I need people to join my new religion

[V-Rated]

Way too many religions out there to join, and too many in fact that many are becoming athiest!
Seriously dude, you need to change the brand of glue you are sniffing!

~V~

[sobrohusfat]

Judas. There is a lot we can learn from him.

...but, can we draw a cartoon of your profit ?




(HA - see what i did there?)



Look TT, for $90 you can get your very own bag of 30 pieces of replica silver coins:

judean coins.jpg

https://www.coinreplicas.com/shekel-of- ... -of-silver

Then you can put in on top of an altar and bow to it 5 times daily.

[Thinktank]

Once in every Muslim's lifetime he must make a trip to Mecca and throw stones at the devil - waste of time.
Christians teach themselves it's not wise to store up too much money, but they all do the exact opposite,
and on Jesus birthday, Christians go on a crazy $billion dollar spending spree.
And everyone knows what Jews think about money. They like it. A lot.

So why don't we just all admit Moneyism is the only true religion on earth. I will never lie to people and try
tell them loving money is bad. I will teach people how to manage their love of money for good results.


At age five - all kids in my religion must be taught about gold coins. We will even sing songs about gold coins.
And everyone will own at least one 'real' gold coin.

[Poindexter]

Instead of a first communion you purchase your child their first blue chip stock. Instead of lighting a candle as a prayer for someone you contribute to charity in their name. Instead of confession of sins you admit to overspending and count coins instead of beads. Instead of jihad against infidel you assault debt and balance your books. Instead of going to Church each Sunday you spend a couple hours assessing your investment portfolio and or career options. Instead of contributing to a basket you contribute to your own retirement plans.

I like it thinktank, add me as a devout worshipper. Just don't count on any contributions because of course, that would be a sin.

[Thinktank]

It's true. The money scriptures - which I will be writing next week - clearly
state " IT IS A SIN TO DONATE ANY MONEY TO MONEYISM RELIGION, AND ANYONE CAUGHT
DOING SO WILL BE EXCOMMUNICATED FASTER THAN A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS WHO IS CAUGHT
SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY" But I am also the pope of my new religion, which means I have the power
to forgive sins on earth. Anyone who donates at least $100 to my religion, will quickly be forgiven
of that horrible crime.

[Bsuds]

So you claim it's a sin to donate but want people to donate to you!

So which is it?

Either I'm confused or you're nuts...I vote for the latter.

[Thinktank]

Any guy who is a member of the Church of Money who gives money away to another person
has sinned bad.

But how can I start a new religion without donations? I want people to give donations
and I will quickly forgive them.

It's simple.

[Fancy]

Doesn't GoFundMe already exist?

[Thinktank]

^ go count 1,000 coins until you learn to repent.



..

[Thinktank]

Religions can be strange sometimes. For example the bible says:

Luke 14:26
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

With my religion - Moneyism - you really have to hate everyone else, when you love money.
Moneyism has many similarities to Christianity.

[Randall T]

I think we should all vote to fill the position of Pastor Castanut. Any nominations?

[Thinktank]

Christianity has 'Jesus on the cross.' It's all wrong. Do you know how many times I heard a pastor say
how wonderful it was Jesus died for us. That's illogical. It's not wonderful someone dies for someone else.
It's much better the sinner smartens up. No one needs to die.

Anyway, in all my Money churches, I want a huge poster, at the front of the church,
about 12' high, of my hero - George Soros. He represents everything I like. Everything anyone
whjo worships money would like. He's the greatest.


^ that poster will go front of the church.

[steven lloyd]

I will never lie to people ...

Starting when ?

[sobrohusfat]

Herbie Mann - Battle Hymn of the Republic - Full version: