laws of Chemistry and Physics.
… You develop premature arthritis in your knees from not bending them enough.
...“God” is something you say on your back, not on your knees.
… You found “The Passion of the Christ” closer to a homo-erotic sado-masochistic fantasy than to any sort of an inspirational film.
…every politician ignores you
… You’ve bookmarked a page of synonyms for the word “believe”.
...You demand that Christians study advanced evolutionary biology before making claims about natural selection. You then claim that their theological ideas, which you have never examined before, are pure nonsense
.. Missionaries who give up their personal comfort to aid starving, impoverished and persecuted third-world people are actually "corrupting ancient tribal cultures with western religious dogma", while you sit at home and complain about the price of KFC.
... You're convinced that people only believe in God because they're afraid of going to hell...despite the fact that if there is no God, then there's probably no hell either.
...You believe any person who writes a book critical of Christianity is doing it for "education" purposes. Conversely, you believe that any person who writes a book defending Christianity is "just in it to make money."
...You believe that extra drippy ice-cream is a logical proof against the existence of God, because an omniscient God would know how to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, an omnipotent God would have the ability to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, and by golly, an omnibenevolent God wouldn't want your ice-cream to be extra drippy.
...You can make the existence of pink unicorns the centre-piece of a philosophical critique.
...When you watch a punt returner run a 93 yard touchdown, you marvel at what evolution has done for the human race. But when someone gets cancer, you blame God for it
...You think you arrived at your position because you are a free-thinker who rationally weighed the evidence, and then freely chose atheism over theism. YET, you also believe that your thinking and actions are nothing more than the FIXED reactions of the atoms in your brain that are governed by the Laws of Chemistry and Physics.
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Bagotricks
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Re: Fundamentalist Christian (List)
John Right wrote:You know you're an atheist when...
...your one of the few people in the room that "doesn't believe in magic".
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John Right
Re: Fundamentalist Christian (List)
Just have to add one more...
You won't bet $10 on the football game because a 50/50 chance isn't good enough, but you have no problem gambling with your life on the nearly impossible odds of a cell randomly generating from nothing.
You won't bet $10 on the football game because a 50/50 chance isn't good enough, but you have no problem gambling with your life on the nearly impossible odds of a cell randomly generating from nothing.
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tsu
- Fledgling
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Re: Fundamentalist Christian (List)
Abiogenesis is the safer bet
Homer J. Simpson wrote:What if we picked the wrong religion Every day were just making God madder and madder!
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Bagotricks
- Lord of the Board
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Re: Fundamentalist Christian (List)
John Right wrote:Just have to add one more...
You won't bet $10 on the football game because a 50/50 chance isn't good enough, but you have no problem gambling with your life on the nearly impossible odds of a cell randomly generating from nothing.
Maybe I don't understand what you mean - but are you saying that you are "gambling with your life" if you believe in evolution?
If your going to try to poke holes in a joke thread - its just no fun.